A few days ago I posted about a family vacation that my parents and brother had planned. I initially had told my mother no when she asked and told my brother I would think about it. Two days later I get a call from the brother with the dates and location. I was irritated with it because they didn't confirm with us beforehand and because I am not really wanting to spend time with my parents and difficult child right now. On the other hand I am getting ready to move 35 hours away from my parents/difficult child and probably 50 hours away from my brother. So I rationalized going since they had already rented the place, I wasn't going to see them anytime soon, easy child and difficult child needed time together, and we probably needed to spend some time with difficult child. As usual I minimized the pain it would cause me, husband, and our pocketbook and started making plans to attend. Yesterday while sitting around during jury duty breaks I got downright mad! My family knows I am getting ready to move across the country and that even though the Army will move us and pay some moving dividends that it costs a lot of money to set up a new household. They know I have three dogs to fly across country. They know I don't have a buyer for my home or even a renter to cover the mortgage. They know I am basically going to lose my job. They know that all of us can barely get through a meal together without it being volatile or at least extremely stressful. They know all this yet they still booked this vacation without confirmation from me that I would attend. Last night I talked with husband and guess what he can't even get off work for all of the days. I scraped together enough leave to do it but there is no way I want to go and try to face all of it without him to support me. Anyway it hit me at some point yesterday that I had been triangulated! They effectively put me in a position to either be a but+ and not attend or be miserable and attend. They knew I would want to see my brother and difficult child before moving and did what they could to make it happen by maneuvering me into a bad position. So today I am sending them all an email and letting them know that because of costs and husband's innability to get off work we will not be coming for the whole week we will be coming for three days and spending that time away from the rental they already have. I am not going to feel bad about it because I can't afford any more than that and because husband can't get off for the time. This way I get to see my brother and spend a little time with difficult child and my parents on my own terms. This detachment stuff is hard! But I am determined to stand up for myself once and for all.