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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 660381" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Copa, one thing I have learned from all that I have gone through with my son is as long as they "believe" they have done nothing wrong, nothing will change for them. My son to this day continues to blame me for everything that has gone wrong in his life. I used to try and explain to him how his choices led him to such chaos and misery but he would always turn it back around on me. He's a master at talking in circles, will leave your head spinning!! I learned to adopt the simple phrases, no more trying to get him to understand, no more trying to defend myself. My standard line is "I'm sorry you feel that way, I hope things work out for you, I love you"</p><p></p><p></p><p>Been there, done that, have the T-shirt.</p><p>Until our Difficult Child our willing to take responsibility for their poor choices they will continue to blame anyone and everyone. My son has been in and out of jail numerous times. It's been a little over a year since he was in last (at least that I'm aware of). Currently he's traveling (I'm guessing hitchhiking) across the west. He posted on FB how a certain state is stupid. It was something like "why do I have to be stuck in #### it's such a stupid state" needless to say, when I read that kind of stuff I do not respond. Seriously, blaming a state???</p><p>You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure them out and quite frankly, I have better things to spend my energy on.</p><p></p><p>Detaching from my son is the only way I have been able to maintain my sanity and health. Right now the only way we communicate is through private messages on FB and I prefer that. I'm able to keep my responses very simple. If I sense that the conversation is heading in a bad direction I tell him, got errands to run, gotta go, love you, bye, then I shut my computer off and go something I enjoy, ok, sometimes I might start cleaning the bathroom <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick Out Tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /> </p><p></p><p>[USER=18456]@okie girl[/USER] and [USER=18958]@Copabanana[/USER] , as others have said, there is no magic to make any of this better. It is what it is. We are all in this together and that my dear friends is good, that we have each other.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 660381, member: 18516"] Copa, one thing I have learned from all that I have gone through with my son is as long as they "believe" they have done nothing wrong, nothing will change for them. My son to this day continues to blame me for everything that has gone wrong in his life. I used to try and explain to him how his choices led him to such chaos and misery but he would always turn it back around on me. He's a master at talking in circles, will leave your head spinning!! I learned to adopt the simple phrases, no more trying to get him to understand, no more trying to defend myself. My standard line is "I'm sorry you feel that way, I hope things work out for you, I love you" Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. Until our Difficult Child our willing to take responsibility for their poor choices they will continue to blame anyone and everyone. My son has been in and out of jail numerous times. It's been a little over a year since he was in last (at least that I'm aware of). Currently he's traveling (I'm guessing hitchhiking) across the west. He posted on FB how a certain state is stupid. It was something like "why do I have to be stuck in #### it's such a stupid state" needless to say, when I read that kind of stuff I do not respond. Seriously, blaming a state??? You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure them out and quite frankly, I have better things to spend my energy on. Detaching from my son is the only way I have been able to maintain my sanity and health. Right now the only way we communicate is through private messages on FB and I prefer that. I'm able to keep my responses very simple. If I sense that the conversation is heading in a bad direction I tell him, got errands to run, gotta go, love you, bye, then I shut my computer off and go something I enjoy, ok, sometimes I might start cleaning the bathroom :p [USER=18456]@okie girl[/USER] and [USER=18958]@Copabanana[/USER] , as others have said, there is no magic to make any of this better. It is what it is. We are all in this together and that my dear friends is good, that we have each other. :group-hug: [/QUOTE]
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