tragic accident..

[Kjs]

My difficult child has so much anxiety, and any type of accident or a death of someone really puts him out.

My easy child has been having a really difficult time lately too. girlfriend broke up with him, he is very sad and depressed. He bartends, and had become close with a lady who frequents the bar. This lady is difficult child's "girlfriend" grandma. This lady sat with my easy child one night and kissed him on the cheek, told him to keep his chin up he is a cutie. easy child told me this. Said her husband is an alcoholic and she comes to pick him up. A regular at the bar. difficult child's "girlfriend" is their grand daughter. Live in the same house. Grand daughters mom is a user, and a drinker, and grandma is left taking care of the grandkids...always.

Tonight easy child recieved a phone call. Grandma was taking difficult child's girlfriend to gymnastics class and was in an accident. Grandma died. They didn't know how the girl was. AND her HUSBAND was sitting in the bar!!!!

It made the morning edition paper. She was driving an Envoy, hit some ice flipped. Grandma died at the scene, girl was pulled out by witnesses and sheltered until help came. Girl was treated for minor injuries.

easy child and difficult child are devastated. When I left for work we knew grandma had died, but didn't know about girl. difficult child was shaking. He does NOT handle death at all. easy child is shaken up, the only person he ever knew that died was my dad...ten years ago.

What to do now? Who will take care of the two kids? Grandma had told easy child that she knew her daughter was a user(meth) and a drinker, and how she had to be sure the kids were fed. Who will be left to take care of this family.

easy child has lost his faith over the last few years. Also thinks he is the best driver, doesn't wear seatbelt unless I am there. I know this is my chance to reach out and remind him of his faith. Remind him that no matter who is driving and what you are driving..when you hit ice, there is no control. And to point out, Grandma wasn't wearing seatbelt. Girl was.

Now when I return from work, I will have two boys to speak to. Not sure how.

 

[nvts]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. It's really a wake-up call for easy child.

I'd listen to easy child. Let him talk to you about everything, offer solace and compassion as well as understanding. I'm not trying to make light of the situation, but it also helps him to keep it in perspective that although it was her choice to not wear the seatbelt, at least Gramma didn't suffer. She lived her life for others (quite clearly by what you've described) and at least she didn't live her final days in pain or suffering from some horrible illness.

He's a grown man now. He'll learn to cope (and he's very lucky that the only death he's been really exposed to was 10 years ago - so many kids have had to deal with DWI deaths, drugs, and friends taking their own lives). Make sure that he understands that life is fleeting and we can quite impact how fragile it can be. Make sure that he knows that by providing a caring, gentle ear he has given that lady some time and friendship. She didn't have that with her husband and daughter - she found a friend in him that she most likely needed at a tough time in her life.

Make sure that HE knows the impact that he must have had in her existance on this earth. As a Mom, you should take real pride in your son right now.

With some guidance, difficult child will work it out. Give him a warm shoulder, an open heart and a lot of time to heal. Don't let him fixate on death, but let him know that there would have been 2 funerals if the girl hadn't used her own good sense and intelligence to wear a seat belt. She didn't live by taking the easy route, she thought things through and did the right thing.

God bless this family and yours for being there for them.

I'll keep all of you in my prayers!

Beth

 

[ML]

Beth said it better than I could. I just want to offer my hugs of support. Sometimes tragedies can bring people together. This horrible accident may actually serve some good if it can help the boys to become more aware of the importance of what really matters. People that we love. I hope the boys continue to talk with you about this. Thinking of them, of the girl's family and of you with love. ML

 

[hearts and roses]

{{{kjs}}} - Sending many gentle warm hugs and support. I will keep all of you, and those little ones, in my thoughts and prayers. What a tragedy. I'm so sorry.

 

[Star*]

Beth really said it well....and, it never hurts to ask "Would you like to pray?"

So sorry for the loss. Tragic.

Hugs to your house!

 

[DammitJanet]

We had something similar...ok...not so similar but a death, happen when my boys were young teens. Their second or third cousin...cant quite remember...was killed in a high speed, drunk driving accident. He left behind a 2 year old little girl. Actually both mom and dad were in the car at the time and both died.

My boys were pretty broken up about it because they had grown up with this boy. He was a major difficult child in his own right but still...he was family and grew up down the road from us. The funeral was so sad because of all the young people showing up. I took that time to attempt to show them that one moment can change so many lives.

They did grieve. They talked about the boy for quite awhile. I just let them. They talked a lot with other kids too. So many people around here are related in one way or another so it impacted quite a few of us. Its been years now and still when we pass the site of the accident someone will comment on it.