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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 708146" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Copa</p><p></p><p>I agree with everyone's posts. You and M have done everything in your power to help your son. Wanting more for him than he wants for himself. Wishing it won't make it so.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Bluebell on the pot comments. My son too would smoke his brains out when he did have it although already high. Don't get it. It was a gateway drug for him and did keep him from being productive in any way. He was on our couch all day watching TV and playing video games. He barely got through minimal chores that we'd assign. Then he'd do a benzo binge every so often and raise holy hell. Now I look back and think of how naive we were thinking something was going to change. We kept waiting.</p><p></p><p>Your son's life and what you want for him seems to have completely taken over your life and your thought process. You analyze everything over and over and it's painful to watch you do this. It has to be mentally exhausting. I am not saying I do not do this as well but my son is not living near us so it is easier on me. Our mental health does play a role here and it is important.</p><p></p><p>I am not seeing a therapist right now because the one I had seen for six months moved on but I did just make an appointment with someone new that she recommended. I hate to start over and maybe I won't have to but I feel that I am getting weaker. I need to talk to a professional to reinforce my boundaries. I see that my thoughts are slowly creeping to thinking more and more about him and what he is doing. Perhaps that would do you some good also. It really does help to just "hear yourself talk" sometimes. </p><p></p><p>He asked to come home for a visit next week. He has one class and is getting an A and is on spring break. (We paid out of state tuition so that is why only one class). He is working steady. I said no. I feel bad but I am not ready and he is not ready and having him away (we sent him away March 2016) let me really see how traumatized I have been by everything that had gone on. We see him so it's not like we have deserted him. We help him and we communicate. But we're all doing better when we are not on top of each other. I don't want to know his every move. I do know that he is more stable than he has been in five years because he is all alone except for a girlfriend he has met. He still doesn't get how much he has hurt us or maybe he does but won't talk about it.</p><p></p><p>I guess what I'm saying is that he is in his late 20's and it's time that he figure out his own life and that probably means he cannot live near you right now. You have tried and tried and it just does not work. It has gotten better but it is not working for anyone. I know how much you love him, that is evident but he really has to figure out what kind of life he wants to lead.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and we are here for you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 708146, member: 15032"] Copa I agree with everyone's posts. You and M have done everything in your power to help your son. Wanting more for him than he wants for himself. Wishing it won't make it so. I agree with Bluebell on the pot comments. My son too would smoke his brains out when he did have it although already high. Don't get it. It was a gateway drug for him and did keep him from being productive in any way. He was on our couch all day watching TV and playing video games. He barely got through minimal chores that we'd assign. Then he'd do a benzo binge every so often and raise holy hell. Now I look back and think of how naive we were thinking something was going to change. We kept waiting. Your son's life and what you want for him seems to have completely taken over your life and your thought process. You analyze everything over and over and it's painful to watch you do this. It has to be mentally exhausting. I am not saying I do not do this as well but my son is not living near us so it is easier on me. Our mental health does play a role here and it is important. I am not seeing a therapist right now because the one I had seen for six months moved on but I did just make an appointment with someone new that she recommended. I hate to start over and maybe I won't have to but I feel that I am getting weaker. I need to talk to a professional to reinforce my boundaries. I see that my thoughts are slowly creeping to thinking more and more about him and what he is doing. Perhaps that would do you some good also. It really does help to just "hear yourself talk" sometimes. He asked to come home for a visit next week. He has one class and is getting an A and is on spring break. (We paid out of state tuition so that is why only one class). He is working steady. I said no. I feel bad but I am not ready and he is not ready and having him away (we sent him away March 2016) let me really see how traumatized I have been by everything that had gone on. We see him so it's not like we have deserted him. We help him and we communicate. But we're all doing better when we are not on top of each other. I don't want to know his every move. I do know that he is more stable than he has been in five years because he is all alone except for a girlfriend he has met. He still doesn't get how much he has hurt us or maybe he does but won't talk about it. I guess what I'm saying is that he is in his late 20's and it's time that he figure out his own life and that probably means he cannot live near you right now. You have tried and tried and it just does not work. It has gotten better but it is not working for anyone. I know how much you love him, that is evident but he really has to figure out what kind of life he wants to lead. Hugs and we are here for you! [/QUOTE]
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