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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 655396" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi Sherri, I remember your story. I'm sorry it has developed in this way. It's pretty gruesome for us parents when our kids go off to jail, I know that from my own experience. That same thing happened to my daughter last year, she got out and within a week was back in. </p><p></p><p>Here's my advice for you......there isn't anything you can do right now. You've already decided not to pay for an attorney this time, so he is going to have to face the consequences on his own. While he is 'detained' begin to put the focus back on yourself. You've been taking care of business where your son is concerned since he is 14 years old, I'm sure you are depleted, exhausted and near or at the end of your rope. Now is the time to <u>take care of YOU. </u>Make each day about what it is YOU want. Get yourself supported, therapy, 12 step groups, Al Anon, Families Anonymous, Parent Groups, NAMI, whatever works for you. Put effort into nourishing yourself with the things you feel nurtured by. Build up your arsenal of tools to keep yourself strong and resolved about how you will handle the calls from jail, keep them short and about what YOU want. Decide how you will handle his jail account and if you are willing or not to put money on his "books." Each day do something, at least ONE thing, that is kind and nourishing for yourself. </p><p></p><p>Read inspiring, uplifting books which will support you through this and give you the fortitude to gain not only the strength to walk through this, but bring you peace of mind and acceptance. The books which helped me the most were any book by Pema Chodron, in particular, Living with Uncertainty; The Power of Now and The new earth by Eckart Tolle and books by Brene Brown. They helped me to learn about how I could shift my<em> own </em>thinking so that I could move over into peace in spite of what my daughter, or in fact, anyone, is doing. Not easy, but doable. Re-read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Keep yourself in supportive environments where YOU matter and YOUR needs are met. We get into a rut when our kids are troubled, we make everything about them and in the meantime we get burned out because all the energy goes out to them, none gets returned to us. Now is the time to correct that and bring back the balance.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, as time goes by, this gets a lot easier. The shock of it wears off and it becomes your new "normal." In the meantime, take very good care of <u>you.</u> We're all here if you need us, you're not alone. We know how you feel. Sending you a big hug.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 655396, member: 13542"] Hi Sherri, I remember your story. I'm sorry it has developed in this way. It's pretty gruesome for us parents when our kids go off to jail, I know that from my own experience. That same thing happened to my daughter last year, she got out and within a week was back in. Here's my advice for you......there isn't anything you can do right now. You've already decided not to pay for an attorney this time, so he is going to have to face the consequences on his own. While he is 'detained' begin to put the focus back on yourself. You've been taking care of business where your son is concerned since he is 14 years old, I'm sure you are depleted, exhausted and near or at the end of your rope. Now is the time to [U]take care of YOU. [/U]Make each day about what it is YOU want. Get yourself supported, therapy, 12 step groups, Al Anon, Families Anonymous, Parent Groups, NAMI, whatever works for you. Put effort into nourishing yourself with the things you feel nurtured by. Build up your arsenal of tools to keep yourself strong and resolved about how you will handle the calls from jail, keep them short and about what YOU want. Decide how you will handle his jail account and if you are willing or not to put money on his "books." Each day do something, at least ONE thing, that is kind and nourishing for yourself. Read inspiring, uplifting books which will support you through this and give you the fortitude to gain not only the strength to walk through this, but bring you peace of mind and acceptance. The books which helped me the most were any book by Pema Chodron, in particular, Living with Uncertainty; The Power of Now and The new earth by Eckart Tolle and books by Brene Brown. They helped me to learn about how I could shift my[I] own [/I]thinking so that I could move over into peace in spite of what my daughter, or in fact, anyone, is doing. Not easy, but doable. Re-read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Keep yourself in supportive environments where YOU matter and YOUR needs are met. We get into a rut when our kids are troubled, we make everything about them and in the meantime we get burned out because all the energy goes out to them, none gets returned to us. Now is the time to correct that and bring back the balance. Hang in there, as time goes by, this gets a lot easier. The shock of it wears off and it becomes your new "normal." In the meantime, take very good care of [U]you.[/U] We're all here if you need us, you're not alone. We know how you feel. Sending you a big hug..... [/QUOTE]
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