Twisted - Just twisted.....

[Star*]

Hi Family -

A good chicken having friend of mine said I should share the load. Okay ya wanna hear a bit? I get a call on my phone yesterday, three in a row as a matter of fact. Now keep in mind that Dude had told us he would definitely be home this morning at 4:00 AM to be sure to pick him up at the bus station. So once more we went and got things for him to eat because our diets are different. We made sure things were secure and locked, and when we left? We made sure the house was Ft. Knox. This takes a lot to do with a disabled and slow moving man, 4 dogs and now once again I have food that no one can eat - why? Because once again we get a call that he's NOT coming home. He lost his wallet, can't get on the train without I.D. - Grrrr. "I shouted WHATEVER and that I can't take anymore of his ()(#%&#*(& and before I hung up I heard him say he'd see me around. I swear this is the 4th time he's pulled this.

Things like irresponsible, idiot, 20 years old in 4 months and prison life went through my head. My chest got tight. I found some Benadryl and took it. This is nuts. DF said I needed to get out of the house and we went thrift store shopping. We had fun. Got my mind off of dumb-dumb for a while and came home. The living room that has been his bedroom for months? Is now my living room again. DF made me get boxes and I packed up all of his things. When he comes? That's it.

So Sunday - I decided more shop-therapy was in order. I left and was feeling better - until I got out of the store and checked my phones voice mail. On it there are 2 calls from numbers Dude calls from. The first voice mail is a hang up with scrambling in the background. The second? That one is Dude in a rushed voice and he said "MOMMA - CALL ME OH MOMMA.....I was (pain sound) cutting wood in the back yard (pain sound) and I cut my (expletive) leg (expletive) off and I need your help (pain sound) Momma help.....call.....(panting) me....please Momma." then scrambling (pain sound) and then he hangs up.

I am driving down the road when I checked this. I had to cross three lanes of traffic. I'm shaking, I'm a wreck. I can't figure out how to call the number he called from because my brain is not working. My son is in trouble three states away - possibly bleeding to death, somewhere with a chain saw and a cell phone, and he called me for help and I was selfishly shopping. OMG what a pig I am. OMG how to get this (expletive phone to work) - I know call home - he would have called his Dad. Call home - Nope Dad says CALM DOWN what is wrong. I'm in tears. Dad gives me the number Dude calls from the most because he has no cell phone. I call it. No answer - OMG they must have found him - taken him to the hospital. Why wouldnt someone call me? How could I .......wait - the phone is ringing...it's that number. It has to be the woman he's staying with telling me how he is - will he ever walk again. How will he work? Is he going to live? Oh the probation - what about that? OMG - HELLO? Where is Dude?

Momma? (in a calm voice) It's me. Are you okay? How bad is it? He lAUGHS.......LAUGHS....WT?

He says I just needed you to call me back and I knew if I left you a message like that you'd call me.

Now I'm crying....and I call him an (expletive) jackass. And I turn off my car, and I'm sobbing. This is it. This is like the time the cheese almost slid off my cracker, but not as bad....because I'm not laughing yet. I'm really just up to here with it all. I'm sobbing and calling my son names that would make an old lady drop her teeth. Finally after about 30 seconds I manage to compose myself and he says - "Do you really think if would be out on a beautiful day like this cutting wood?" and I fired back.....
"I have no idea WHAT your dumb butt would be doing you make no sense ANY DAY on ANYTHING you do." then he chuckled and that made me even more angry and he said "Seriously Mom do you think if I cut my leg off with a chain saw my first thought would be to pick up the cell phone and call you for help?" I said yelling into my cell like a crazy woman "WHY NOT YOU CALL ME FOR EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING THAT GOES BAD IN YOUR WORLD WHY NOT THAT?"

With that there was dead silence, except for my sniffling. Then he said "Momma are you crying? Don't cry." I said "YOU ARE A JACKASS." Then he said "I just wanted to know ------" and then just went right into asking what he wanted to know......as if. ME ME ME ME ME. UGH.

Part of me wants to have DF call HIS house and say - MOM was out cutting the lawn and the little Pink Snapper ran over her and cut her in two. She's 1/2 the woman she used to be. Or your Mom was walking downtown and was run over by a Greyhound.........................and two Salukis. Near the dogtrack.

I mean first he sends me a weird text message that says "I'm in a better place now." making me think someone has done him in and ...and then THIS?

I don't think I'm answering the phone at all.

Can anyone tell me what the cheapest way to ship stuff is? I have clothes and a computer - heavy stuff. I want it out of here so he has no reason to tell me he HAS to come back. Like an idiot jerk, dummy Mother I also made him an Easter basket.....I'm going to send that too - if it melts oh well.....

Ask me if I care. Just don't tell me you cut your leg off with a flippin' chain saw. Cause I won't come running with a tourniquet.

 

[DaisyFace]

O Star--

That is awful! Even as I was reading your post, I envisioned Dude in a terrible accident somewhere out in the backwoods G-d knows where....

That is a cruel thing to do to someone--especially your Mom.

O I wish I had the words--but really, I am just speechless.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Oh, Star. How unfreakinbelievably selfish and sick of your difficult child. I have to agree with not answering the phone, period. Heck I might be tempted to change the number. As far as shipping ... I want to say UPS ground might be your best bet, although if it's heavy stuff it won't be "cheap" no matter who you use, I think. Still, it's money well spent if it means he will have no reason to come back.

Hugs to you.

 

[AnnieO]

Honestly? UPS. If you go to a UPS store, they'll help you pack the stuff, too. You don't want to have the computer break, 'cause then he'll want a new one... SIGH.

I know detachment isn't easy, but lemme tell ya - I really look up to you - you do a great job given your circumstances. And I like the idea of packing the Easter basket in with his clothes. If it melts... C'est la vie.

Love ya Starbie. If Onyxx left me a message like this... Well, when I came to visit her in the psychiatric hospital I'd get special permission to blister her butt. Or wash her mouth out with Lava Soap. Or maybe Fast Orange... hee hee.

 

[gcvmom]

You are too kind to even THINK of shipping his garbage. I think I'd be inviting him to a yard sale at your house where you'll be doing some spring cleaning so that your living room is livable again. What a bone head. You're right -- THAT'S IT.

 

[Star*]

O.M.G. he just called me at work to tell me he NEEDS me to "blah blah blah blah blahblah." and can I "yahdda yahdda yhadda." for him and ask Dad if he will "yick yak blah yaddah." Uh huh.....I said "Oh I boxed up your stuff, and I need and address of where to ship it C.O.D. (DF's idea). He said "Uh...I'll get back to you on that." I said "Yeah do that, gotta go." Unreal.

 

[TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow]

(((((((((((((HUGS!!!))))))))))))))

I'm sorry your DS-difficult child is so abusive!!!

Since our daughter-difficult child is currently sue happy, our attorney suggested we get a storage unit rental and load difficult child-daughter's crxd in there... then provide her a copy of a key through a "neutral third party" and give her a written deadline to claim her already abandoned property.

We chose the local police precinct as the "neutral third party". I got a receipt from p.d. for Key, and the paperwork I left for her to pick up (including psychiatric referral papers and a personal note from me. I kept a copy of the key for ourselves and copies of all included documents for ourselves. We explained to the officer at the desk that daughter-difficult child had been tremendously abusive towards us and we were not safe in her presence. We had an officer call her instructing her pick up key, in a sealed envelope with psychiatric referral paperwork, and written notice that whatever was left by her after a certain date we'd consider twice abandoned and discard accordingly.

I made sure to tell her in the note that I love her... well... because I do.
(Oh... how I wish I knew where the "off" switch for love and caring is!)

She picked up most of her crxp. She left behind some small things that she was uninterested in. And she made sure to leave pure garbage behind... 'cause she's awesome like that. I would have called the police if she had chosen to vandalize the unit reserved in my name. Thank God I didn't have to go there.

It is delightfully refreshing to have our home cleared of her crxpola.

Her brother... that's a different story. I've moved difficult child-ds-stuff in the garage... I'm toying with emailing to ask which charity I should donate it to... I'm sure by now it is officially Legally abandoned... It certainly is not worth much!!!! I have to investigate local laws. The local law library has been tremendously helpful... I've found I can call and leave a message about what topic I'm interested in and they'll email me related laws. (Locally the Law library is free resource, they can't interpret the law but they will send whatever laws are applicable to my circumstance. Lawyers are expensive!!!!!!!)

I thank God for daughter-Bio every day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I thank God for the others too... just a little less enthusiastically lately... I'm holding out hope they'll come to their senses... but I won't risk endangering myself or my loved ones until they start to show glimpses of sanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Hang in there Star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DDD]

I'm glad you took a break. There is no explaining mental illness. Even with all the interventions it is apparent that Dude is going to have a hard life. I'm sorry for him. I'm even sorrier that you are in such pain. Hugs. DDD

 

[mstang67chic]

O
M
G


That boy comes near me? His hiney is toast! He won't have ears left after I get done with him between the yelling at him and the boxing of ears. That email you sent me with big donkey and little donkey? You hit the nail on the head with that one for sure.

Hugs. I'm so sorry.

 

[Star*]

Save for present company -

Do you sometimes feel like when you are explaining this SAGA elsewhere that in the far corners of your mind you believe that people think you MUST have been an awful, horrible, mean, despicable, loathsome, uninterested, (I mean insert your own adjective) parent? I'm way way past the point of explaining myself to anyone anymore, but still it creeps in and makes me so bloody angry that my son despite every humanly possible intervention is STILL (laughing to myself) himself, and mentally ill. OMG slaps head .....that doesn't change does it.

So this life is just a perpetual case of rubber band parenting. PULL, PULL, PULL........PUuuuuuuuull........stretch to the limits then.......ZIiiiiing. Whappa! Whooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooo.........kinda like that girl on the tv commercial that gets pulled by the 4 wheeler in the harness and then let go screaming - that's exactly what I feel like as a parent with a difficult child. Whaaaaaapah........whooooooo hoooooo. UGH.

It's so beyond Mr. Toads Wild ride it just ain't funny.

 

[donna723]

I'd pack up his s*** alright! I'd pack it up very, very carefully and then drive it straight to the Goodwill store and donate the whole lot of it!

Star, I'm so sorry.

 

[DammitJanet]

No dang way. No. First the text from beyond the grave. Now this. I would be livid. Beyond livid.

I wouldnt ship the computer, dump it. Ship the clothes when or if you get an address as cheap as you can. Anything else he has left at home is trash. He is obviously doing just fine without a computer now or he is using someone elses.

 

[Hound dog]

Better idea, sell the computer to cover shipping cost. Sell anything of his valuable to cover shipping cost.

Stang can have the boy's ears, this auntie is gonna have her foot hauled so far up his fanny he'll need to chew! *snarl*

I wonder if he left his brain behind at one of the bus stops on the way down there. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that joke to your Mom is waaaaaaaay over the top and not even close to funny.

So sorry Starbie. I'd be enraged if it were me. (in case you couldn't tell) I'd be having trouble not making a nice big toasty bon fire with his stuff. ugh

What is it? The moon? The planets aligning themselves?? What? I'd really like to know........or uh, maybe not.

(((hugs)))

 

[everywoman]

Star---I often wonder if you are really my boyfriend across town and if dude is not really Jana's crazy exbf (the "one") because this is exactly the stuff he would pull on Jana...but it was always true. He did cut his leg with a chainsaw---out in the middle of the woods, he totaled his truck on a back road and ran into the canal and was trapped, he went to TX, moved in with some woman, and wrecked a dirt bike, crushed his leg and was on the way to the hospital (with his new woman driving him)....and each time, he called....not his momma---but Jana...They broke up three years ago----he still calls her whenever something happens----at least it's the truth when he calls....she has stopped answering the phone when he calls.

 

[everywoman]

And as the wife of a man who runs a UPS stores----they are really nice, will find you the best rate possible, and will pack it all for you.

 

[KTMom91]

Wow...a nice big donation to Goodwill sounds just fine to me.

 

[Nomad]

I am so sorry.
I would pack up what you deem to be very important items and send them via UPS to Dude.
The rest, I would find a neutral third party and see if you can make arrangements to take these items to their home and leave them there. Tell Dude he has x number of days to get them or they will go to charity. Perhaps one week, ten days...whatever you and the third party work out. The next day, if they are not picked up, you pick them up and deliver it to charity or make arrangements for the charity to pick them up. Don't worry about it. Don't sweat it. Don't think about. Just do it. Done!
If you want, ask him if he wants you to pack the computer and send it or leave it with the friend. If you send it and it breaks...too bad, so sad. Do NOT buy him a new one. If you leave it with- a friend and he doesn't pick it up...well too bad, so sad...it goes to charity.
Then, I would limit phone conversations with him. No conversations at work or in the car, for example. Only speak with him when it is convenient for you to do so.
Again, I am so sorry.
As a side note, I just re-read part of the book Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children. It was powerful.
As best as you can, shake your emotions out of this. His behavior(s) are completely and totally out of line. You completely and totally need relief. In the end, there is a chance if he feel repercussions for his inappropriate actions cause and effect will sink in. One can only hope. There is no guilt. It is what it is. What choice do you have? I do hope you send him his things with-o it costing you an excessive amount of money. Hold your head up high....let this pain go..give it to your Higher Power. Let HIM deal with it. Let HIM deal with Dude. Move forward my friend.

 

[GoingNorth]

This is so over the top; I'm nearly at a loss for words. This was not a prank meant in fun. He meant to freak you out and to hurt you. in my opinion, Dude has some sort of personality disorder that makes it impossible to take account for his actions and how they impact other people.

Sadly, I don't hold out much for his future with this sort of behavior. The only thing I can suggest is to detach fully. It's time for you and DF to live your own lives as you see fit. You have already gone above and beyond with Dude.

 

[Im a Believer]

I pray today finds you more at peace.

What a difference a day makes.

You think you have heard the worst and then....

WOW!

So sorry to hear you were treated that way.

He will be sorry someday.

{hugs}

 

[Nomad]

I too am thinking about you and do hope you are feeling better.

Even though I feel detachment is imperative, it doesn't mean there is no hope. You can look at it two ways, one is that it will never get better and one way is that it will in time.

You are not in control of Dude. You are not in control of the timing. But you are in control of your thoughts. Think good thoughts that some day, some how, some way....he will see the light and health will be restored in Dude.