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Treading lightly on this one
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 49132" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>If biomum is so much in denial that she believes tat with CPS out of the way, she will have free access to her daughter - then I have a number of deep concerns for you.</p><p></p><p>1) That sort of denial also goes hand in hand with, "I'm not really an addict, I can stop at any time, and a little bit now and then won't hurt me. I've already demonstrated that I can go off the drugs, I've done it in rehab many times before." In other words, without CPS breathing down her neck it is far more likely she will begin with sneaking some drugs now and then and we know where that's likely to go.</p><p></p><p>AND</p><p></p><p>2) If she's thinking that you will just hand daughter over whenever biomum crooks her finger, then ANY restrictions you try to put on, she will perceive as you blocking her access, possibly with a view to permanently blocking her further down the track. After all, the aim of every foster parent is closed adoption - or at least, that's the fear and belief of many relinquishing parents. So no matter how you try to reassure her, she won't believe you if you are not giving her free access to her daughter.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry, but I think you need to prepare yourselves for court.</p><p></p><p>You can try and go in gently, but you could end up giving her too many concessions, and STILL end up in court.</p><p></p><p>This is not going to be easy.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 49132, member: 1991"] If biomum is so much in denial that she believes tat with CPS out of the way, she will have free access to her daughter - then I have a number of deep concerns for you. 1) That sort of denial also goes hand in hand with, "I'm not really an addict, I can stop at any time, and a little bit now and then won't hurt me. I've already demonstrated that I can go off the drugs, I've done it in rehab many times before." In other words, without CPS breathing down her neck it is far more likely she will begin with sneaking some drugs now and then and we know where that's likely to go. AND 2) If she's thinking that you will just hand daughter over whenever biomum crooks her finger, then ANY restrictions you try to put on, she will perceive as you blocking her access, possibly with a view to permanently blocking her further down the track. After all, the aim of every foster parent is closed adoption - or at least, that's the fear and belief of many relinquishing parents. So no matter how you try to reassure her, she won't believe you if you are not giving her free access to her daughter. I'm sorry, but I think you need to prepare yourselves for court. You can try and go in gently, but you could end up giving her too many concessions, and STILL end up in court. This is not going to be easy. Marg [/QUOTE]
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