Two weeks later, no job

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by in a daze, Mar 27, 2018.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    We saw our son today. He hadn't shaved, but other than that he looked ok. He's got the money for the rent on April 1st. He has a couple of job leads, but hasn't applied. Still figuring out what he wants to do. Offered to help him in May if he goes to Intensive Outpatient like all the MH professionals are recommending, and if he gets a part time job on the weekends. No, he says, therapy doesn't do any good.

    We mentioned food banks, calling 311 for social service links, a return to a nicer sober living place (adamantly refuses, says they bully him and his mental health will go down the tubes).

    I pointed out to him that he moved out of sober living a year ago and since then, his work performance has gone down since August....two suspensions, then fired this month. Two ER visits and one hospitalization for dangerously high alcohol abuse, and another incident where we suspected he was drinking but we didn't do anything since he has refused treatment every time. He is in complete denial and does not make the connection. He kept arguing about how he was suspended this other time because he was late, I said yes, that was when u were abusing kratom and the sober house had no idea, he said no, that wasn't it, and it just evolved into my memory versus his. Useless.

    I will call the social service agency that he used to be involved with. Maybe they can get him a cheaper place to live and some supports. Maybe he just can't hold down a job, because of his multiple mental health issues, let alone the substance abuse. It's just amazing that he managed to keep the one he lost for four years.I have an appointment with Social Security next week, as they stopped his payments for some reason known only to them. I am just sick and tired of it all, and I've now come to the point that as long as he's fed, clothed, and housed, I'll be content with that. In the meantime, he's not worried, but we, his parents, are on psychotropic medications now. We are managing to hold it together, but it's tough.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Every day I happily go to socialize and mentor at a place called the Clubhouse, a very lively and busy and social place for people who suffer/suffered from mental illness. In general we just have fun with the strong bond of understanding mental illness and also for many substance abuse. Many have been serious addicts.

    It is very open and we are there for one another and the older and more recovered folks by default acquire those who listen to learn. Most members work. Very few dont. Many use services to get jobs and housing.

    The other day my favorite member showed up, a 59 year old man, doing well now, but he had been a drug addict, homeless, a person who let others crash in his apartment when they had nowhere to go....he is an advocate now. He is a nice man doing great. Busy. Has a business, albeit a small one. Rides his bike even in the winter. Doesn't drive but is determined to get where he has to go. Very smart.

    I told him how my heart bleeds for the mentally ill homeless. He agreed but he had a first hand take on it and told me that some people just WILL NOT follow any rulesrrand he has sern it, so they are thrown out of helpful shelters and rehabs ( he got clean in a rehab and, like me, had no family help...he was just motivated to stop the drugs). He is mentally ill. We all are there, some in better shape than others.

    It was his opinion that some people refuse to follow any rules or get help and he feels sorry for them, but also feels it is their own faults. He says although he does feel bad a part of him feels less kind as they have the same chances he had and decide to blow them.

    Sounds a lot like us here, right?

    He never heard of this site, never will. I was surprised that his experiences on the streets of his city and rehab lead him right back to where many of us are (thought wise) here on this forum. This is not a parent. This is an addict with mental health issues who struggles to adult and does it and in the process helps others.

    This is not unusual thinking amongst us who do well. There is a definite mindset that does well and a mindset that doesn't. Most of these clubhouse members do well, mental illness considered, and are getting help willingly. And are productive. And clean of drugs. Case Managers help with those on Disability.

    It is up to us to get better. A serious thought disorder like schizophrenia can hold us back, but anything else, be it drug addiction or depression, can be overcome if we want it to. And those that don't want to, won't. It's a matter of will to get healthy.

    The more I hang with this cool family of mine and see and hear their accomplishments, all of them fighting different mental illnesses, few living with Mom, the more I feel we can all make it but we have to comply with rules and push hard. If we don't it in my opinion is not mental illness but a desire to stay in a bad place that hold us back. Mental illness doesn't stop us from following basic rules except schizophrenia.

    This is my experience and opinion, more strongly than ever. i see people every day who I call friends and family and who overcome depression, anxiety + substance abuse to be independent and working and (shock) most young ones like and speak well of their parents although few live with them.

    I send everybody love and light from the great universe of God. I hope your love one realizes that both mental illness and substance abuse does not doom you. Chronically I'll people work and thrive...people with MS, fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, even cancer. The only person who can doom somebody is that person himself.

    There is no excuse not to try.

    Love and light.
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    Last edited: Mar 27, 2018
  3. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thank you. But I can't make him try. Maybe he will see the light, and maybe he won't. I'm not holding my breath waiting for him to change. He is an introvert and will relate to certain individuals on his own terms. I guess that's ok, although he has disowned many individuals in the extended family. He does not have the wherewithal to delve into his issues in therapy as this means taking a risk, so he says therapy is a waste of time for him.

    At least he takes his medications.

    Whether he can take care of himself is of deep concern to us.
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  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know you are highly worried for him. His thinking seems almost magical. In that *I lost my job but I don't need any help because "poof" it will be okay* sort of way. That seems very scary to me. I wish I had words of wisdom to help.
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  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If therapy and sober living and rehab don't help, what does he say WILL get his life on track, so that he can support himself? Or does he need to see a doctor to get disability?
  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    The struggle lies between our reality and theirs and that is the painful part. I hope there is a gentle nudge that can help out your son in the right direction for support. Such a tough spot to be in.
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    In A Daze:

    Sending hugs and prayers to you. I honestly don't know what advice to offer because you've been doing this a long time and you know what works and doesn't work.

    I hope that he gets into a stable position again soon so you can breath again.

    We get it.
  8. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Already on disability. Has Medicare. Wasn't getting much money because he was working part time. They stopped the payments back in October for some mysterious reason. Then, made him collect and send two years worth of paystubs, even though we had been reporting the income monthly.

    I have an appointment with SS next week.