Trusting a defiant and adhd child to go down the block alone...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Sep 28, 2013.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    As you know, Im working on the appointment with the Neurologist for official testing ( pediatrician said ADHD/ODD/Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)) thats in just over two weeks now!!!! Finally!

    So anyway, do I trust son to walk 4 house down to play with his new friend? He always threatens about taking off, he started to twice now but I got him. He has no attention span and loves to just wander.( plus he's still obsessed with calling or screaming for the police for everything. Yes, we are going to the station to have a chat with them.) Also what if he gets into his rages or episodes as we are calling then now and IM Not there? But he says he will be ok 4 doors down ( during the day of course). Should I let him go alone? I have his sister taking him or watching him from our house as I watch him. Im nervous with him just in our front gated yard!! He loves to climb over it out just go. Ive had the stranger talk, slash cars pulling in and out of the drive as well as not to play in the street.

    What age did you all let them go alone-how far?

    Fish oil Im starting him on this week- it couldn't hurt right? I will follow the dosage and also call his pediatrician. Maybe it will help- maybe it wont. Thanks all, have a great weekend
  2. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi Confused. My son started going out by himself at the age of 4... that seems shocking but he has always been so independent and "street smart". Started walking to school by himself - down a hill and across a road - at the age of 5. I'd go for it. If you don't give kids any freedom or responsibility, they can't rise to the occasion.
    The fish oil is Omega 3? I've been giving it to J for five years now... never noticed any difference :) Zinc, magnesium and iron are also good.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would let him go, but I'd watch especially if there are streets nearby. I wouldn't let him go by himself. At this point in time, you really don't know the Big Picture as to what is wrong with him or how capable he is and I'd want to foster confidence in him without putting him at risk to his impulses. It was a long time before I kept my eyes off of Sonic when he was outdoors because he was also impulsive and I was afraid he'd get the notion to bolt into the street and he would TALK to strangers in cars if they slowed down and spoke to him, no matter how often we told him not to.

    Use your own judgment and your mommy instinct. Going slower didn't make Sonic a hermit. He is twenty now and goes all over the place on his bike and does it with care and caution (unlike his early years).
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Obviously it is entirely your choice but since you asked for input, lol, I would likely expect my difficult child to "prove" that my trust is earned. Yes, I realize that four houses is minimal but on the other hand it sounds like he is a dare devil who "might" want melodrama more than the permission needed to walk somewhere alone. I've never raised an ADHD child who yearned for police attention etc. Of the three ADHD kids I raised one would have been allowed that freedom and more, the 2nd one I would (and did) stand on the sidewalk and watch to see if he went straight to the friends house...the 3rd one I shadowed until I felt confident. I tend to be cautious. Good luck. DDD
  5. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    I would trust your instincts.

    I don't think its unreasonable to stand at the curb and watch a 7 year old walk four houses down. if he does it consistently without incident, then you can (maybe) rethink it. he needs to earn that trust and show he can handle the responsibility...a lot of our kids cant.

    but I think it is reasonable at that age, even in easy child world, let alone difficult child world.
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I honestly don't think these things are set in stone. In other words, people - and that includes our different kids - have the potential to rise to the occasion if we ask it of them and if they have a specific task, like going to the friend's house. You know your son and we don't, however.

    All I can tell you is that J is highly impulsive and occasionally defiant. But as I write he has gone to the shops - about a minute's walk away - by himself to buy bread on his scooter and I know he will complete the mission successfully and without incident (yes, I know, that'll be famous last words :) ) He likes to have jobs to do like this and he is responsible when carrying them out.

    Ah, that's him back now! Actually it was famous last words in that he had successfully brought the bread but not the other 2 things I had asked for and not the change, which he forgot to take... now he has gone back to get it. But the main thing is that he did not deviate from his task. This is partly cultural. It is routine for kids of his age to be out by themselves, where they are watched by the adults of the neighbourhood, who know them.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You are SO fortunate.
    That's the kind of neighborhood I grew up in... they don't exist around here any more.
    But it DOES make it safer in giving our kids some "rope" when other friendly eyes are watching what they do and know who they belong to... and are not afraid to get involved.
  8. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thanks all ( sorry if this is repeated but im having trouble with the site) But my instincts I feel are wrong how do I trust them my son hasnt changed and people say its all my fault. I do appricate the tips and great endings with yor families!!! Many things to consider
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Who says it's all your fault? Psychiatrists and neuropsychs (who have the knowledge and education to know) or your mother, your aunt, your neitghbor, your (cough) friends, your kissing cousin or Joe Blow who sees your child acting up in the store and thinks he could cure him with a good trip to the woodshed?

    The only people who know squat and should matter to you are the psychiatrist and neuropsychologist. People who have never gone through this and have no education on childhood disorders at all are completely clueless. They know as much about why your child is like he is as they understand rocket science. IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE! In fact, tell them you would rather not discuss your son. Period.

    Malika, there are very few neighborhoods in the US that are safe enough for a difficult child to wander around in. Nobody would know him or pay attention to him and there is very real danger if a child should decide to veer off from his path. I live in a small town and I still waited a very long time to let Sonic do the stuff other kids his age did all the time. He was too apt to get sidetracked. I certainly can't say for sure, but if J lived in the US, I am thinking you would not want him too far out of your sight.
  10. Confused

    Confused Guest

    It was the Pysch whatever he was oo think I found it. It says he is a "counselor/ marriage and family theripist LPC "a couple years ago, my grandfather and their father. Well, and me . But the rest of my family and friends see something is up besides me not being perfect. My one friend has been /helped me with his tantrums but still says he does not have big issues, maybe lil or adhd possibly because he is pretty well behaved for the most part in front her. Most neighbors say all our fault ( they dont like like us plus sadly we have yelled back like a child after his violent long tantrums. Plus after various reward punishment etc, I have caved in after punishment to avoid war. Bad on our part yes - no denying it. It doesn't help him or us when we have. After 5 years, ya it gets to us. :(

    A few neighbors are understanding and one in particular has been trying to get us in to neuro evaluations but they all wanted the referral cuz medicaid. I slept all day after he finally went to school because I have been getting so sick after these episodes. We are all drained.

    Oh,, I do carry around the pediatrician finding of ADHD/ODD/Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) on his health paper because of my sons issues I can show anyone if need be. But thank you! I will be a a better mom and person starting now... as in being mature and gaining patience back. Your right about most streets/cities... you never know