Two part Q re holidays

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Nomad, Dec 28, 2015.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    First one is easy
    1) did you receive a lot less Christmas cards this year or even make the decision to send less than in the past or not send them when you have previously? I reduced my list about four years ago, but still send about 25-30.

    2) a friend of mine, not a super close friend, but a friend never the less, has changed her habits this year. We belong in a mutual club together and would meet for lunch perhaps two or three times a year separate from that. We take care of each other's pets while on vacations...however since we visit family very often, I've hired a local college kid to do most of mine because I feel it would be unfair to her since we are out of town more often. Last year and this year she didn't send her usual Xmas card. I've also noticed that I'm always the one who does th lunch inviting. This last year, I only mentioned it once (lunch) saying something like (in a text) "how about we go to lunch next week" and she never wrote back. Consequently, we never went out to lunch for an entire year. I sent her a Xmas card last year and this year. But, never got one as in the past. I also send her a text at Thanksgiving, but she didn't reply. (I was out of town). So, today, I swallowed my pride, called her and asked her if everything was ok and if I accidentally hurt her feelings. I sensed she was a little upset. Nothing big, but "off." She said she was fine and just didn't have time to send cards this year. I didn't have the heart to mention what happened last year (no card last year either). I did casually throw into the conversation that a few of my friends didn't have time to send cards this year, but I got emails and texts from them. I'm going to simply let this go. I don't think I have a choice. My best guess is something is wrong, but it's NOT me. Maybe depression. Who knows. But, I don't thinks it's me. We were not super close, but we were clearly friends and now I'm not really sure. She doesn't hesitate to call me to watch her pet or take in her mail, but that's about it, especially this year. Any thoughts???

    Happy Holidays! :)
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2015
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm on your side on this one. It could be any number of things, and not necessarily even depression. She could be getting squeezed - elder care etc. plus job demands.
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I have backed off over the years on the number of cards I send. I used to send around 150, this year was 67 and that was down 5 from last year.

    As for your friend, it does sound like things are a little off. I think the way you handled it is great. You gave her an opportunity to let you know if you had done something and she said everything is fine, so I agree with you to just let it go.
    Sometimes people have things going on in their lives that they just don't want to talk about.
    The only other thing I can suggest is in a couple of weeks send her a "I'm thinking of you" card and that way you will confirm to her you care.
  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I think it was very thoughtful of you to call. Life seems to be ramping up for a lot of people, so many things to do, so little time. I feel this way, it can be a bit overwhelming with so much going on.
    Perhaps your friend doesn't feel herself, and is not wanting to burden others.
    I think this is a lovely gesture.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    In answer to the first question, we stopped sending Christmas cards years ago when difficult child was in high difficult child mode when he was younger and hospitalized so often and I just couldn't bring myself to send them. I do know that I feel bad because I don't want the people that used to send us cards think me not sending them had anything to do with them. Of course, we don't get many anymore because we don't send them but there are still some that send them every year and while I certainly don't expect them, they really do bring me some Christmas cheer. I think I would like to start a new tradition of sending New Years cards because I have two weeks off at the holidays and could see having some time to sit down, relax and get them sent.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    What a lovely idea!
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  7. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    That is a lovely idea Wiped Out. I had a very bad year with Difficult Child years ago and I think I sent out like five cards to very close relatives only. Didn't worry about it one bit.

    This year some friends had difficulties and sent me an email instead of a card. I've seen that before. I think one sent a text. I think that is a great idea. Much easier. A great alternative when busy, etc. AND I've had a few friends over the years do New Years cards, which might actually be my favorite holiday. This too makes sense. I have a cousin in law who actually does one every Valentine's day. She did it one year that she was too overwhelmed for some reason (instead of a Christmas card) and then liked it so much, she just decided to do it permanently.

    Unfortunately, the holidays often become overwhelming and of course, if you have a difficult child, that probability is much higher.

    I guess in the case of this friend I was surprised it happened two years in a row and she didn't think to send a text or something. Plus, there were the other subtle oddities. Change is never easy and it's also a shame that more likely than not something is troubling her and there is nothing I can do about it, esp. since it's not something she wishes to share with me.
  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    It is okay Nomad, we live in such a fast changing world.
    I have some very dear friends who I have not gotten together with in a while. I love them to pieces, but since I have been battling with my two d cs addiction and drama, then not, the whole ups and downs of it, plus hubs illnesses, I just do not have the chutzpah, to engage.
    I suppose it is a hole that I need to dig myself out of.
    I have spoken over the phone, and texted occasionally, and am grateful that my friends understand. All of this can be so tiring, mentally and physically.

    Then there is just the part where I become guarded about what I share, not because I don't trust folks, I just do not want to rain on their parade, you know?

    I am in an Eeyore phase, with the holidays, don't want to dampen anyone else's spirits....So, I kind of cloister myself.
    It is not unusual for me to need alone time. It is a regrouping, physically, mentally and spiritually speaking. I do not mean to shut people out, just need some vital time to rebuild, after all of the chaos. I do not like to be around people, when I am not feeling myself.....

    This may be the case for your friend, or not? Your response is what matters, you have been kind and loving to call her.
    Sometimes folks just get out of sorts and a gesture of caring and understanding, makes all of the difference in the world.

  9. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I have a friend who does this and I love it :)
  10. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I did receive fewer cards than last year. We're down to a few diehard relatives and good friends. I cut my own list down by half last year just by crossing out the ones who never sent out cards in return. Most of them I keep up with on Facebook anyway. I'm old enough to remember when stamps were 3 cents and my mother sent out hundreds of cards to every relative no matter how distant, every neighbor, every member of the church. It took her days to address them all. But it's gotten so expensive now, people just can't do that any more. But back then, sometimes that annual Christmas card was the only time you connected with some of those people. Now we call, text, or keep up with them on social media.
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I have a couple of friends that only send out e cards now.
    I have a relative that sends out an e-holiday note to all his adult friends and relatives and a few cards with a check in it to the few "kids" in the family.
    And I have a few that when overburdened and don't have time on a particular year, will send an email note or text.
    I think it's nice to have all these choices.
    I suppose holiday cards are becoming a little less popular.
  12. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I've noticed that the ones who send out cards are a lot of the older people I know. The younger ones just don't do it as much. My daughter didn't even send out cards this year but she stays so busy, she hardly has time to breathe. I hate to give it up entirely because it's sort of a tradition but it'sdown to me, a few cousins my age, and an 86 year old cousin of my mom's.
  13. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Kind of related. I saw this on social media from an old acquaintance. We do not exchange cards. Just clever, creative and classy, think. I changed it ever so slightly (very minimally) for anonymity.

    " Started 2016 off at a nice restaurant with my lovely wife. Here is wishing each and all a great, happy and most of all a healthy New Year! Thanks to the many of you who sent cards...we did not get around to it this year due to time constraints, but your beautiful cards were much appreciated."
  14. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I get mostly FB "cards." And we do the same. I think it's true that the older people, who are more used to it, send cards and the younger folks, even in their late 30's, send FB cards or e-cards. Times are changing!