Ugh....he quit his job, again

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by wakeupcall, Oct 23, 2014.

  1. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Nineteen with no experience, now why on earth would he get angry with his boss and quit?? Took him months to find a job. I just walk around with my mouth hanging open in disbelief. What does he think?? I don't love my boss either, but I need to work. His father and I are both 64 and we work every single day. I have already cut him off monetarily, but his father hasn't...maybe that's the problem. Wish I was nineteen with NO worries...
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Common with difficult children. They don't like rules and nobody is "the boss of me." It isn't a good trait. I do think father is enabling him from working, however you can't control his father anymore than you can control him. Where does he live? Does he have to pay rent, pay for his cell phone, pay for car insurance, fill up the gas tank? If not, our slow to launch children tend to stay Peter Pan-like. They are not motivated from within so, without any reason to work (such as lack of money, lack of housing, lack of toys, lack of car) they tend to sleep in, do little, and often use drugs.

    I'm sorry that he quit his job, but not really surprised. That is part of a difficult child mindset: "I don't want to work or have to work. Daddy will pay my bills and I can just have fun." They still think of us as daddy and mommy, rather than adults who have their own lives too. They think of us as somebody who has to support them forever. It's sad, really...sad for them and for us.
    This is your golden years. Amazing that you have such a young son. Honestly, it is certainly your own choice, but don't you want to enjoy your golden years without your son's drama?
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Mine just recently got put on unpaid leave pending investigation into sexual harassment that was commited against her? I have no idea how that works considering she was the one who reported them and now she is being told to go home.

    I agree hid dad is helping him out and making it easier to walk away.
  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Oh do I ever sympathize. My 19 year old quit a week and a half ago, he'd been there three weeks, but missed 4 days the last week. Now, he at least had the excuse of the job being really strenuous and he had unknown back issues...but please. I've gone to work when muscle spasms literally put me on the ground. (I went home, but I tried!)

    Is he looking? Nope. Even though I've been in two different places with "now hiring" signs and told him about them and his counselor also told him places to look.

    Yeah. Must be nice. He'll be sorry when the cigarette and gas money he has left from his one paycheck runs out.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It's simple. They don't want to work. It's their back, it's the co-workers, it's too stressful, it's unfair, blah blah blah, it's anything. If they really wanted to work, they'd get right on it immediately. They'd at least try to find a job and they wouldn't stop looking until they found one. Quitting for any reason doesn't mean they can't look very diligently for a more suitable job, if, in fact, they will find ANY job suitable.

    difficult children in general are incredibly lazy and if we don't force the issue quite strongly, they will sleep all day, watch telly, play videogames...sometimes use drugs. They always have lots of energy to hang out, though, whatever that means.

    (sigh) Everyone in this situation has my sympathy.
  6. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I agree with MWM. It seems to be a common trait. They leave jobs with no notice or get fired for various reasons until only the crappiest jobs are available to them. Then they quit because their job is so crappy.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    They are going to get crappy jobs. Most of them screwed up in school, got no training beyond high school or dropped out and have no skills. Yet they don't like getting low level jobs. The obvious solution, going back to school, is as distasteful to them as working is. They are basically a very lazy group of young adults. Most of us have problems at work and deal with them and don't tell off the bosses or walk out the back door when nobody's looking. Why? We have a sense of responsibility. These difficult child's don't plus they absolutely seem unable to accept authority...ever. It is such a self-destructive cycle, but they don't seem to "get it." They'd rather we paid their way. It's a lot easier.

    I don't think they quit because their job is crappy though. I think they quit because they simply don't want to work. Period. And if we pay their way, they will maybe never learn to be responsible for themselves.
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  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Geez, I'm sorry.

    I found it best to not ask why or what in reference to our difficult child's actions and behaviors, it results in crazy making for us because there is generally no sense to be made of it through our own belief system. You are looking at it through your own perspective, which of course, we all do, but when dealing with a difficult child, all of that goes out the window. And you suffer. He is simply doing what he does. As long as you make strong boundaries around your sons behaviors, keep him at a distance, don't give him any money, and don't ask why or what, you will be much better off.

    Good he lives with his Dad.

    Do something kind for yourself. Take care of you now.
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  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Mine worked for 6 hours and quit because he wanted to go to a party that would conflict with his work schedule. The party antics helped him go back to jail for probation violations.
  10. Bertmery

    Bertmery Member

    Yeah, i believe this is what's going on their mind, like "WTH should i listen to you? i'm better than you anyway."
  11. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member difficult child quit his job on Tuesday and has slugged around ever since. His birthday was yesterday so I decided I wasn't spending a ton of money on him if he won't even TRY to keep a job. He got an iTunes gift card and a birthday card from me. On the other hand, his father got him a FLYING LESSON in an airplane!!!!!!! WTH?? Guess who's the star in this game? I'm about to give up. If I were him, I wouldn't work either. No wait....yes I would, just to get away from my parents!!
  12. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You can't control your son nor his Dad. What they do, as they say, is none of your business. Take care of yourself, continue with the no money, continue responding with detachment and let it go. Put the focus on yourself now. The only power you have is in your own response to your sons behavior and it sounds as if you are doing a good job with that.
  13. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    As I posted in another thread....he took the last paycheck and got a tattoo. Then is bummed out because he has no gas money. His father is an idiot. An idiot to continue to pump that boy with money for gas, pay his car insurance, buy him clothes, etc.; glad I'm out of it, though I do worry how this is keeping difficult child from becoming a man. He's still my SON, and I want him to someday be able to care for himself, is that too much to ask?
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It's not unreasonable to wish he would be responsible. But you can't do anything to control him or his father. Time to start taking care of YOU. You have total control over YOU. Nobody else.
  15. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Yep. We all want our kids to become functional adults. I used to tell my kiddo that I wanted him to be happy and productive. I stopped telling him that when I realized he thought I was supposed to make him happy. Which meant I was supposed to give until I bled.