Ugh....

[toughlovin]

Hi Everyone,

Well the good news is my son has a job and it seems to be going well and he has worked 3 full days and seems to be taking it seriously. So this is huge. He has been home 2 weeks and he has been pretty cooperative and has been polite and letting us know when he will be home etc. Really pretty good compared to before we kicked him out. So it is hopeful.

Of course we still feel on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He has the day off today. I picked him up from work at 10 last night and he said he wanted to see some friends. I said fine and let him take the car. I basically have been trying to really keep issues to those that affect me.... and not try and control his sleep habits, or curfew etc. At this point that is his thing. Again so far so good.

So he called last night and asked if his friend could sleep here. We said fine. He woke me up to let me know that he is home. (good).

This morning i came downstairs and the family room was left in a bit of a mess. I found a paper folded up carefully and became suspicious. So of course I opened it up and there was some green stuff in it. Looks like pot. Doesn't really smell like pot but man it has been 30 years since I really knew the stuff. Who knows what it is. It smells kind of like a spice but why on earth would they carry around a spice in a packet???

So we flushed it. If it is pot then that is some of his or his friends money down the drain. We are going to wait and see if he says anything about it. Believe it or not I can easily imagine him being upset and mad when he finds out we flushed it!! If he says anything I am going to remind him of our very very clearly stated rule of no drugs in the house period!! He is skating on thin ice on this one.

If he says nothing about it then my husband and I will bring it up with him and remind him again....

I don't want to kick him out on this yet..... because gee he is finally starting to do better...

We shall see how it goes....

 

[toughlovin]

Well amazingly enough i just had a very calm conversation with my son. Amazing that he stayed calm, not so much that I did. LOL..... although sometimes that is amazing too. So he and his friend got up and seemed to be looking for something. I went to get my daughter and he came in and asked if we had found anything of theirs. I said yes. He said is it now contraband? I said it was flushed. I said something else... he said well i respected your rules and left the property to smoke. I said well you still had drugs in the house. He said well I don't see it as that big a deal if we left to do it. I said you left it in the family room and your sister was there when i found it!!! There is to be no drugs in the house. That is enough for us to tell you you can't live here any more. I said I am not going to do that this time but you need to know that. He said ok and walked away.

So it is clear.... and they lost their stash....I am staying calm about it.

I know many of you won't let your kids in the home if they are using at all... and we may get there at some point. We are not there yet..... but i am trying to remain very very clear about the boundaries around our home and around us.

 

[Nancy]

Ugh. This is what I am so afraid of when ghg comes back home from rehab. On one hand it's good that he remained calm but on the other hand if he is using it's only a matter of time until things turn bad.

I have no answers only hugs and I know exactly how you are feeling.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks Nancy. I have this hope that now that he has a job that somehow it will keep him busy, he will meet a nice girl, have some money to take her out on a date and just have things going better for him and so have less of a need to get high.

I know that is probably very unrealistic....but so far he has been working and I think is looking forward to his first paycheck. I guess the key will be what he does with the money!!!

I am having to step back and remember that now that he is home i need to be careful not to enable him. The first several days I would call him just to make sure he was up. I realized it was because I WANT him to keep this job. As my therapist pointed out to me it has to be more important to him than to me. I have to let it go... and if he keeps getting late then he will learn a tough lesson. Man I am finding it very hard to do though.

And yeah time will tell how much and how deep he is into the drug use. If he really is, and he probably is then things will turn bad like you said.

I am just hoping he really surprises me.

I am following what you are going through with your daughter. Hugs back.