Trip to Memphis

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I'm leaving work early today.

Husband and I and our two furry babies are driving to Memphis to see our son. We will pick him up in the morning and take him to breakfast and then back to the room to see the dogs - he has not seen them in over two years.

I am sure it will be a sight to see. I will not cry. I will not cry.

We will spend the day together - hopefully go to the zoo - and then he gets to stay with us one night. He is going to show us his work and his church too.

I have detached from him to save my heart. I love passionately and with everything I have and it's a curse and a blessing. I have pushed my feelings so far down inside of me that I don't know where they are or how I even feel anymore. I am very afraid of being hurt again. If you love deeply you hurt deeply too.

It will take a long time for me to trust him again. Words won't do it.

Wish me luck!
 

Kathy813

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I hope you have a wonderful visit. I completely understand your fears. Even though my daughter has been sober for over 2.5 years, I get a funny feeling every time she calls. I worry that it will be bad news. I don't know how long or if I will ever get over that feeling.

Just like our addict loved ones, we have to learn to take it one day at a time and enjoy the moment.
 

Nature

Active Member
I hope you experience lots of joy and smiles when you visit your son. I too understand the hint of fear that goes along with it. It sounds as if he has made a lot of positives in his life! I'll be thinking of you and hope everything turns out better than expected.
 

Nature

Active Member
Lots of words of wisdom there....I agree..his actions will show he's focused on making a change.
"It will take a long time for me to trust him again. Words won't do it."
 

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
Praying for blessings and safe travels, RN! I hope you have a wonderful visit with your son and that he keeps moving forward with his recovery.
I know the hardship of loving and hurting deeply and how those wounds are so difficult to heal.
You are a strong woman.
Go have fun!
Leafy
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Thanks to everyone for their support and prayers!

The trip there was not fun. Husband got a speeding ticket. Things are crazy in Mississippi! Trooper was pulling people over when he already had someone pulled over. He wasn't speeding but there was no way to tell this trooper that. He was pulling people over while they were doing 70 mph and standing on the side of the road. Crazy. The guy in front of us was doing 83 but there was no explaining it. He found out there was an online course so will take it so it won't count against him and just pay it.

Our son looks great. He looks better than I have ever seen him look in his late teen or adult life. He is working out in his spare time which is only on Saturdays since they have to be in at 6pm for the night and he works until 5pm. He is eating healthy and caring for himself better than ever.

We had planned to go to the zoo but it was not good weather so we saw a movie and did some shopping and ate! He loved seeing the dogs and it was great that he got to see them. The room smelled like wet dog due to the rain but not much we could do! So we kind of had our own zoo.
:cool_dog:

I felt pretty comfortable around him which was good. He normally makes me very nervous. I was nervous but not as bad as I used to be. I know that he has learned so much. We referred to it as a sort of school. He actually had to teach a class last week as part of his graduating requirements and said he did fine and he didn't even turn red. He is ready to get away from living with ten guys with one sink.

He also said that the others look up to those like him in the final phase. They are like celebrities there. He felt that way about the guys in the final phase too at one time. He said that feels good. I told him that we are proud that he has stuck with this and he should be proud too. I think it is good for his self esteem to finally have something to feel good about!

He talked about getting HIS phone back and his dad reminded him that he bought it with our money without our consent so he could work to pay it off. He is also saving for a car down-payment. Originally he was not happy to work full time because he could not go to the gym which he really enjoys, but did realize he had his priorities wrong so now is thankful for the hours which means he can save more money. He knows he can go to the gym after work every day when he comes home. He seems really into it and that is a good addiction -- if you must have one.

He showed us his route to work - on his bike - well the bike they loan him for $5 per week. He rides in the rain too. It's pretty far and through some rough neighborhoods. It initially made me worry about this very white boy riding through the neighborhoods but....well you know the rest.

He mentioned that a guy that had gotten to the final phase of the program and someone he considered a friend was caught doing pills (and stole $20 from J but denied it) and got kicked out a few months ago. He is several years older than J and has a daughter. He said that he showed up at a Celebrate Recovery meeting last week and he was so thin that J could barely look at him. It was painful. I think he was meant to see that though.

He is the youngest person there and the reason why is because WE said NO MORE and would not let him live in our home and drug and that forced him to go down faster. It was a risk we were willing to take. A risk we had to take to save him from himself.

He seems very thankful for all that we did for him and happy to see us. I have hope that this time things will be different but I don't know how long it will take to shake the feeling I have or if I will ever shake it like Kathy said.

I know that we have done everything we can do, as parents, to give him the best possible opportunity to live a good life that he can be proud of and THAT gives me peace. We just hope that he sees that and is ready to move forward. It seems so but I did not want to bring up the past so we could have a happy weekend.
 

recoveringenabler

Well-Known Member
Staff member
What a lovely update RN0441......thank you.
I'm very glad your son is doing so well.
I know how trepidatious you were before the weekend, perhaps you can relax a bit now and acknowledge how far all of you have come....enjoy these moments of presence and calm......you sure deserve them!
(((HUGS)))
 

Kathy813

Well-Known Member
Staff member
What a wonderful post, RN. I am so happy for you and your son. Sorry about the ticket on the way there. It sounds like it was a speed trap.

I hope that there are many happy days ahead for your son. He has worked very hard to get where he is.

Kathy
 

Tired out

Well-Known Member
Sorry they got hubby with a ticket, glad he can knock it off to save insurance $$..some cops give all cops a bad name.
It sounds like you had a good visit and your son is doing well. That is wonderful news. I hope he can continue to see a bright future.
Prayers and wishes of a wonderful life for all of you!
 

Nature

Active Member
Your post made me smile. Thank you for sharing this good news with us. I'm so happy for you and your family. The part about his friend whom was kicked out of the program yet showed up to the Celebrate Recovery may have a deep meaning for your son. It allowed him to "see" what drugs does to a body and soul - a bittersweet lesson for him I'm sure.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.
 

Littleboylost

Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
What a wonderful trip rain , wet dogs and speeding ticket aside. I am so thrilled to hear of your sons success. There is hope there is always hope.
I know hone is coming soon. Take it day by day and I do hope you enjoy your time left away from him.

Keep us posted.
 
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