treading water/trip worries

[tonime]

Well, things have settled down. difficult child is doing ok-- keeping fingers crossed. He is doing well in his classroom--behavior wise--just a little rough in the mornings. He is back on his old medications-- and things seem ok.
We have gone to the therapist twice so far. difficult child likes him-- but he isn't spilling his guts in there or anything. I was in the first session, and husband and I were with him in the second session.

difficult child's school has this big camping/nature trip in his grade. It is 3 days and 2 nights away. husband is voulunteering for the trip. He will have to stay with difficult child and the other boys in his class in a cabin. Parents leave each morning and return each night.
husband is in a lot of pain right now -- with a physical problem (which I can't really go into-- a little embarrasing)-- he needs surgery for this issue--which he is going to do after the trip.
I am just anxious for him--I am praying that difficult child doesn't give him major issues and that husband can deal with his pain.
I would gladly take husband's place--but women are not allowed to chaperone a boy's cabin-- I would be put with the girls-- so there is no use in me going.

I can't wait until October is over!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Marguerite]

Does husband have a pain management plan in place? Will he be comfortable enough in the camp bed?

If so, then I would be grateful to him for being prepared to do this for his son.

If he can, husband can use the daytime to get the rest he needs and also the pain management. If he is on pain medications he will need to keep them on him and not anywhere that the kids can get their hands on them.

If husband can keep his physical pain separate to his emotional concerns, then this will be a good thing - it will help him feel that he can still be of use and a darn good father. I can vouch for the problems of being in constant pain and feeling useless when it comes to parenting a needy child.

I'm not going to pry about what is wrong with your husband, but if there is any pressure pain or contact pain, he could perhaps take extra cushioning or perhaps a sheepskin as extra assistance and comfort in a camp bed (or seating). But I speak from experience when it comes to pain medications - I was volunteering at the local school some years ago and accidentally dropped my pain medications. A kid found them, a kid who was also a close friend (son of best friend) who recognised my name on the prescription label. But it did cause a lot of trouble. So make sure your husband goes carefully with this one. Keep medications (a couple of days' dosage only) in a buttoned/zipped pocket of the clothes he is wearing (inner clothing, not outer wear). Also make sure that any medications he is carrying are known to officials in charge.

Also husband needs to expect to get little or no sleep. If he goes in with this expectation as well a the pan to catch up during the days, then any sleep he DOES get will be a bonus.

I hope it goes well. If he plans it well there is no reason why this shouldn't work. If he has really thought it through and wants to do this, then let him. Don't be too overprotective. Even if it wears him out, maybe even aggravates his pain - if husband is happy to do this and accepts the likely negatives - this is his choice.

I say this as a person in constant severe pain with physical limitations. I need to be needed, I need to be useful. I also recognise that the people who love me want to protect me and hate to see me in pain.

Give him a hug and a fleecy sheepskin, then send him off with a smile. Try not to bite your fingernails down to the quick while they're gone - this should be a vital experience for them both.

Marg

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I'm glad that difficult child seems to like his therapist. I do have a suggestion. Why not let him talk with the therapist alone. You said you stayed the first appointment and both you and husband were there the second. At 11, your son is old enough to build a relationship of trust with this therapist but it requires his feeling comfortable and speaking honestly. There may be things he would say to the therapist that he wouldn't say to you or husband.

In regards to husband and the camping trip - I hope he will be able to keep his pain in check while on the trip. Perhaps a call to his doctor to let him know will bring some relief in the form of medications or something physically he can do to relieive some of that pain.

Sharon