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Trying to stay strong by emotions are getting the best of me.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 664133" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>SeaGenie Tx, I'm just so sorry for your loneliness. You've put your energy into him, after losing so many people that you love, and now this. You are completely let down and that is understandable.</p><p></p><p>I'll never forget visiting Difficult Child in jail one time, and waiting in the waiting room to be called to the visiting area, where he and I would talk via screen and a telephone receiver.</p><p></p><p>The woman at the front desk chatted with me a little bit. She said, who are you here to see? I said, My son. She said: How old is he? I said his age, which was 22 or 23. She kind of laughed (not in a bad way) and said, well, you have about three or four years to go. I didn't understand what she meant, and I said: what do you mean? She said: It takes these guys until about 26 or 27 to wake up. </p><p></p><p>There are so many young men doing what your son is doing and what my son did, basically laying around, not launching, using drugs, taking care of #1, ignoring everything and everybody else. It's painful and ugly to watch.</p><p></p><p>Also, the more they use drugs, the more catching up there is to do, since the maturity process basically stops during drug usage. </p><p></p><p>Today, my son is 26 going on about 19. Maybe.</p><p></p><p>But what to do? Your son is out of the house, which I believe is a good thing for you and for him. He must get out there and do whatever he is going to do and then experience the natural consequences of it all, whatever they are. You sure don't need all of that under your roof and your nose. I don't know about you, but it drove me crazy watching the insanity. I finally could not do it, and I kicked my son out, after giving him so many chances to straighten up. </p><p></p><p>You need to take those vacation days, get a good friend to go with you, and head for the beach. Or to the mountains to a quiet place. Where you can walk, sit outside, read, take naps, write in a journal, have a nice glass of wine about 5 p.m. everyday, meditate, sit by a lake...whatever brings you peace and contentment.</p><p></p><p>Feel your feelings, cry your heart out, and then read Codependent No more, Boundaries, Al-Anon literature like the daily devotional Courage to Change or One Day at a Time. </p><p></p><p>So what if you son blows through his inheritance? it's a waste and a shame, and he could be truly launching with that money, but short of your intervention, there is nothing you can do about it. If there isn't, just accept that it is what it is. </p><p></p><p>Build your life with other good people, good pastimes, good thinking, new hobbies and projects, when you are ready. I know and I understand that you have to process all of this first, your own feelings and strong disappointment, feelings of guilt (you did nothing to cause any of this), shame, helplessness, grief, despair, fear. You have to walk through the grief process. But you will come out on the other side. </p><p></p><p>Be very kind to yourself right now. I used to take a nap every single day during the hardest times. I had to. I couldn't function, I was so exhausted and depleted with my pain and grief. And I had to support myself, so I would work for a few hours, lie down for an hour or two and get up and work again into the evening for more hours. I had to really pace myself. I cried and cried and cried. And then I cried some more. I was terrified about his life and his safety. You have to walk through all of this, and then you will come out on the other side, you really will. </p><p></p><p>And there is a life of peace and joy and contentment on the other side, regardless of what he does or doesn't do. You can find this life. </p><p></p><p>We're here to walk with you. We get it, and we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 664133, member: 17542"] SeaGenie Tx, I'm just so sorry for your loneliness. You've put your energy into him, after losing so many people that you love, and now this. You are completely let down and that is understandable. I'll never forget visiting Difficult Child in jail one time, and waiting in the waiting room to be called to the visiting area, where he and I would talk via screen and a telephone receiver. The woman at the front desk chatted with me a little bit. She said, who are you here to see? I said, My son. She said: How old is he? I said his age, which was 22 or 23. She kind of laughed (not in a bad way) and said, well, you have about three or four years to go. I didn't understand what she meant, and I said: what do you mean? She said: It takes these guys until about 26 or 27 to wake up. There are so many young men doing what your son is doing and what my son did, basically laying around, not launching, using drugs, taking care of #1, ignoring everything and everybody else. It's painful and ugly to watch. Also, the more they use drugs, the more catching up there is to do, since the maturity process basically stops during drug usage. Today, my son is 26 going on about 19. Maybe. But what to do? Your son is out of the house, which I believe is a good thing for you and for him. He must get out there and do whatever he is going to do and then experience the natural consequences of it all, whatever they are. You sure don't need all of that under your roof and your nose. I don't know about you, but it drove me crazy watching the insanity. I finally could not do it, and I kicked my son out, after giving him so many chances to straighten up. You need to take those vacation days, get a good friend to go with you, and head for the beach. Or to the mountains to a quiet place. Where you can walk, sit outside, read, take naps, write in a journal, have a nice glass of wine about 5 p.m. everyday, meditate, sit by a lake...whatever brings you peace and contentment. Feel your feelings, cry your heart out, and then read Codependent No more, Boundaries, Al-Anon literature like the daily devotional Courage to Change or One Day at a Time. So what if you son blows through his inheritance? it's a waste and a shame, and he could be truly launching with that money, but short of your intervention, there is nothing you can do about it. If there isn't, just accept that it is what it is. Build your life with other good people, good pastimes, good thinking, new hobbies and projects, when you are ready. I know and I understand that you have to process all of this first, your own feelings and strong disappointment, feelings of guilt (you did nothing to cause any of this), shame, helplessness, grief, despair, fear. You have to walk through the grief process. But you will come out on the other side. Be very kind to yourself right now. I used to take a nap every single day during the hardest times. I had to. I couldn't function, I was so exhausted and depleted with my pain and grief. And I had to support myself, so I would work for a few hours, lie down for an hour or two and get up and work again into the evening for more hours. I had to really pace myself. I cried and cried and cried. And then I cried some more. I was terrified about his life and his safety. You have to walk through all of this, and then you will come out on the other side, you really will. And there is a life of peace and joy and contentment on the other side, regardless of what he does or doesn't do. You can find this life. We're here to walk with you. We get it, and we care. [/QUOTE]
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