Tweedle dee/dum update of sorts..... mostly ick.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Aug 1, 2010.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    We are scheduled to start visits between kt & wm with Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) staff (I'm not included due to the added non stop competition) this coming Thursday. Saying that, there have been short visits with extended family here a few times this year that have been absolutely wonderful & gave me hopes that there could be a sibling relationship between the two of them.

    My family (dad, sisters, & brother in law) came to town this past Friday. We planned a small birthday party of sort for kt & wm (who haven't celebrated together in 5 years). My sis & I thought it would be nice for the tweedles to finally share a birthday (however belated). When family has been here kt & wm have tolerated each other well & seemed to enjoy each other's company. My family had been very impressed over the past few months & visits.

    This past Friday all heck broke loose between the tweedles. wm became physically, sexually & verbally threatening very quickly. Told kt he deliberately destroyed some of her most treasured items so he could "control her". kt stood her ground even though I instructed her to go to her safe place while I handled wm.

    Let's just say my brother in law had to restrain wm ~ kt needed to be hauled out of the room. It was all so very ugly so quickly. (My dad was just stunned & sat in the living room in tears. He wasn't aware of the level of stress that goes on here in my home. I'm so sorry he had to witness this.)

    We removed wm physically & hauled him out to the car; I drove while wm screamed at the top of his lungs. brother in law did his best & was able to "talk wm down"; redirect him. Dad just sat in the front seat as I drove holding my hand.

    My sisters & niece stayed with kt watching her go dissociative. I was called while driving wm home & I asked that they give kt a prn & use some quiet sensory exercises with her.

    After 90 minutes of driving, I came home to a 6 year old kt, cold pizzas & somewhat stunned family. wm is no longer welcome in my home as he was going for the knives. Miss kt is being watched closely for further signs of regression.

    And I will never attempt this again....period. It's not worth the damage to all our psyche's. The first of the one on one visits are hereby canceled. Again, simply not worth it.

    I'm frightened of my growing, demanding, controlling, verbally & sexually aggressive son. I'm asking the team to immediately bump up the search for an adult facility for him. I can do no more for him. I will not risk it.

    I'm not sure how much more I can do for kt. However, she is far more stable & self aware. We'll see about her.

    Thanks for the shoulder, ear, whatever, ladies. I'm exhausted.
  2. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Linda, what a load you have on your shoulders!

    Sending you a sustaining hug,

    Love, Esther
  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Oh Linda, I'm sorry that what could have been a postive day went so very, very wrong. I know it's hard to have others witness it but I'm glad you had family with you.

    The one thing with it happening like this is that it's makes decision making regarding wm's future very clear, with no room to look back and wonder if you made the right choice. There is no other choice.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What a terrible twist to a family event!!! I am so so sorry that wm chose this occasion to show his ugliest behaviors. My heart aches for you and your family.

    It sounds as though it is NOT safe for either of you to visit wm. Hopefully as an adult he will be in a facility or somehow you can move him across the country/planet so that he cannot come and seek you out. Or seek out kt.

    It had to be a very scary and traumatic time for everyone there. Hopefully your family will be able to talk through this with a therapist or counselor so that they can better process what happened and how/why it happened.

  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Linda,
    I'm so sorry. Sending comforting hugs your way.
  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I"m so sorry that this happened Linda. I too had hope that the Tweedles could have some kind of relationship in the future. I'm sorry your family had to see this too. But....and not that I think they don't get it, but maybe now they can better understand the level of stress and the extent of the issues you are up against.

    I wish there was more I could say but know that I"m thinking of you and sending gentle, soothing hugs.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    That is so sad, Linda. But think on this - you have done so much to help these kids, they have been able to improve so much more because of it. If there are still problems, it is despite your efforts, not because of them.Whoever did this damage to the twins initially, did a very thorough job and will have to answer for it to a higher power.

    As for this - at least it happened in such a definite way, that now you know for sure. It saves you wasting more time and risking more damage, trying to put more in place, It also should stop well-meaning therapists pushing for more contact between the Tweedles. Now you have this vital experience and knowledge, you also have what you need to begin making long-term plans.

    I'm sorry it has happened, but in a way glad it has happened now, and not in two years' time.

  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I guess, if there's a silver lining to be found, it's that you know now. 100%. Completely. I'm so sorry. {{{Hugs}}}
  9. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    Sorry, Linda. I know how much you had hoped that things would work out.

  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Linda, d*mn, d*amn, d*mn. I am so sorry.
    I nearly got tears in my eyes, reading about your dad.
    So, so sad.
    You have done your very best, and continue to do so. You are so strong.
    Many hugs.
  11. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    hugs linda. I cannot even imagine how horrible it must have been. I am sorry it came to this, but glad (and amazed) that you have the strength to make the right decision for you and kt.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Linda...I'm so sorry your day went so far downhill. Many, many hugs for you and kt. Is she still being 6, or have things changed? Poor just shouldn't have to be so hard.
  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Big sigh....

    But, if this was going to happen I'm glad it happened when it did and not when there were only 2 Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) staff workers to intervene.
  14. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Linda, I'm so sorry this happened, but I hope that it clarifies the situation for the team as it has for you.

    Your post reminded me that so many of us have seen and experienced things that just should not happen. Few "outsiders" can understand -- or even believe -- the horror and pain that we have lived through.

    Hugs to you and your dear family.
  15. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Darn Linda. There last few visits had been hopeful and I know you wanted a somewhat healthy adult relationship to begin to grow. I know the last few times they have worked side by side, played basketball together, and behaved appropriately. This incident is a reminder of the damage these kids were done by those who were supposed to protect them. It appears that wm just can't get passed it and kt works at it but hits the occasional wall.

    Love and hugs.

  16. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Marg, you're right - there will be those who will have to face a higher power. The damage done to wm is likely something he will not be able to overcome. kt is still iffy. Marg, I had worked out this plan with staff, tdocs & the like to hopefully give kt & wm a chance to have a somewhat healthy & SAFE adult relationship. There's fears now that kt will need to file restraining orders & such if this isn't attempted. Not just by me.

    kt is doing better this morning tho she's playing with her dolls on the floor in the same room I'm in - even outside the bathroom. She continues to follow me all over. PCA will be in shortly to help me coax out the 16 year old kt. We have a psychiatrist appointment on Wednesday tho I will be contacting him & all staff today.

    Still in my pj's - kt slept fitfully with me last night & I'm struggling to get moving. PCA is at the door; I'll be back to update you & check in on everyone else later (hopefully) in the day.
  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, I am sorry. Hugs to you and your hurting mommy heart.

    So sad.
  18. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Nothing to add to the other family members posts. Just
    another hug. DDD
  19. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Just very gentle soothing hugs...