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Toxic Friends-Kicking you when you're down
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757416" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It amazes me *in a bad way, how many of us have felt betrayed and been betrayed by people we believed were friends.I agree with this too.</p><p>In my own life I am leaving the door open for myself, not them, to decide I am strong enough not to forgive, but to try again.</p><p></p><p>I have closed the door tight so many times in my life, and I am tired of it. I don't believe that we can hope that people change and learn. That's not why I would open the door. In my own experience with friends, there has not been much learning. What's changed, is I've changed. My expectations have been vastly lowered. I don't expect anymore that longtime friends take into account how I feel, what they say and do what they do.</p><p></p><p>I assume now that they don't care and that they don't care to change. I know this sounds cynical. It's not. I'm not cynical. But I am a realist.</p><p></p><p>I believe that many people are self-absorbed and self-serving. I have encountered very few people in my life who are not like this. Maybe I select these people. I don't know.</p><p></p><p>What I am doing now is deciding based upon my feelings. When I've had enough there's nothing that will get me back in the game. In one case, it's been about 14 years that I shut the door. (This is a friendship from when I was 9 years old.) I feel sad, but the reality is when this woman was a girl, she was mean and cruel to me too. In another case, the woman is self-absorbed and clueless (a doctor, no less). I have made the opposite decision. After 12 years I softened. But I don't expect her to be any different than she is.</p><p></p><p>These are hard, hard things.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757416, member: 18958"] It amazes me *in a bad way, how many of us have felt betrayed and been betrayed by people we believed were friends.I agree with this too. In my own life I am leaving the door open for myself, not them, to decide I am strong enough not to forgive, but to try again. I have closed the door tight so many times in my life, and I am tired of it. I don't believe that we can hope that people change and learn. That's not why I would open the door. In my own experience with friends, there has not been much learning. What's changed, is I've changed. My expectations have been vastly lowered. I don't expect anymore that longtime friends take into account how I feel, what they say and do what they do. I assume now that they don't care and that they don't care to change. I know this sounds cynical. It's not. I'm not cynical. But I am a realist. I believe that many people are self-absorbed and self-serving. I have encountered very few people in my life who are not like this. Maybe I select these people. I don't know. What I am doing now is deciding based upon my feelings. When I've had enough there's nothing that will get me back in the game. In one case, it's been about 14 years that I shut the door. (This is a friendship from when I was 9 years old.) I feel sad, but the reality is when this woman was a girl, she was mean and cruel to me too. In another case, the woman is self-absorbed and clueless (a doctor, no less). I have made the opposite decision. After 12 years I softened. But I don't expect her to be any different than she is. These are hard, hard things. [/QUOTE]
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