tweedle dum attacked.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Feb 5, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    wm was attacked by the same student for the 3rd time yesterday. I was asked once again if I wanted to press charges.

    I asked for the director of the program this time around before I made any decisions. I told him that I didn't press charges the last 2 times because I have the same kind of kid who had issues. I asked the last 2 times whether the staff felt if pressing charges would make an impact or not & was told staff didn't feel so.

    However, this time wm had marks about his neck, his arm in a cast & wm not only didn't provoke this kid but was walking away & not aware he was about to be attacked.

    The director said it was my decision but he felt at this point it was time to press charges. So....reluctantly I did.

    As the mom of a difficult child I didn't want to do this. The police were threatening not to come out for 911 calls on this kid if charges were not pressed; the safety of wm & other students are at risk. This might get this child into psychiatric hospital as is needed at this time.

    Ladies, I hated doing this.....I hope this child gets more help. He's already in the system ~ in a day treatment. Privacy issues keep me in the dark about any other issues or services he might have.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    How does wm feel about this kid and charges being pressed?

    ON the one hand, he would understand your reasons, I'm sure, for letting it go in the past. But on the other hand, he is the one who keeps getting hammered and maybe enough is enough.

    Because you made the call, it's not wm's 'fault' that charges were laid. ANd while it's all very well to want to help the other child - your child's needs are paramount.

    I think you did the right thing, all round.

  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know how difficult this must have been but you did the right thing. Wm, difficult child or not, deserves to be safe. I hope the other boy can maybe get the help he needs now. Gentle hugs.
  4. Janna

    Janna New Member


    I have to wonder if the boy was testing, already been down this road twice with wm? If it was the first time ~ I could see. difficult child or not, a lesson needs to be taught, not only to the boy that is doing the attacking (he MUST have a consequence) but also to wm that it's not OK to be hit.

    I understand your concern for the other boy, but you definately did the right thing. Poor wm. I hope he's OK.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    As moms of difficult children, we understand your reluctance to press charges. But I think, after the third time, that you did the right thing.

  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Linda - I'm so sorry to hear about wm!! I hope he's okay.

    It's a gray area at this age, in my humble opinion. At some point the "real" consequences of these behaviors have to start kicking in, regardless of diagnosis. Adulthood isn't that far off - we've talked before about how we hospitalize and therapeutize these kids throughout their childhood and adolescence, but the rules change as they hit older teens/adulthood. In many ways it's unfair, setting them up to expect another hospitalization at age 21 for flipping out over whatever. I don't think that's realistic - no one is going to care at 21 that they're diagnosed with whatever.

    *You* didn't do anything to this difficult child other than ask that he be held to standards which he will be held to in the future. Not unreasonable, nothing to feel guilty for.

    I also think it's especially important for wm to see in action that there are consequences for these behaviors for everyone, and to know that Mom has got his back. ;)

    Hugs, hon.
  7. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    I think you did the right parents of difficult child we tend to be very understanding and accepting of unacceptable behavior....but your child was physically attacked...not once by this child but three times....and left marks and bodily injury. When our kids are violent we always support each other and tell each other that violence is unacceptable and safetly should be our priority and we should not live with fear of physical attack....As you said, perhaps this will help him to get the suppports he seems he may need more than he is currently recieving...

    How did wm respond to all of this?
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Yes, a very hard thing to do. However, you also needed to send the message to wm that he does not have to put up with this. I hear it from my kids sometimes when I don't take something to the next level, "So, it is o.k. for so and so to treat me like that but I am not suppose to behave like that?" My kids send me the message of, "Hey, you are suppose to be protecting ME, not allowing this to happen." Sometimes when we don't address an issue in the next level of discipline, we send messages to other kids that even though it was unacceptable it is o.k. for others to behave like that.

    I hope that kid gets the proper help. Maybe since you are the one involved with the charges, you can ask the authorities to consider the child's mental health needs in whatever decision the courts make?
  9. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I am so sorry Wm was attacked and while walking away to boot! The other parent is lucky that you see both sides of the coin and want this child to get help rather then just out for blood. I hope this doesn't effect Wm too badly.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    How does Wm feel about this? Hope he's doing OK.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, I'm sorry. I can see both sides, too.
    But you know the expression, 3 strikes and you're out. :(
    I, too, hope it will get the child some help.
    And I hope Wm isn't too upset with-you.
  12. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I agree that you did the right thing. WM needs to be protected as does everyone else. They are in this place because they have special needs, all of them.
    Even the boy who came after WM needs help, maybe this will get him the help he needs, if this place is not the right *fit* for him.
    This can be a lesson and tool for all of the kids.
  13. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    I think you've shown some wonderful examples of great adult parent behaviors in action. Wm will remember the way you showed patience and restraint in allowing another child to make mistakes, with the hope that child would appreciate the offer and make better choices. When the other child continued to be aggressive, you showed Wm that you gathered facts from all sides, consulted with a professional, and came to your own rational, reasoned decision. You then took corrective action on his behalf, using the appropriate authorities.

    May we all learn by your example.
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think you did the right thing. I would have let it go the first time and struggled after that with such a decision, as you did, but obviously, something needs to shake this up. Maybe it leads to better supervision, which sounds like the bigger problem to me.
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I absolutely know you did what needed to be done. Whether is was right or wrong is anyones guess with these kids.

    When that boy fractured and broke Dude's jaw in half and we were threatened by the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? That did it for my relationship. I was told if I pressed charges - they would "forget" a thing or two and have Dude also arrested. Since he didn't have any criminal record at that point; we svcked it up and got the surgery and never went back to that place NOR did we recommend it as a safe and helpful place to the Governor of this state when asked. They got a thumbs down as far as handling incidents.

    Sadly - the boy never got charged, but later that same year hit a female and cracked her skull. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) tried to keep it hush-hush but GIRLS talk - A LOT. The boy was charged with assault and sent to Department of Juvenile Justice. While there (I know a guard at Department of Juvenile Justice now) we found out that the boy is actually doing better. He has WAY more structure, is being forced to get his GED, he sees a psychiatrist and has peer pressure for not doing stupid things and he's around no girls. So Maybe this will be a help for this young man who can't keep his hands to himself.

    I'm terribly sorry for tweedle.....Hugs to my cyber nephew...

    On a lighter note - I was thinking about tweedle dee and hope her school is going well. Fingers crossed that she'll be Mom's biggest helper.

  16. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi Linda! We have a rule here - if there's blood or bone involved, we pursue - it it's just "posturing and pushing" we let the school handle it.

    cut and dry, I think you did what was best for everyone involved and possibly for those NOT involved YET!

  17. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm so sorry wm was subjected to this :( I can very well understand your reluctance to file a complaint, but at some point, it's probably the only way the other child will get appropriate help.

    Hope wm is doing better today.
  18. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi Linda--

    You did the right thing. You showed your son that while you have tried to be understanding of this other boy...enough is enough.

  19. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Linda, another vote for You did the right thing.
    Hugs and prayers to you and wm.

  20. Under the circumstances I think you did the right thing, this is a repeated thing and all the kids need to be protected. Hopefully this will lead to this child getting some help.