Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Trying to stay strong
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 667264" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Proudmama, welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry you have had to take this step with your daughter, and of course, you are in deep pain.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure about the laws in Canada, but we are glad you are here. This is a place of support and encouragement and ideas.</p><p></p><p>I found with my son that I wasn't going to be the catalyst for his change. If he was going to change, the catalyst was going to come from somewhere or somebody else...other than me. This was a big realization and it gave me some peace.</p><p></p><p>We do everything in the world to try to reach them, and nothing works. Over time, many of us come to see that we have to step back. We have to really accept what is in front of us, and realize we can't make another person---even our 16 year old---do anything they don't want to do. This is a tough thing to accept.</p><p></p><p>And while we are working on acceptance, we have to learn to deal with our feelings. I used to think feelings were everything. Today, I realize that feelings aren't facts. They are real, and I need to acknowledge them and feel them and process them...but not act on them. This is another learned process and takes time and work. I used to lie in bed every afternoon and cry and sleep. Then I would get up and start again. I felt deep grief, as if my son had died. I was terrified that he would die. I had to accept that thought, welcome it in, feel it, process it, and then work to let it go. For a long long time, I would push thoughts like that away, and the feelings that came with those thoughts, because I thought the pain of it all would kill me. But it doesn't kill us, to feel those feelings. It actually helps us come out on the other side.</p><p></p><p>Writing things down is a great tool. I used to sit at the computer and type anything that popped into my head about my son as fast as my fingers could type. It is very carthartic. Once I typed five single-spaced pages and then I printed them out, read them again (sobbing all the while) and then shared them with a trusted friend. After that, I took several steps forward in my own recovery from enabling.</p><p></p><p>This stuff is hard. It requires us to change. For so long, everything we have in us is focused on getting them to change. Once we accept that they will change...or not...when THEY decide to change, and not one minute sooner...then we can turn our energy onto ourselves.</p><p></p><p>We deserve a life. We are worthy. This doesn't mean we don't love them and won't be there for them if and when they decide to get help.</p><p></p><p>It just means we are worth something too. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs this morning. We are here for you. Keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 667264, member: 17542"] Proudmama, welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry you have had to take this step with your daughter, and of course, you are in deep pain. I'm not sure about the laws in Canada, but we are glad you are here. This is a place of support and encouragement and ideas. I found with my son that I wasn't going to be the catalyst for his change. If he was going to change, the catalyst was going to come from somewhere or somebody else...other than me. This was a big realization and it gave me some peace. We do everything in the world to try to reach them, and nothing works. Over time, many of us come to see that we have to step back. We have to really accept what is in front of us, and realize we can't make another person---even our 16 year old---do anything they don't want to do. This is a tough thing to accept. And while we are working on acceptance, we have to learn to deal with our feelings. I used to think feelings were everything. Today, I realize that feelings aren't facts. They are real, and I need to acknowledge them and feel them and process them...but not act on them. This is another learned process and takes time and work. I used to lie in bed every afternoon and cry and sleep. Then I would get up and start again. I felt deep grief, as if my son had died. I was terrified that he would die. I had to accept that thought, welcome it in, feel it, process it, and then work to let it go. For a long long time, I would push thoughts like that away, and the feelings that came with those thoughts, because I thought the pain of it all would kill me. But it doesn't kill us, to feel those feelings. It actually helps us come out on the other side. Writing things down is a great tool. I used to sit at the computer and type anything that popped into my head about my son as fast as my fingers could type. It is very carthartic. Once I typed five single-spaced pages and then I printed them out, read them again (sobbing all the while) and then shared them with a trusted friend. After that, I took several steps forward in my own recovery from enabling. This stuff is hard. It requires us to change. For so long, everything we have in us is focused on getting them to change. Once we accept that they will change...or not...when THEY decide to change, and not one minute sooner...then we can turn our energy onto ourselves. We deserve a life. We are worthy. This doesn't mean we don't love them and won't be there for them if and when they decide to get help. It just means we are worth something too. Warm hugs this morning. We are here for you. Keep posting. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Trying to stay strong
Top