Ugh, how to handle this?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, May 30, 2012.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Just checking Piglet's facebook page and saw that her 14 year old "best friend" got drunk last night. Piglet called her stupid. This 'friend' is definitely a difficult child (although non-violent) and I have tried to minimize Piglet's contact with her. She rarely sees her outside of school even though she lives less than a block from us. I try and keep Piglet busy.

    This 'friend's' mother had children with 4-5 different dads and is currently living with a boyfriend. I think he is the father of the youngest kids.

    The only way to completely cut off contact is to block her on Facebook and her phone. Even then she'll still have access to her unless I ground her to the house. Plus once school starts up again, they'll likely have some classes together.

    This is the 'friend' that stole stuff from another girls house and tried to frame Piglet.

    She also is NOT inviting Piglet to her grad party ~despite inviting many mutual friends ~ because she says her dog hates Piglet and might bite her as it bit another friend last year. (Apparently the dog goes crazy when Piglet walks by walking our dog.)

    Ugh, I wish they'd move!
  2. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    It's really good that piglet realized drinking at 14yo was stupid; sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. If you block facebook and her phone piglet might see it as a punishment then be confused thinking she did something wrong. With my kids I've noticed the more I try to keep them away from someone the more attractive that person becomes.

    Can't help but wonder if the problem with the dog is with piglet or piglet smells like that dog that walks by talking about how "I get to go for a walk and you don't" who knows? I don't speak dog.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    You can't choose P's friends, but you can point her toward other more appropriate kids/families. Duckie knows a few kids that are on the trajectory to be like P's friend. I never say that she can't be friends (forbidden fruit syndrome) but I do point out the potential consequences of their behavior. I do, however, tell her when she cannot spend time at a friend's house due to the parenting situation but I allow the children to come here where they are supervised much better.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm with HA. Limiting time together is good, otherwise don't push it. All that blocking would be punishing Piglet for something she didn't do. Plus, Piglet's going to figure it out... Not being invited, etc. Especially since she already thinks getting drunk is stupid.\

    It IS a good teaching moment about "birds of a feather" though...
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Piglet doesn't seem hurt because the friend assures her that she wants to invite her but mom won't let her lock the dog up cause it'll trash whatever room they lock it in (obviously, a well trained dog, not). I'm just as glad she isn't invited because I doubt the supervision will be the best. Hopefully if is gets crazy, some of the other 'good' kids will wander over here.

    The junior high kept the apart for 7th grade (as that was right after the try-to-frame-Piglet event). I have been trying to impress on Piglet that people will judge her based on who she is with. She is forbidden to go anywhere near a store with this girl.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I am SO glad I am not 14 and wanting to have certain "friends". :sigh:
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    And all the boy drama! oy!
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Sounds like you're handling it just fine. difficult child 1 and I have had many discussions about apprpriate friends and how negative peers reflect on us. This is definitely a teaching moment and as difficult as it is, Piglet will learn the values you're trying to teach. Blocking is not a good thing unless Piglet does it of her own volition. We can only do what we can do to keep them safe and as long as Piglet understands it's not her you're worried about then things will be fine. difficult child 1 has made some wise decisions at times when I point out things he doesn't "see" that I do.
  9. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    My evil side thought have a better party, but the chance you might end up with a bunch of drunk teens from the other party coming to your house snapped me back to reality.

    Maybe the way I use to handle the daddy/daughter dance and plan another fun activity at that time - one year we went to see a stage performance (kid friendly) another year a movie, even visiting friends/relatives you don't get to see as much as want to can be an event; my kids were usually having fun doing something else so didn't feel left out.
  10. keista

    keista New Member

    OR maybe Piglet isn't invited because she thinks drinking is stupid, and the friend will have drinking there. in my opinion you don't have anything to worry about. Sounds like Piglet is being her own person and not being negatively influenced by this friend.
  11. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    ita with keista--she beat me to the punch as i was reading the other replies :)

    thats the actual reason piglet isnt invited.

    sounds to me like this BFFdom has run its natural course....i think i'd also reiterate what a BFF is, you know, there for good and bad times...not just when no one else is around to hang with or pin a felony on.

    i think you are doing just fine---14 year olds change BFF as often as we non-difficult child adults might change our underwear--she'll find her groove with kids she has more in common with.

    i actually *wouldnt* ask her to unfriend her if you think they'll still have some contact....umm, its how you found out this time, right?
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I am not telling Piglet what I found out. She thinks she got rid of the messages (ha! They are archived!)

    This girl is very publicly Piglet's friend. Most of the time she is nice to Piglet and most of her facebook posts on Piglet's wall are how great Piglet is so I don't think she is using her. I just think she is being raised with very different moral guidance.
  13. I agree with Helpangel. I wouldn't block the friend from her Facebook. It sounds like you had a good discussion with Piglet about this and she has her head on straight. The difficult child friend might have been blowing it out of proportion too. Last summer I gave my son a sip of my cooler by the campfire. He later posted on Facebook that he'd been drinking vodka and felt sick to his stomach. Hugely blown out of proportion!

    Another reason I wouldn't block difficult child friend is because it is easier to keep an eye on what is happening with that child and if she is developing more of a friendship with your easy child or not. I prefer to know what is going on.

    Saying a little prayer that they move then you won't have to worry about it anymore!