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Trying to prepare myself for what's next
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<blockquote data-quote="tishthedish" data-source="post: 628568" data-attributes="member: 17103"><p>COM, I am experiencing a similar situation with difficult child 1. (difficult child 2 is currently in a psychiatric ward after they found grandson in the lake. Just wanted to clarify...I have 2 very active difficult children). He has been found fit to stand trial and is now transferred to the county jail. He thought he would be out in 8 days, but I checked the website and it said his trial is the 2nd week of July. I am relieved he will be there longer.</p><p></p><p>I love the dream conversation you wrote that you wanted to have with your son. I am going to be using it when he does finally get out. He may face jail time or it may be time served. I don't know. I just know that he is not right. He has no substance abuse problems, but the medications aren't right. He will make no effort to have them fixed as I am sure he plans to go off them immediately upon release.</p><p></p><p>There is a very good book called "I'm not sick and I don't need help" also another I just read is called Hungry. The former takes a kinder, gentler approach to dealing with mental illness/addiction. I plan on reading it again. If I can't change his approach to his condition, I still want to keep in contact with him and not have a confrontational relationship. The latter is by Dr. Robin Smith about how we stuff our feelings and make ourselves smaller to please the people in our lives. Boy I'd recommend it to anyone who is on this board.</p><p></p><p>The thing I experience with my difficult child's is that they know my soft, white underbelly. They know my vulnerabilities and what they can say to make me dance. Would your difficult child use your wanting to keep in touch with him as a way to manipulate you or make you miserable? Mine would. One out of illness and one out of substance abuse and just being smarmy.</p><p></p><p>When they were pre-affliction they were sweet, demonstrative, responsible young men with a bright future ahead of them. And I was 10 years younger and 40 lbs lighter. I fear that the stress, tension, walking on eggshells, over-thinking everything I say and do will have a negative effect on my health. And they aren't going to be there either way.</p><p></p><p>It's heartbreaking and I am sad that you are going through this. As a significant date looms large the tensions grow and grow. Mine will peak in July, yours is right around the corner. Please keep taking care of yourself. You sound so strong and clear in your plan. Stick to it. You can't predict his reaction, but you can say what you need to with kindness. That will leave you completely blameless and hopefully keep you off the hook when you replay it in your mind over and over again as we all tend to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tishthedish, post: 628568, member: 17103"] COM, I am experiencing a similar situation with difficult child 1. (difficult child 2 is currently in a psychiatric ward after they found grandson in the lake. Just wanted to clarify...I have 2 very active difficult children). He has been found fit to stand trial and is now transferred to the county jail. He thought he would be out in 8 days, but I checked the website and it said his trial is the 2nd week of July. I am relieved he will be there longer. I love the dream conversation you wrote that you wanted to have with your son. I am going to be using it when he does finally get out. He may face jail time or it may be time served. I don't know. I just know that he is not right. He has no substance abuse problems, but the medications aren't right. He will make no effort to have them fixed as I am sure he plans to go off them immediately upon release. There is a very good book called "I'm not sick and I don't need help" also another I just read is called Hungry. The former takes a kinder, gentler approach to dealing with mental illness/addiction. I plan on reading it again. If I can't change his approach to his condition, I still want to keep in contact with him and not have a confrontational relationship. The latter is by Dr. Robin Smith about how we stuff our feelings and make ourselves smaller to please the people in our lives. Boy I'd recommend it to anyone who is on this board. The thing I experience with my difficult child's is that they know my soft, white underbelly. They know my vulnerabilities and what they can say to make me dance. Would your difficult child use your wanting to keep in touch with him as a way to manipulate you or make you miserable? Mine would. One out of illness and one out of substance abuse and just being smarmy. When they were pre-affliction they were sweet, demonstrative, responsible young men with a bright future ahead of them. And I was 10 years younger and 40 lbs lighter. I fear that the stress, tension, walking on eggshells, over-thinking everything I say and do will have a negative effect on my health. And they aren't going to be there either way. It's heartbreaking and I am sad that you are going through this. As a significant date looms large the tensions grow and grow. Mine will peak in July, yours is right around the corner. Please keep taking care of yourself. You sound so strong and clear in your plan. Stick to it. You can't predict his reaction, but you can say what you need to with kindness. That will leave you completely blameless and hopefully keep you off the hook when you replay it in your mind over and over again as we all tend to do. [/QUOTE]
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