Tyler joining military - sigh

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by slsh, May 30, 2011.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I'm having visions of Cookie's difficult child floating in my head right now. I know, a serious case of bad attitude, but ... the kid hasn't completed a single thing in his life. Not HS, treatment, employment, nada. You don't mess with- the military - they're not going to take it too kindly if (when?) he flakes out on them.

    He's bounced this off of us a couple of times in the last few years. husband (ex-Navy) has very emphatically stressed to him that this is a commitment that he *cannot* wig out on, that it will be hard, and there are a lot of rules he will have to follow. That old go-around-the-hoop logic isn't going to cut it in the military.

    This may all be for naught - he says he's talked to a recruiter in the past, but not recently. But... he's heading to the recruiting office tomorrow. husband and I are skeptical (or hoping - not sure which) that they will even take him, but we're trying mightily to remain extremely neutral (ulcer #4,539,275).

    If he can buckle down, it would be a great thing for him. But that's a huge "if". Thoughts? Am I just being a Negative Nellie?
  2. mrsammler

    mrsammler Guest

    I did a military enlistment after a period of waywardness from 18-20 and it really "fixed" me. It does work if the conditions are right and the enlistee is really eager to change and willing to do the work and submit to the discipline.

    Does he have a criminal record? That could scuttle his chances. Also, they ask you to tell them, in detail, your history of drug use. If there's no criminal record, my suggestion is that he lie about his drug use--telling the truth will get him rejected and there's no way to check it if there's no criminal/administrative record of it.
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I had a friend with a difficult child, and he enlisted. He was discharged 4 months later for probably something difficult child-ish, not sure, however he learned a ton, and came back a changed person. His parents were amazed. Even if thank you does it for a stint, think of how hard he will have to have work just in those 4 months - probably more than he has in his whole life. I wouldn't worry, but encourage it.
  4. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    You know I went thru this with Danny - twice actually - the first time was excitement of a all expense paid condo in San Diego courtesy of the sales pitch by the government and where visions of him on a nuclear sub with access to some button somewhere was causing me a lot of nightmares. The second time he wasn't so much out in left field and actually asked me to take him to the recruiters office, me, the ultimate in an anti war person :( MMmmmm, absolutely not

    Thankfully he didnt make it in - just the idea of my difficult child with a gun in his hand omg...The boy has never even been able to handle working for someone and following orders for more than a few days -not to mention someone getting in his face

    Course his father thought he had a good chance because (his theory) during the time of war, they lower the standards and recruit difficult children - they put them on the front lines cause they know they are crazy. :( Gee, thanks for that bit of trivia Dad

  5. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Do they ask for medical history? That would probably keep him out.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sue...does he have his GED or HS diploma yet? He has a boatload of diagnosis's too doesnt he? Which branch is he attempting to get into?

    Personally I dont think he has a snowball's chance in hell of getting in if he tells all his history to them and if he doesnt disclose then he will probably get bounced in a few months when they eventually find it out. I wouldnt say a thing though...other than...thank you...you better tell them everything because they will find out. Then it is up to him. I have met some kids when I was around Jamie who were probably mild difficult child's in the making who enlisted to turn themselves around and became really nice guys.
  7. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    difficult child 2 joined the Army. He made it through boot camp (that is one stubborn kid). He got a bunch of stress fractures and failed the specialty training part of their program (artillery) and was discharged. Now he gets his medical care through the VA.

    I used to be terrified that he would end up killing Iraqi civilians in a fit of rage. I think the experience has helped to calm him down. He had been diagnosed mood disorder not otherwise specified when he was a teen.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am not sure what to say. gfgbro joined the army when my parents finally had enough and said he had to go live on what he earned instead of living with them, ruining anything with moving parts when he used/borrowed it, taking tools that were my grandfathers (both sides) and NEVER returning them, being all around abusive, etc.... He honestly believed for more than a decade that he got thrown out of the house because he left some tools out when he wnet to pick up a car part = for all of twenty minutes. In reality, he had been having screaming matches with my parents (him screaming, sometimes my dad bellowing, but usually just gfgbro), ramped his abuse of me up and tore up everything in the house, plus sleeping nude in the family room while watching soft porn - talk about inappropriate!)

    The army did change a lot about him. It also introduced him to German beer, courtesy of 18 mos in Germany. He got very rigid, esp about cleaning and putting things away, but only in areas others saw. There were many times after he came back that he would pay me to clean his bathroom because it was so hideous and mom was on the warpath. I usually needed gloves and a face mask - he was gross in there. I would bleach the walls even. According to my mom, it did not increase his drinking, he drank less because the german beer is so much heavier. In reality, it ramped his alcoholism up HUGELY.

    It may be good for him, but given his diagnosis's, history, etc... and not graduating HS, well, he doesn't have much chance. But there are unethical recruiters out there who will take anyone and then let boot camp weed them out. Or they get weeded when they go for the initial physical and testing to get in to boot camp. That happened to a friend who was joining the Navy. She came back home 2 days later because they refused her because medical issues. Does he realize that he will not only serve his original commitment, but will also be in the "inactive reserves" once his tour is over? back when gfgbro got out it was 5 yrs where they could call you back at any time and you HAD to go for however long they wanted you. He was out a year or so before desert storm or another of the conflicts in that area (I am really bad at military history, sorry) and an horrible recruiter actually called and told me taht he was going to the front lines in a week - and if he didn't show up at the recruiter's office they would charge him and keep him in jail if he survived the front line, possibly for years.

    My father started looking for places to send him because no way was he going to let someone set his child up that way. NOT taht he had a problem wtih gfgbro being called up, but not to be purposely set up to die. I finally reached some muckety muck in the Army and asked if this was true, that someone in the local office was supposed to call my bro up and send him to the front lines - he was a mechanic and a dang good one with several awards for his work while in the service. They were surprised and said that at that time, NO oen in the inactive reserves was called up unless they had super specialized knowledge in an area that was critically short, like trauma docs and nuclear experts. They then asked for the local man's name, and if we haad the date/time of the calls (there were about ten, all abusive and cruel - including one where he described what a machine gun would do in terms that would fit CSI) and if we knew of others he had threatened this way. I asked a few people and called back with some other names. We not only got a formal written apology from the man, he got a dishonorable discharge for these acts of cruelty. I just wanted my bro to be safe, and this guy to leave him alone.

    I really doubt that thank you would follow through, esp if he is told the PT requirements and other things that they ahve to endure. I am sorry that this is worrying you. It is a tough thing to have a child want to do, esp when that child is as against all authority and would likely end up doing something with serious consequences.
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Sorry you have this to worry about but in my humble opinion your difficult child will not make it into the armed forces. I do understand why our difficult child's are drawn to service when nothing else works out for them due to their GFGness. ome have such low self esteem they think they are going to become a hero and people will respect them. Others want a "free ride" not realizing there is no such thing in the military. Whatever your son's reason the only branch of service he might get into is Army. I am told they are less restrictive in their recruiting that the other branches of service. Even so I think it is very iffy. _rm

  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Actuallly unless the Army has lowered standards quite a bit, and I don't think it has, even they probably won't take him given dxes and depending on whether or not he has his diploma/GED. And there is a test he has to pass too. Not to mention the physical.

    At this point, I wouldn't worry to much.

    But there is a slim chance that it may be the thing that works for him, oddly enough. If it did he could use it for education, experience, and to get his feet onto solid ground.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He would have to have either a GED or a Diploma, pass the ASVAB with scores high enough to get him into a position he actually wants to do and pass a background check including physical, criminal and mental health histories. They can waiver some things in...will they? Only they know.
  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Well if he talks to a recruiter hopefully they will give him the real scoop. It is not like it used to be where anyone could get in the military, or they would offer the military as an alternative to jail. My son has wanted to join the military for a long time but has learned that he blew that when he got a felony charge on his record!!! Plus the military is pretty strict about medications, so if he has a long history of mental illness they probably won't take him.

    I know for me a part of me hoped the military would be the answer for my son... and a part of me was really scared that the trauma of war would really send him completely over the edge. Anyone that dream is no longer an option for my son, somewhat to my relief.
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I heard it was difficult to get in with a GED...I think I would feel better if my difficult child went into the military. I would know she has a place to sleep and food in her belly and hopefully learning a lot....
  14. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Thanks, guys. I found my footing (again, LOL) over the weekend. He is going to do what he is going to do and nothing we say is really going to make a difference. We can't prevent a Cookie type scenario any more than Cookie could prevent it.

    thank you is honest to a fault and would probably give recruiter the whole list of drugs he's done over the years. I don't think he's using right now, but who knows.

    He hasn't been on medication since right before he hit 18, has received no therapy or treatment or anything.

    Does have an arrest as a juvie, but it was ?deferred? so long as he stayed out of trouble until he hit 18, which I believe he did.

    No GED or diploma.

    Serenity prayer, and realization that if I could "fix" things, it would've been done about 18 years ago, LOL. Does no good to wring my hands (I seriously need to embroider that on a big old tapestry for my living room wall!!).

    If the military takes him, it's his and their problem. I'm really pretty confident he will be more than forthcoming about his past.

    Thank you again for holding my hand in the midst of yet another moment of panic!
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    As far as I know, they will not take him without a diploma or a GED.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They wont take him without a diploma or GED. GED is just as valid. No issue there.
  17. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Well, according to thank you, Navy wants GED *and* 15 college credits/full year in college. OMG, this kid is just ... about as unmotivated as they come. He's decided to get his GED (not holding breath) and then wait a few years and see what drops in his lap. Insert mother's primal scream here.

    Hmm.... okay thank you. Sigh......

    I'm guess SSI is going to get pulled any day now. I honestly don't know what he is going to do then. I don't know what I'm going to do then.

    Can I just run away - far far away?
  18. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Is he functioning higher than he has been in the past? Or are they pulling SSI due to him turning 18? Couldn't you help him re apply? Or do you want to go there? I ask that because you may be hoping he at least attempts education and work first.

    I guess at least he's considering getting his GED. Following through is another matter.
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    thank you must want to do something special in the Navy...lol. Maybe nuclear subs...lmao. He should get that GED and try the Army.
  20. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Just curious - what is a "cookie" scenario?