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Trying to get 23 yr old out of my home
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 649761" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome gpolo. I'm so sorry you are going through this with your adult son. You've arrived in a place where we know what you are talking about. Depending upon the state you live in, you may have to serve your son with eviction papers. Here in Ca. you have to do that even if it is your own son. However, you might also consider a restraining order since your son appears to be abusive. Get some legal advice on your options so you can start the process of removing your son from your home. No one should have to live that way. You deserve a peaceful life.</p><p></p><p>You may want to take that picture down and replace it with an avatar that is anonymous. </p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article at the bottom of my page here on detachment, it may help you. You can also call the local domestic abuse hot line, they may be able to offer you support and options. It's hard to recognize that our children are abusive to us, but clearly, here on this site, that is often the case. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourselves and your home and do it immediately. It sounds as if you have been at this a long time and if you've found us then it's highly likely you are ready for a big change. Unfortunately, as in most of our cases, the changes are going to have to be brought about by YOU, your son has the easy ride and has become accustomed to holding you and your husband hostage with his behavior, he will likely give you a rash of 'stuff,' be highly belligerent and more abusive to you once he finds out you are seriously done putting up with his behavior. That's what they do, they manipulate us until they get what they want. Hold steady. Get yourself some supports in place. You might try getting in touch with NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have many chapters. They have excellent courses for parents which can offer you resources.</p><p></p><p>Get your ducks in order with the legalities of removing your son from your home. Get it all in place. Make sure you protect yourselves by perhaps getting the protective order. Get support in some fashion as this is a treacherous emotional path filled with mine fields which blow up frequently......with support you'll be able to maneuver through with help. You don't have to do this alone. Go to 12 step groups like Families anonymous or Al Anon, or if that isn't available, find a parent group or private therapy. Most of us need professional support to walk through this because it is difficult. The support will offer you guidance, a place to vent, resources and comfort. Keep posting here, there are many who have been or are in your shoes and can offer you some real advice, or at the very least, offer you the knowledge that you are not alone. We are here in various stages of detachment from our adult troubled kids.</p><p></p><p>You will find that our kids are very similar in many ways. The way through this is to set some very clear, unbreakable boundaries which have clear consequences. For instance, every time your son shows up at your home, you call the police if he is violating a protective order. Consequences must follow rule breaking every single time, or he will use manipulation again and again. There are local shelters your son can go to if he has no other options. At this stage of the game, he needs to work, earn his own living, pay for his own home and get out of yours. </p><p></p><p>It's essential for you and your husband to be able to have a peaceful home. Your son holding you hostage in your own home is unacceptable behavior. It is time to change. It is time for you to claim your lives back. </p><p></p><p>Keep posting here, it helps. Get support. Find out legally what you can do, and do it. I'm sorry this is happening to you but I'm glad you found us and I'm glad you're here. Stay strong. You're not alone anymore.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 649761, member: 13542"] Welcome gpolo. I'm so sorry you are going through this with your adult son. You've arrived in a place where we know what you are talking about. Depending upon the state you live in, you may have to serve your son with eviction papers. Here in Ca. you have to do that even if it is your own son. However, you might also consider a restraining order since your son appears to be abusive. Get some legal advice on your options so you can start the process of removing your son from your home. No one should have to live that way. You deserve a peaceful life. You may want to take that picture down and replace it with an avatar that is anonymous. You may want to read the article at the bottom of my page here on detachment, it may help you. You can also call the local domestic abuse hot line, they may be able to offer you support and options. It's hard to recognize that our children are abusive to us, but clearly, here on this site, that is often the case. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourselves and your home and do it immediately. It sounds as if you have been at this a long time and if you've found us then it's highly likely you are ready for a big change. Unfortunately, as in most of our cases, the changes are going to have to be brought about by YOU, your son has the easy ride and has become accustomed to holding you and your husband hostage with his behavior, he will likely give you a rash of 'stuff,' be highly belligerent and more abusive to you once he finds out you are seriously done putting up with his behavior. That's what they do, they manipulate us until they get what they want. Hold steady. Get yourself some supports in place. You might try getting in touch with NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have many chapters. They have excellent courses for parents which can offer you resources. Get your ducks in order with the legalities of removing your son from your home. Get it all in place. Make sure you protect yourselves by perhaps getting the protective order. Get support in some fashion as this is a treacherous emotional path filled with mine fields which blow up frequently......with support you'll be able to maneuver through with help. You don't have to do this alone. Go to 12 step groups like Families anonymous or Al Anon, or if that isn't available, find a parent group or private therapy. Most of us need professional support to walk through this because it is difficult. The support will offer you guidance, a place to vent, resources and comfort. Keep posting here, there are many who have been or are in your shoes and can offer you some real advice, or at the very least, offer you the knowledge that you are not alone. We are here in various stages of detachment from our adult troubled kids. You will find that our kids are very similar in many ways. The way through this is to set some very clear, unbreakable boundaries which have clear consequences. For instance, every time your son shows up at your home, you call the police if he is violating a protective order. Consequences must follow rule breaking every single time, or he will use manipulation again and again. There are local shelters your son can go to if he has no other options. At this stage of the game, he needs to work, earn his own living, pay for his own home and get out of yours. It's essential for you and your husband to be able to have a peaceful home. Your son holding you hostage in your own home is unacceptable behavior. It is time to change. It is time for you to claim your lives back. Keep posting here, it helps. Get support. Find out legally what you can do, and do it. I'm sorry this is happening to you but I'm glad you found us and I'm glad you're here. Stay strong. You're not alone anymore. [/QUOTE]
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