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Substance Abuse
Trying to set Boundaries
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<blockquote data-quote="february" data-source="post: 711745" data-attributes="member: 21578"><p>[QUOTE="SomewhereOutThere, post: 711701, member: 1550streete are many drugs that dont show up in drug tests and users know what they are. We dont.</p><p></p><p>Until I stopped feeling sorry for my daughters bad choices (and we did for a while) she did not make changes to her life. She did after we told her we loved her but that we will not give her a home or a dime until she quit using and stuck to it. No, it was not easy. In our minds, we had to do it for her or we were helping her continue using and could possibly help her die of drugs.</p><p></p><p>She quit, even her cigarettes, and now lives a normsl, happy life with boyfriend of twelve years, a house, a career, and a great mom to my precious granddaughter. Her drugs of choice were meth and cocaine. We didnt know it then but we know she wasnt right.</p><p></p><p>They can quit, but they wont as long as they are taken care of and can spend whatever money they have, be it legally or illegally gained money, on drugs instead of rent, food, gas etc. We always figured that we did not want to help her use drugs in any way. Any monetary help was directly or indirectly used for her poisen.</p><p></p><p>With that mindset, which we learned in therapy and Al Anon, it seemed compassionate to not give her a dime. She didnt see it that way, but we had to let go of her guilt attempts and I cried at night when nobody saw me.</p><p></p><p>She got her act together. Will it work for all? No. But at least if something happens to your beloved child, you did not help her/him buy the dope that caused the car crash or overdose, either directly or indirectly. And for us it was bad enough that we felt this was a possible outcome.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Stand strong.</p></blockquote><p>Did she stay at home or did any rehab? Its a two way street, like you said it does not work for all.you were blessed.</p><p>[/QUOTE]</p>
[QUOTE="february, post: 711745, member: 21578"] [QUOTE="SomewhereOutThere, post: 711701, member: 1550streete are many drugs that dont show up in drug tests and users know what they are. We dont. Until I stopped feeling sorry for my daughters bad choices (and we did for a while) she did not make changes to her life. She did after we told her we loved her but that we will not give her a home or a dime until she quit using and stuck to it. No, it was not easy. In our minds, we had to do it for her or we were helping her continue using and could possibly help her die of drugs. She quit, even her cigarettes, and now lives a normsl, happy life with boyfriend of twelve years, a house, a career, and a great mom to my precious granddaughter. Her drugs of choice were meth and cocaine. We didnt know it then but we know she wasnt right. They can quit, but they wont as long as they are taken care of and can spend whatever money they have, be it legally or illegally gained money, on drugs instead of rent, food, gas etc. We always figured that we did not want to help her use drugs in any way. Any monetary help was directly or indirectly used for her poisen. With that mindset, which we learned in therapy and Al Anon, it seemed compassionate to not give her a dime. She didnt see it that way, but we had to let go of her guilt attempts and I cried at night when nobody saw me. She got her act together. Will it work for all? No. But at least if something happens to your beloved child, you did not help her/him buy the dope that caused the car crash or overdose, either directly or indirectly. And for us it was bad enough that we felt this was a possible outcome. Stand strong.[/QUOTE] Did she stay at home or did any rehab? Its a two way street, like you said it does not work for all.you were blessed. [/QUOTE]
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