Train wreck in slow motion

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Sigh ... can't even get terribly worked up about it at this point. I don't know if it's detachment or resignation or acceptance of the inevitable.

    He's smoking. While it's terribly hypocritical on my part (heavy smoker until last month), I refuse to allow it in my home by my children; I have always *always* told my kids not to start, that it's dangerous/expensive/dirty/darn near impossible to quit/etc. No lighters, no cigarettes, nada. His solution is he just won't come home then. Bravo, child of mine. Awesome logic. Truly impressive.

    He went AWOL sometime this week. I'm going to have to call his case manager because his details are a bit squirrely but it sounds like he told his teacher he was going to the library (not in school, in community), teach said no, he left. Wonderful choice. Way to show us he's ready to live at home.

    Told husband that some of his peers bought pot but *he* didn't partake. Given past history, I'm 99.9% sure this means he did. He just can't do things without letting us know one way or another. How long does THC show up in urine?

    Coming up on 3 months in this placement... doggone it if he isn't trying really hard to run true to form. I just don't know... heaven help me, but I so want to be done with interventions.
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    THC shows up for about a month, longer if they have lots of body fat or have smoked a lot of dope. It is a fat soluble drug. You can "cleanse" yourself and test clean sooner, they actually sell stuff at health food stores for this purpose, and just plain old niacin does it also. Niacin can make the person very red and uncomfortable.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Sue,
    I am so sorry that thank you is struggling. I've been really hoping and saying some prayers that he would do well in this setting. I can understand the wanting to be done with interventions. Hugs.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Sorry to hear thank you is following his usual pattern. It appears that all the interventions, all the placements, all the non stop repetitive teaching & reteaching of life skills (stop & think) hasn't made the impact that had been assumed.

    You're not in a place to rescue your son from his choices; you've health issues & 3 other children to care for. Young thank you is supposed to be an "adult" - is in a place to guide him in that role.

    Sweetie, you need a break.
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Same old, same old. I recognize the pattern too.
    Sorry to hear that he is sabotaging himself. The real world is scary for him evidently or he just doesn't get it.

    As far as you telling kids not to do something, you do know that is a red flag to a bull. Even my easy child will do something the absolute opposite of what I think he should do. (NYC instead of a more rural school) We guide, we suggest but in the end what they decide will be and must be their choice. It is also a sign of a mind of their own even if it is self destructive. No one wants their children to grow up and follow mindlessly the teachings of anyone including us. Smoking at 16 is pretty normal. As long as you don't pay for it, you don't have it in your house and he doesn't smoke when you are around, there is little you can do. Hopefully the sheer stink of it will turn him off.

    He does love to stir the pot doesn't he?
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Hugs Sue}}} He's got to work through this and I know how painful it is to step back and watch. Hang in there.
  7. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    crazymamma is right about the thc staying in your system. Really depends on how much body fat you have. If he takes Niacin... or too much of it, it can cause heart attack, stroke, etc.

    So sorry you are having to go through this yet again. :sad:

  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I think Sue, it is more about you getting plain old tired of the whole thing. I know with ant it has come to me accepting that this may be chronic, all the interventions in the world have not stopped his patterns. he is who he is. as he gets older it is much less about my mothering him. it is more about him getting out there into the world and being him. I cannot stop that. I pray he can manage. I know not to hope for too much.
    it wears you out to acceptance.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry, Sue. Best to you and thank you, that this passes quickly ... or at least, that you can hold on.
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am SO sorry.........I was SO hoping for better.
    Please hang in there, and take care of yourself. The more detached you are, the more his choices will affect him.

    Sending you massive Texan hugs
  11. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I really don't have much to add to the excellent advice the others have already given you. I just wanted to let you know I think I understand how you feel too. It isn't easy to remain detached and accept the fact that our difficult children are going to be who they are - We can't change this.

    I wish I could just knock some sense into all of our difficult children!!! WFEN
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    The smoking...well anyone can make that bad choice. But, the leaving when being told not to..that is cause for concern.

    I do not think you should worry about it too much. As with a ton of things in out lives, we do not have the ability to control a lot of it.