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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 708149" data-attributes="member: 20054"><p>Oh Copa...here in this painful place once again.</p><p></p><p>This is such familiar territory for me. We have once again started trying to point our son toward resources. We will die, that's a given, and he needs to find other avenues for support. Just these past weeks, we have considered buying a little fixer-upper for him to ensure he would have housing. Mentally, emotionally, this is the hardest for me to bear. Your situation has come to my mind so many times.</p><p></p><p>You are right about the "homeless shelter" and yet even they have rules. It seems your offer was so much easier than any other option. Rules make order of our society and as long as we are members, we must follow some guidelines, should our sons not also be required to follow? Many times, by my actions, I say "no-my son is special" I would not ever say this verbally. To anyone. </p><p></p><p>For me it comes around to this over and over. It is the reason my husband doesn't tell me things at times. It is a trade-off for him---lie by omission or tell me and risk my literal breakdown. A huge burden for him to bear also. So, individually we must find that line. </p><p>I do not think simply withdrawing support makes each one step up and take control of their lives...sometimes people qualify it this way. But if this were true, all young adults from families of less means would just say "there's no help from mom & dad so I'll make something of myself". It doesn't happen that way. I do believe once they are informed of the resources and assisted according to their abilities, we must move out of the way. Your son and mine have been informed and assisted...we are stepping back and letting it play out. I choose and repeat to myself over and over, that this is how I show confidence in their ability and respect of their adulthood. </p><p>I so wish it were easier. Prayers dear Copa.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 708149, member: 20054"] Oh Copa...here in this painful place once again. This is such familiar territory for me. We have once again started trying to point our son toward resources. We will die, that's a given, and he needs to find other avenues for support. Just these past weeks, we have considered buying a little fixer-upper for him to ensure he would have housing. Mentally, emotionally, this is the hardest for me to bear. Your situation has come to my mind so many times. You are right about the "homeless shelter" and yet even they have rules. It seems your offer was so much easier than any other option. Rules make order of our society and as long as we are members, we must follow some guidelines, should our sons not also be required to follow? Many times, by my actions, I say "no-my son is special" I would not ever say this verbally. To anyone. For me it comes around to this over and over. It is the reason my husband doesn't tell me things at times. It is a trade-off for him---lie by omission or tell me and risk my literal breakdown. A huge burden for him to bear also. So, individually we must find that line. I do not think simply withdrawing support makes each one step up and take control of their lives...sometimes people qualify it this way. But if this were true, all young adults from families of less means would just say "there's no help from mom & dad so I'll make something of myself". It doesn't happen that way. I do believe once they are informed of the resources and assisted according to their abilities, we must move out of the way. Your son and mine have been informed and assisted...we are stepping back and letting it play out. I choose and repeat to myself over and over, that this is how I show confidence in their ability and respect of their adulthood. I so wish it were easier. Prayers dear Copa. [/QUOTE]
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