Trouble with adult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by RMD, Nov 1, 2011.

  1. RMD

    RMD New Member

    I have a 26 year old son that still lives at home. He keeps getting fired from one job after another. The latest was because he forged a time card. Before that was watching porn on the company computer. Before that was caught lying to the manager. He has lost more jobs in the last few years that I have ever had, and I am 50!
    Lately I have caught him looking at porn on my work laptop, and having an online conversation of a sexual nature with a married woman. When I confronted him on this, as a concerned father, things quickly escalated - as they always do. He basically said that I was at fault for reading his stuff, stuff that he left on my computer screen! He denies everything unless and until you can prove that he did it. Then he makes it all my fault saying that I am too stern and disrespectful with him. He said that he doesn't have any problems with anybody but me. The he say's, "I don't have any friends. I keep getting fired because nobody likes me." His personal hygiene is atrocious and his teeth are rotting out of his head (drugs???). He once rented a room and when he left, they had to trash the sofa that he slept on because of the odor.
    Over this latest incident (sexual talk with a married woman) and his subsequent absolute disrespect (screaming at me to shut up and get out of his face - even once bowing out his chest and coming at me), I told him it was time to get out. He said, "I get 30 days." Legally, he does, so I said, "OK, you just got it." 10 days later I reminded him that he had about 2 1/2 weeks left to find another place to live. He said, "You never gave me anything in writing." I told him that I didn't have the time for this now because I had to take his younger brother (13) to a Dr. appointment. He said, "Kiss my a**." When I got home I gave him his written notice to vacate. He ripped it up and threw it away.
    Quite frankly I am somewhat concerned that he might come into my bedroom while I am sleeping and do something to me or my wife. He stays up all night eating and watching TV and sleeps during the day. What can I do?
    Thank you for any help or advice.
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Hi, welcome, and sorry you have to be here.

    What state are you in? is he paying rent? Have you specifically looked up "squatter's rights" in your locality - could be county and not necessarily state - to be sure he does get 30 days? If he does, send him a certified, return receipt written notice. Make sure he has to sign for it personally - do not allow "agent signature". This will legally start your timeline. Since it sounds like he won't listen anyway, you can start formal eviction proceedings. If you find out that he really isn't entitled to such notice, be prepared for him to leave the house, and when he does, pack up his stuff, put it on the curb, and change the locks.

    In the meantime? Don't allow him access to your computer. Got cable with a box? Password protect it. Does he contribute to the food budget? No? Get locks for the fridge and pantry cabinets. He can eat with the family at mealtimes and that's it. He want's to eat all night long? He can provide his own food for that.

    JUST an FYI, I am not in your shoes, nor have I ever been. However I have had some horrid roommates that I have had to kick out using drastic measures - it's just never been a family member, nor my own child.

    Others will be along to provide their input. You may want to re-post this on the 'Parent Emeritus' Forum. Over there, you will find more parents who are or have been in similar situations and can give you more detailed advice and insights.

    Welcome again.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    welcome to this amazing board. Keista has a great suggestion. copy and paste this in the parent em. forum. also if you could go to settings and make as signature that will help people follow you and post more specifically.
    I am not in your situation at all (though we all have more extreme challenges in parenting) but wanted to welcome you and I know you will find many who are in same or similar situations (or have been so can really advise you well).

    My best to you.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Hi there! You might want to copy and paste your post into the Parent Emeritis (sp) section, too.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would go straight to the forum "Parent Emeritus" where the other parents of grown kids chat. Your son in my opinion seriously needs to be shown the door, but they will tell you more about it over there. That is insane that at twenty-six he can still live at your house and be so irresponisble and rude. Go give the other forum a look/see. I think you'll find people who understand...
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    There are others here who have had to legally evict their adult children, I'm sure they'll have helpful advice. But as far as the eviction notice, I'm betting it probably has to be more than you just writing it on a piece of paper. So prepare yourself for that in advance.

    As far as the's impossible to use without either the keyboard or the mouse. Lock them up when you're not using them. It was necessary for me to do this when my son passed through his porn stage in high school. It's a pain, but it works. My son was learning computer programing ect, just password protecting it wouldn't have worked.

    Welcome to the board. You may want to hang out with us over in the PE section.