Troubled daughter is in the hospital from a spider bite

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Apr 23, 2012.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I woke up to a missed call from her and then a text from my friend, who difficult child works for, saying she was taking difficult child to the hospital. difficult child has a brown recluse spider bite on the back of her shoulder blade. It looks awful!! The skin around it is dying. I talked to her this morning and difficult child was concerned about the hospital bill and said she would make payments to us for it. I told her not to worry one bit about that, that that is what insurance is for! Told her we don't get hit with an emergency charge when she is admitted and she was certainly admitted. She was on pain medications and sleepy so I told her to get sleep and that her brother and I would come see her when he gets home from school.

    On the job front, I can honestly say that difficult child tried to go to work every day. The flowers were not in, yet, so there was nothing for her to do and so my friend kept pushing her start date out. Then I saw that difficult child had tried yet again to call my friend to go to work and friend didn't answer. Friend calls me later that day and says difficult child is MIA. I told her that I saw that difficult child tried to call her that morning and she says, well, yeah, she did. (I am telling you again, my friend is crazier than difficult child!!). So difficult child told me on Friday that friend had fired her sometime last week (after the crazy call I got saying she was MIA). Then my friend called her again on Friday and offered her a job back but as a driver this time. difficult child was shocked and confused but grabbed the opportunity. So, she must have been going to stay with my friend last night when friend found out about this spider bite and brought her to the hospital. Now difficult child is concerned because she obviously can't go to work today. But husband said dhe cannot lose her job over this or difficult child could sue...

    And the A hole ex-boyfriend. Ugh. It is everything I can do to not find this guy and run him over. He has not left difficult child alone for a minute. I see the phone records. difficult child told me on Friday that they still see each other and have slept together. He is constantly calling her for that. I told her she is worth so much more than that and to respect herself more than that. Of course I got the old, but I love him...and had to sit there and listen to her heartbroken crying. I have never hated anyone so much. Especially someone that I have never met. I wish him pain. Extreme pain. I want so very badly to tell his new young drug addict girlfriend how he won't leave my daughter alone and I have the phone records to prove it. But difficult child says no, it will only make everything worse. I don't know why this piece of trash has such a hold on her. I HATE him.

    So, that is the update over here. Please keep difficult child in your prayers that she heals fast. The wound looks so bad... :(
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    If your friend has given her so many chances she is not going to fire her over this, she is the one who made the call to take her to the hospital anyway. I'd hope you never had to get to a place where you would want to sue someone who gave her so many chances, she sounds like a nice person. Your daughter is living my nightmare! When I was a kid and learned of that kind of spider I about died of worry. We dont have many in MN but we do have them. I sure hope they can treat her and help her to feel better. It sounds awful. Send her lots of board love and wishes for recovery! I hope she can get to that new job soon. Sounds promising......
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I can certainly understand why you hate him... Guys like this give good guys a bad name.

    I'm glad she is in the hospital. That is a horrible bite. However since she's there it will look bad and might eventually scar - but she will be fine.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope the bite is better soon. Glad she got to the hospital.
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {{{hugs}}} my heart fell when I saw the subject. So glad she is ok. I send her best wishes for a speedy recovery!
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Buddy, thank you. I just want to clarify that it wasn't my friend giving difficult child many chances. difficult child kept trying to go to work but my friend didn't have anything for her to do. She had planned on difficult child planting flowers but they had to wait for the flowers to come in. So, difficult child tried calling her every morning. She even called her on the morning that my friend said difficult child was MIA!? Normally I wouldn't take difficult child's word over anyone else's, but the phone records spoke the difficult child didn't want to go to the hospital because she wouldn't make it to work today after waiting so long to start working. So, it is definitely not a lack of wanting to work. Which does make me happy.
    Just talked to my friend and we are going to go see her together later today... :)
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh I am sure she will have a scar. The wound looks deep and ugly. The skin around it looks like it is dying. Fortunately, it is on her shoulder blade so hopefully it will be covered with her hair and won't be too visible. She said she got bit knocking on her friend's front door. :(
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh my it never ends. I'm so sorry about her bite and hope she recovers soon, I know that can be nasty. I don't know what to think about the whole friend/job thing. Your friend does sound a bit strange and then again we know we can't believe much of what our difficult child's say.

    As far as your hatred for this boyfriend I completely understand. I had so much hatred in my heart for the neighbor boy that difficult child went to live with when she relapsed after rehab. Everytime I talked about him with my neighbors (they all knew him since he lived right down the street) I told them I had so much hatred in my heart that I wished him harm. I prayed about that and had to release it because it was making me very bitter and angry. In the end yes he did enable her to relapse but she has since relapsed over and over on her own with or without the help of other people so I can't be angry at everyone and besides it was displaced, I was angry at her.

    I'm sorry things aren't going very well right now but I'm praying for her recovery.

  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hi I posted on your thread in PE. I had a BR spider bite a few years ago and it is painful and ugly. I had medical help and I still have a horrid scar on my sholder. I was supposed to go back for scar revision surgery but opted out due to my age but that is always an option for your daughter. I am glad she is getting medical care. I am sure she will be ok but the wound can take months to heal. Make sure she keeps her doctor appointments and follows instructions. (((HUGS))) for her and you. -RM
  10. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Recluse spider bites can be very serious - I'm sure you're used to them down south, but still...OUCH! I'm glad she's in the hospital for it, though, and hope she improves quickly. It's just unbelievable sometimes to step back and look at things objectively and wonder, what in the h**l is going on? The kid is just trying to be responsible in her job anyway, and she goes ahead and gets a wicked spider bite. Sometimes, if it weren't for bad luck, our difficult children would have no luck at all - with the caveat that most of the time they cause their own bad luck, but really? Just when she's taking baby steps to show her dedication and industriousness?

    by the way, I get the whole hatred thing. I'm half Sicilian, so my fury is Shakespearean at times. I'm so with you on that. I'm a big fan of hatred (lol)!
  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Just got off the phone with my friend. difficult child has track marks on both arms. Obviously the drug use has escalated. :( I am not suprised, but so deeply worried and sick over it. I was praying she would never get to that point.
    She told difficult child that difficult child is not going anywhere but work during the week when she gets out of the hospital. We will see how long that lasts or if it will even work. We are both ready to fight to save her. I will support her completely as long as she is living with my friend, working every day and working on changing her life. I cannot just stay out of her life. It is not working. It is not changing anything and difficult child is just getting worse. :(
  12. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    OMW. It really is crisis after crisis. She just called me. They discharged her. She was upset saying that her doctor said she needs to be there at least two days so they can grow a culture but she said the other doctor and nurse have been working on discharging her all day since early this morning. She mentioned they even had security come to remove her. Something tells me I didn't get the full story and I am thinking she was probably flipping out on people like she did the last time she was there or she freaked out when they said she was being discharged. They put up with it when she was a minor, no hospital is going to put up with it as an adult. So I told her that I would come pick her up, fill her prescriptions and bring her to my friend's place so she could rest. Nope, she said she had to call the ex. I ask why and she tells me because he was coming there. I again asked why and she got irritated and said something and that she had to go so she could call him and she would call me back. Between this and hearing about the track marks on her arms, I am completely hopeless. She is spiraling totally and completely out of control and it just keeps getting worse. I know she is not going to take care of that wound. She is not going to take the medications, probably won't even fill them and there is not a dang thing I can do about it. I am probably going to be burying my daughter before she even turns 21.
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh PG I am so sorry. I suspect she either demanded to be released because she needed a fix or like you said she was acting beligerent and they wanted her out, although I am surprised they don't think they would have some liability if they released her too early and something happened. I know you feel helpless and it does sound like she is spiraling out of control. My difficult child is doing the same and it's a horrible feeling, right down in the pit of my gut.

    All you can do now is pray and wait. I am trying to do that too. We can't fix them, only they can do that and the drugs are more important to them.

    (((((I'm sorry)))))

  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I am thinking if they called security, she was definitely beligerant. I am thinking she flipped out when they told her she was being discharged. She was probably counting on being there getting pain medications for a while. I am wondering about the liability as well. I don't know if they confirmed it was a spider bite, or MRSA. She has staph on her nose, too. She said it was all swelled up. I am thinking the hospital saw the track marks on her arm and automatically dismissed her as a drug addict. I have asked her when enough is finally going to be enough. She looks horrible. She looks rough. She is slowly killing herself and there is not a dang thing I can do about it. This is h*ll. Pure, sheer h*ll.

    Nancy, (((HUGS))) I almost wish I were numb, too. I need to be numb. I have not been able to do anything today. Barely got any work done at all because I am wrapped up in her crisis. The only thing that slapped me back into detachment in the least is that she had a horrid attitude on the phone and I could just tell how she must have been to everyone there. Angry. She is so angry. Why does she hate herself so much??
  15. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    OMG, what a horrible situation. She is in such bad shape to be leaving the hospital., whether it's spider bite, MRSA, staph, whatever. She needs to take antibiotics to prevent infection. My guess is she needs to see boyfriend for drugs, but I can't believe even if she was hostile, that the hospital would just release her in such a serious condition. I hope you get to the bottom of the story, and pray you can convince her to get herself treated for this (everything) before it's too late...that's if she's even able to comprehend what you're asking. HUGS to you...I'm so sorry.
  16. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She was coming down off the drugs and she was aggitated. My dad is an alcoholic. He is now 92 years old so his active drinking days are over, but he would often go in and out of the hospital for various reasons. He would start out being very plesant to everyone and the nurses loved him and joked around with him. After a couple days he started getting nervous and cranky and then he got downright nasty. The nurses no longer joked around with him and he started making demands and complaining. Soon after they would release him and I always knew it was because they wanted to get rid of him. I watched this over and over again and when I got old enough to understand I realized it was because he was drying out and needed alcohol. I couldn't understand why he was so nice to the nurses in the beginning and then he got beligerent. I never understood what they did to him to make him so mad. And then I realized it wasn't them it was him.

    You are not seeing your difficult child, you are seeing the drugs.

    Oh and I'm not that numb. I woke up three times last night worrying about her. I haven't slept through the night since I found out she got fired. I want to sleep through the night again. I want to stop worrying about what she is going to do and what is going to happen. I want to be able to think about ANYTHING but her for a whole day.

  17. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I just posed the question to a nurse friend of mine that works down the street from where difficult child was. I find it odd that they could discharge her in that condition as well. I don't think difficult child checked herself out. She was too angry, she was crying and sounded kind of scared about her condition for me to think leaving was her choice. I did tell her honestly that everyone probably saw her as a drug addict and they don't treat drug addicts very nicely. A natural side effect of being a drug addict - she is beginning to really look like one now. It is so sad. I know she misses her grandparents terribly and we are taking a vacation with them in July. Of course I have not even mentioned this to difficult child. I wouldn't even want them to see her the way she looks now. I want them to remember the pretty girl she was. :(
    I just feel like I am part of this horror movie that I did not want to be in. SO hopeless. I keep texting her and she keeps ignoring me. I have to detach but I am scared to death of what will happen with that wound. This morning I was feeling like I wanted to go scoop her up and tell her it is all going to be okay and daydreamed that she would stay with my friend, work and get over this loser druggie lifestyle she is living. But, I know I am only fooling myself...there is nothing I can do and nothing I can say that is going to make one iota of a difference with her. Nothing.
  18. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I just don't know what to say. I am so so sorry that she is in such a grip of addiction.

    You know, my first reaction to hearing that she was in the hospital was that it was good that she would be away from drugs for a little while. I sure the withdrawal hit, though, which caused the acting out.

    Was the sore ever actually diagnosed as a spider bite? Since she has a staff infection on her nose, it seems reasonable that she could also have it on her shoulder. I don't know much about MRSA but I think Janet said she had sores in more than one place.

    by the way, I don't know her boyfriend and I hate him, too. Maybe we could use a little of the board juju for evil purposes, too . . . like make him disappear from your difficult child's life.

  19. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Now that would be greatly appreciated!!! I gave one last plea in a text asking that she make that choice of going to my friend's, working, and getting off drugs. I told her that I want my dang daughter back! She hasn't responded, but I saw that she did try calling my friend twice so hopefully she will be going there. Not sure she really has anywhere else to go at this point. She told me the other day that the person she was staying with told her she needed to find another place to go and it was A hole that dropped her off at my friend's house last night.
    My friend is the one that told me it was a brown recluse spider bite and the picture of it sure matched the pictures I Googled. But, my nurse friend said it looked like MRSA and difficult child talked about growing cultures. Do they grow cultures for a spider bite? I don't know if they told her what it was for sure...
  20. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PG I'm sorry, this has got to be so incredibly hard on you, I have no words other then prayers for you and your difficult child and big truckloads of hugs and good wishes.............:consoling: