on youtube

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Feb 5, 2010.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    husband got a new computer and it is in our room. One of the kids got onto it and searched for "naked gay sex" on youtube. None of the vids were clicked on but since I don't know who got in our room, I don't know if they didn't click cause they were grossed out by the pix or if they heard me coming up the stairs.

    I'd bet 95% if was Eeyore as he's been talking about people being lesbians recently (in that awed yet horrified tone of voice) but since he always looks like he is lying, who knows. Definitely going to add this to the list of concerns for therapist.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    We have family members and friends who are gay. We are probably one of the more liberal households in our town. (Downright socialist if you ask my ultra-right wing dad :tongue: )

    Eeyore's making me nervous as he has no filter on what comes out of his mouth and he is so going to offend someone. I did warn my closest friend that we are dealing with this so she won't be shocked, but uggghhhh!!!!!
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Best to put the strictest internet filters on or password protect your machine or it's likely to continue behind your back. difficult child 1 has no impulse control when it comes to this so I've had to put similar restrictions in place. difficult child 2 is mostly interested in bikini-clad girls, but it can easily deteriorate in a matter of seconds with one mouse click.

    When I found out my guys had done this kind of thing, it gave me the same feeling I had when they were two and tried to run out into the middle of the street without looking. Kind of a panicked shock and intense desire to protect them from themselves!
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    We have the computer in our living room password protected. The kids aren't suppose to be in our room but with Kanga out of the home, we are lax on locking things. husband is going to add passwords tonight when he gets home.

    It is exactly that feeling.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Kids can be remarkably skilled in bypassing 'Net nannies. At our local school (elementary) I used to run an after-hours class in one of the classrooms. One day the kids were in the computer room supposed to be working, but when I wandered in there they were showing one another various pics and clips they'd downloaded. Most of these were very inappropriate, but had been accessed on the school's server. I quietly observed, commented that it wasn't what they were supposed to be working on ("so please come back into the room now and we will get on with things") and next school day, I dobbed in this practice and warned the school to tighten up.

    It can be easy to stumble onto the wrong stuff. Some years ago I was researching a character in Greek mythology, Daedalus, when I got a hit very high on the list. I clicked on it and it was a site for foot fetishists! The site was managed responsibly, it had warnings to not click any further if you were easily offended. I actually did (out of perverse curiosity; my chosen research topic had just been mysteriously hijacked, after all) and didn't actually find anything offensive, although the concept of some of it was a bit disturbing.

    When I found difficult child 1 viewing porn, I educated him about the downside of the porn industry. We started by Googling "dead porn stars" and went through some of the ways in which people have died. A lot of them died of AIDS. Others died violently or of drug overdoses. The porn industry especially chews up women and spits them out. While there are going to be some who get in to the business, make money then get out with their health and sanity intact, these appear to be the minority.

    I then emphasised to difficult child 1, that viewing the stuff is encouraging this industry that damages people. To view it is to become part of it and therefore to endorse it and everything that they do.

    Kids in their teens often try to up the ante with regard to shock value. They do it so they can tell their friends about it next day ("guess what I saw online last night!" and bignote themselves in terms of what they have experienced or can handle. You can picture it - kids talking in the playground, one says, "I saw a clip online last night of a man and a woman having sex! You could see EVERYTHING!" and the next kid says, "Oh, that's so ordinary. The 'Net is full of stuff like that. Try Googling 'naked gay sex'!"

    I have a BFF who was very innocent during her marriage, she then led a celibate life for another ten years after her husband left her. She had NO clue. Then I mentioned one day that we'd had a very nasty catalogue stuffed into our letterbox, husband was actually about to take it to the police because it was so rough, and it's illegal here to send this sort of strong sexual material by snail-mail, unsolicited. BFF asked to see it first, she was curious. I warned her, "It IS strong stuff."
    She saw it with a mixture of horrified fascination and disbelief - "people actually BUY this stuff? People actually DO this stuff?" She didn't even think it was anatomically possible, in some cases.

    The other horrifying thing that can so easily happen with kids surfing the 'Net unsupervised (and if they want to do it, they will find a way) is when they can put their name down somewhere or leave a contact somewhere that means your email address suddenly becomes bombarded with spam, especially spam of a nasty sort. husband is "out there" internet-wise, and so one of his email addresses does cop a lot of nasty spam, especially the ones offering women who want to meet a man. He showed me one such email which was basically saying, "Hi, big boy. I enjoyed our time together when you visited my country. Remember when you told me to look you up if I was ever planning on coming for a visit? Well, I've decided I'm on my way and I would love to arrange to meet up with you for some more of what we did that night..." kind of message. Only a lot more graphic, promising transports of delight of the carnal kind.

    It is purely a phishing expedition, but a jealous wife would get a lot of exercise jumping to the wrong conclusion.

    I hate to think how difficult child 3, for example, would react if he opened one of these messages.

  6. Marg's Man

    Marg's Man Member

    Going off topic for a few lines...
    I feel I need to explain. It is part of my WORK to work the dark side of the 'Net, Marg knows this. Even I get shocked occasionally although a rhino is thin skinned compared to me after nearly ten years of researching the less pleasant aspects of the information super sewer (erm highway)

    The assignation? 'She' was a (claimed) postoperative trans-sexual from Russia who claimed to have met me in Moscow while I was visiting there. The only time I've been north of the equator was the trip Marg and I did to Greece in 1990. Meeting this 'girl'? NOT A CHANCE IN Hades.

    I do get a lot of spam at that address, I just logged on for the first time in 16 hours and got 24 messages offering all sorts of 'services' and drugs at discount rates.

    Now back to the topic...
    YouTube (and all the others) require you log on to access the more 'Adult' content. Make sure you have logged off when you leave your computer and the kids cannot access the stuff they have flagged. If you find accidentally inappropriately tagged stuff, Report it! I find it all the time and do so.

    Responsible mobs like YouTube WANT to know. I don't know how many thousands of clips are uploaded daily and they can't vet everything. They CAN (and do) reclassify stuff or delete it but only if they know about it. In most jurisdictions they are legally obliged to block offensive material from that area. eg political satire is banned in China, female nudity is banned in Muslim countries and child porn is banned everywhere.

    You can't truly keep your kids off your computer so treat it like you would if it was publicly available and secure the software as much as you feel is necessary.

    Marg's Man
  7. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    Having been through this with my difficult child I sort of had to chuckle. Don't mean to make light of a serious situation but I am trying to see it from his point of view.

    As you said he has mentioned lesbians, not gay men. My guess is he was looking for lesbian videos and got the other end of the gay spectrum. That in itself would have been shocking and may explain the not clicking into the videos.

    Went looking for tacos and only found burritos...:surprise:

    If you put it into that context it's almost funny. ;)
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I just about spit my coffee when I read that line! Sorry, not to make light of this situation either, as personally, I have very strong feelings against internet porn of any kind.

    I think it's something worth bringing up with the therapist, however, I would warn you not to make too much of it only because at 14, there is a natural curiosity and his looking for something was probably peaked when he heard others talking about it. I think I would try to approach it with more of a 'what is appropriate in our home' type of attitude rather than 'what you did was wrong...'. An opportunity for an informative moralistic lesson rather than from a shocked and punitive perspective. I am not preaching, but I saw my sister handle this all wrong with her now 28 year old son (in rehab) when he was a young teen and he has got some pretty strange ideas about women and sexual relationships - she shamed him to the 9th degree about his natural curiosity rather than explain to him why porn can be a dangerous way to learn about sex. Ugh.

    Good luck~
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yer funny~;)
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Update: Eeyore was only tangentally responsible.

    IT WAS PIGLET!!!!!

    She said that she went on her favorite kids site and then something made her think about Eeyore telling her and her friends that they could search the web for this. So she did. She was totally grossed out - explains the lack of video clicks.

    So Eeyore got a long talk about appropriate boundaries but it likely didn't sink in because he was in his ignore-mom-cause-she-knows-nothing-typical teen mood. Piglet is grounded from our room and the computer for the month. We also had a l....o....n....g talk.

    husband said he doubts she saw much cause he agrees with Marg's Man that she wouldn't have been able to access anything much on youtube.

    It reminded me that when I was 12 I found my biodad's stash of porn and read it with that combination of curiousity and horror.
  11. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    Edited down since my post was no longer relevant. (Typed while previous message posted.)

    I had to cut difficult child off from computer use and text messages. A guy friend was sending naughty pictures he found online. You would be surprised how clear a camera phone can get a snapshot of a magazine or web page.:mad: At this age a little fuzzy is just fine for them. He sees this same friend everday at school, I assure you the friend has porn on his own cell phone to show off out of teachers view. There isn't a thing I can do about that either.

    All of our kids see a lot more porn than we want to admit to ourselves.
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2010
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Something I read about - I think it happened here in Australia, I know it's happened in the US - a kid was sending naked photos of herself to her boyfriend, the girl was about 14. The boyfriend was showing it around the place (so not very respectful of girl who rapidly decided he was ex-boyfriend) and then the boy got hauled in for trafficking in child porn, and having child porn on his phone. I don't think anything was actually done to him except giving him and his mates a thorough scare, that what they were doing constituted just that - child pornography. Because the girls they were getting to sext them, were under-age.

    Various schools here have different rules on mobile phones at school. One school difficult child 3 used to go to, insisted on all phones being held at the school office all day. Kids had to sign in their phones in the morning, collect them when school finished at the end of the day, because there should have been no need for them during the day. But at the high school that difficult child 1 & easy child 2/difficult child 2 went to, the kids had phones on them all the time AND used them in class. easy child 2/difficult child 2's first boyfriend was a kid on the other side of the classroom who texted her during class, asked her to go with him via txt. Just about all communication between them was via text. She never actually got to go OUT anywhere with him; one time they were supposed to meet up at the beach, I just happened to be driving easy child 2/difficult child 2 there (he didn't know that) and when she texted him to find out why he wasn't there, he texted back that he and his mates had got together and were smoking pot and drinking; he was now too high to go anywhere. Nice.
    So she tried to ring him so she could talk about this, over the next week. She kept leaving messages to talk to him, kept trying to ring when he would be at home - and he was (allegedly) never home. So she broke up with him - via text. As I said to her at the time - "Can you pronounce 'LOSER'?"

    Breaking up via text is very bad form. But when you have no other option...

    I do think that teachers should be able to search kids' phones for inappropriate pics, AND take action. I think it would stop a lot of unpleasantness and inappropriate behaviour. Similarly, with computers. Underage girls sending inappropriate pics of themselves via email are causing trouble not only for themselves but for the boys on the receiving end. Also possibly their parents, whose computers the stuff often lands on.

  13. emotionallybankrupt

    emotionallybankrupt New Member

    Yes. When we had this issue with the cell phone and difficult child got caught, it was explained to me that I could be prosecuted for having provided the means for such transmission of child porn. I'm not sure if this was a scare tactic for difficult child's benefit; I don't think anybody was seriously considering prosecuting me. Scary thought, though--and probably technically possible.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    We had issues with easy child/difficult child (heterosexual sites) and difficult child (Anime which included weird stuff). We solved the problem and chalked it up as teen curiosity. The "homo" "gay" accusation seems to be pretty common among young teens and preteens. My personal take on that stage is that some boys fear that they are not "normal" and hurl these words at others as a way to prove to themselves that they are manly. In my experience this stage usually comes about upon the "awakening" of sexual feelings in the youngsters and because they feel confused by their solitary actions they become accusers of others. Frankly I don't think most really understand what it all means.

    Back in the olden days I remember at twelve or thirteen that my best friend (also from a very conservative Catholic family) and I went to the library to look up what some "naughty" words meant. Obviously we couldn't ask our parents, lol!! Instead of the the kids look on the Internet to answer similar questions and concerns.

    Colleen and I had to "confess our sins" the following Friday so we could take communion on Sunday. :redface: We both about died. Evidently the priests were used to hearing such things as we weren't given a hard time about it. My kids felt similar guilt from their porn surfing. Maybe it is just a sign of the times. DDD
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD...I can just see a tween having to go into the confessional and confess in a tiny voice " forgive me father for I have sinned. I went to the library and looked up what ____, ____, and _____ meant. I was so embarrassed."

  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    LOL - I am lucky in a way - I guess.

    After the incident last February with Onyxx and her boyfriend, she has determined that sex is "pointless". I take this pronouncement with a grain of salt... But. She did ask me to take her to get prophylactics because she wanted to have them "just in case". I had wonderful fun explaining the differences in brands, types etc. to a very red-faced child.

    However I digress. Just last night (timely, eh?), she was on MySpace for the first time in well over a month. She was in the family room downstairs, I was in my craft room. Every few minutes I could lean to the right and see what was on the page.

    About 30 seconds after a check like this she started screaming my name. I went flying out there and there was a picture of two men kissing. Tame by a lot of standards. But she was thoroughly grossed out.

    I had forgotten that I had unblocked questionable sites to look something up. So pop-ups appear occasionally. I fixed that right away. But the poor child - it was rather humorous.