Ugh! Therapist Filling difficult child's Head with Wrong Information...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    We have all been frustrated with difficult child's fantasy thinking aout her future: big scholarship money, getting rich, living in a big house and not having to work, etc...

    husband has been getting aggravated with difficult child and finally confronted her on some of this stuff. He told her point blank that with her current diagnoses and medications, she is likely not eligible to join the military, let alone qualify for the prestigious miliatry scholarship. He told difficult child that she'd better make plans to get some kind of a job that will let her support herself when she turns 18 - because we are no longer living with her behaviors at that point. We have had ENOUGH.


    The very helpful Behavior Therapist took difficult child to the admissions department at the local techincal college....and told difficult child she would be eligible for TONS of financial aid the moment she moved out of our house...and wouldn't even have to have a full-time job to go to school! Yay! Isn't it wonderful?


    If difficult child is moving out of our house...but won't have a job - how the heck is that going to work?

    Not to mention the FAFSA will NOT consider difficult child an "Independent Student" just because she turned 18.

    And why is difficult child being taken to fill out college applications while she is failing classes in high school right now???

    So instead of the "Military Scholarship" fantasy - we've just substituted the "Financial Aid, No Effort Necessary, Free Ride" fantasy.

    I'm all for inspiring difficult child to think about her future - but this is just nuts!
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    ugh, so sorry. I can see a well meaning, ignorant person doing that, but they should be running things like that by you so you can give them the low down. They SHOULD know better in the first place, but it seems we have to remind people, in every single situation, over and over, and it is endless. right, how DO they think she is going to live??? On financial assistance??? At this point does she even have the skills to keep a part time job they say she might need??? Lets get down to the basics here, sigh. Yup, a good start would be to get those grades up a little.....

    She should have been told that colleges are businesses, and of course they are going to say it is easy and she can do it and also to try to convince her to sign up so if she does get any aide, they will have a new student to get funds from. It is not a BAD thing, it is just what it is, they need the money to keep the college open so they recruit people with no realistic view of their personal lives.... The staff should have presented it as something to aim for but only under x, y, z circumstances...they should have known better.

    That said, did they know better? I mean maybe she just heard it all that way? Or just is presenting it to you that way so she can say, are wrong. ?? I don't know, it just popped into my head after I wrote the beginning part of my post.

    in any event, sorry for yet another issue.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    That was my first thought, too...

    Unfortunately, after asking the therapist about it - the therapist confirmed that that was EXACTLY what she told difficult child. The therapist thinks this is a GREAT plan for difficult child.

  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    super, a naieve doo doo gooder.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Some idiots think that if a kid moves out and goes to live in an apartment with Joe, Harry and Tom the second they turn 18, then Pell Grant will pay full ride. Doesnt quite work that way or everyone would park junior at the local motel 6. Now some kids who are truly out, out at 18 are eligible but its tough to do that. If they are pregnant or already have kids and families separate from their own parents when they leave, military, foster kids. Things like that the age is different.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Doo doo? Yup, pretty much.

    I'm just shaking my head. I don't understand these people. Feed into the grandiosity... Sheesh.

    by the way - good for your husband!

    ...And unless you've done a LOT of them... FAFSA's are a PITA. Actually... That's probably going to be more work than difficult child wants to do...
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Maybe the therapist needs to help difficult child become a therapist. It sure sounds like the therapist is a difficult child in her own right, so it should work for your difficult child too, right?
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

  9. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    That's too bad. She's really doing her a dis-service by filling her head with these ideas :(
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    What is this therapist thinking?

    I agree that the therapist should not be telling these things to difficult child without clearing it with you first. The only thing the therapist seems to have accomplished with this is to make difficult child even harder to live with because someone, who should know better, has validated her fantasy.

    Did this therapist bother to tell difficult child that some forms of financial aid are contingent upon performance? If she goes to college on the school's dime and fails, she might be out of aid for the next semester.
  11. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Can difficult child/therapist say what exact scholarships are just waiting out there for no effort? (Post them! I'd love to know about those.):rolleyes: Also, have difficult child/therapist do a FAFSA now (for practice) and talk to an admissions person/accommodations office that can explain (at least to idiot therapist) about the not getting the pell grant right away and what will really happen if she tries school with her current grades. In other words ask lots of questions and let difficult child/therapist find out the answers by themselves (because they'll never believe you.):clubbing:
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    DF, if this is thru a county/local agency that uses the typical "evidence based" (and that is there term, certainly not mine),I can tell you why. The whole thing is based on the form where the 'therapist' fills in the blanks for weaknesses, strengths, goals, etc. The kids' goals are used as 'carrots' to dangle. If the kid behaves, they take them out and 'help' them reach their goals. Yep, the concept is wonderfule and simple enough for anyone to get. But it's not always realsitic when dealing with our teen difficult children. They use inexperienced people- inexperienced in a well-rounded way, who are just trained to provide this method of behavior mod. They don't focus too much on having realistic goals, in my humble opinion. They leave it up to the parent to tell the kid.

    And the way I see it, if my son gets himself together enough to have a real chance of going to college, you can bet I'm going to be the one to tour a campus with him. That is a proud moment for a parent and I intend to claim it. LOL!
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I love Liahona's plan.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Liahona has an excellent plan.

    I think that you need to talk to this babytdoc's boss and ask what they are going to do when difficult child is 18, has moved out because she has been assured the $$$$$$$ is going to magically rain down on her, and then is homeless and hungry? Let them know that you are documenting ALL of these things they are PROMISING difficult child will happen, and that you think any rational person would hold them accountable for this. After all, they are the educated tdocs and you are just parents trying to get help for your daughter.

    Maybe call the director of the program, or the director of DHS or whatever and ask that person or the assistant to that person, what they will do when you drop angry/homeless/hungry 18yo difficult child off at his home/office when the money hasn't magically fallen like manna from heaven? After all, they are in charge, they are the ones that are top dog for the program, so the buck stops with them. So if the program is promising this and it doesn't happen, well, what will they do with her?

    You likely won't get much of an answer, but what you do get might be amusing. At least it would entertain ME for a while - esp the image of them trying to explain to difficult child why the $$ didn't fall from the sky.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Lol! Yep--super naive do-do gooder, for sure.
    Sigh. So sorry.
    I guess the do-gooder is thinking that this is a positive affirmation for difficult child ... totally unaware of how her mind works. She must be going by the book she read freshman yr.
  16. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well, this is exactly the problem...

    Neither this behavior therapist nor her supervisor have any long-term commitment to difficult child. They were hired by Idiot Caseworker for a 90 Day Therapy Contract. That's it. They won't even be around long enough to see difficult child turn 17 - much less 18. So all they have to do is demonstrate that they discussed long-term goals and other such things with difficult child - they are absolutely NOT accountable for actually fulfilling the goals.
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This whole agency is about as brilliant as Kanga's Residential Treatment Center (RTC)-gone-difficult child.

    How can you fight idiocy and stupidity? These people are so doggone slippery that you can't pin them no how!
  18. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh you're all gonna love this:

    Last night, I sat down with the therapist and difficult child and spelled out exactly what the FAFSA requires for one to be considered and "Independent Student" vs a "Dependent Student".

    Therapist seemed unfazed. She explained that she and difficult child have been working on difficult child becoming "Emancipated" - and then she will qualify for aid as an "Independent Student".

    And to that end, therapist has been taking difficult child job-hunting. Now keep in mind, we live walking/biking distance from Burger King, Dairy Queen, Subway, Checkers, Waffle House, Huddle House, Bojangles, Sonic, a fish restaurant, a grocery store, a dollar store, and an auto parts store.

    So where did therapist take difficult child to search for a job? You know, the job that is going to "emanicipate" difficult child ?

    All the way across town to some little store I never heard of. OK - great.

    How is difficult child supposed to get herself to and from work?

    I guess the therapist hadn't thought about that part.

    So it looks like difficult child is getting emancipated - as long as her parents drive her to work....

  19. klmno

    klmno Active Member


    I know the feeling. Last year, there was an idea that I would take difficult child to all his required appts and work- never mind that I needed to find work to keep a roof over our heads. I told them that would be fine if difficult child could earn enough to support us.
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Where do you get these people? I was in and out of my parents house at 18. Barely living there. Working full time and had older friends that I stayed with most of the time. I actually applied for college for the fall of 80 and had to use my parents income even though I wasnt living at home. Or said I wasnt. Of course, then I found out I was pregnant and all that went to hell in a hand basket and I dropped out.