SuZir
Well-Known Member
Our respite kids spent whole last week with us and that was long enough time that Boyo's chauvinist attitudes and speech started to harrow. He is 7 years old little boy with aspergers. His dad is not part of his life and he lives with single mother with big sibling group where he is a middle kid. One of siblings is with severe special needs. He visits us with his oldest sister, who is ten and quite bossy (somewhat parentified child.) Mom doesn't currently have a boyfriend and dads of the younger ones were apparently not sexist.
You have to understand that in our society chauvinist attitudes are frowned like using n-word in polite company would be in USA. People may think whatever and utter those thoughts in private, but saying things Boyo is saying is big no-no in public. His aspergers of course gets in the way of him understanding that distinction, but doesn't explain where he gets the ideas.
He is likely trying to partly suck up to hubby and our boys and again his disability and age gets in the way of noticing it doesn't work. I mean, I'm sure my boys are fluent in 'locker room talk' but they also know it doesn't fly outside of locker rooms. Nor do they have any real misogynistic attitudes.
Some of it is likely to be lashing out against his know-it-all big sister. But he aims his sexist talk also against adult women (mum, me, teachers etc.) His dad also comes from very patriarchal culture where status of women is weak, but he has never seen his dad (he left before he was born after scoring citizenship and has sent them couple postcards since.) Nor does he have much contact to his dad's culture.
He likes to tell how women or girls can't do this or that or how boys and men are better in this or that. He got really upset when hubby asked me to count something because math, especially mental arithmetic, is not his strongest suite. Apparently girls do not know math. Birds are his special interest and he had a huge meltdown when his big sister picked up the songs of different birds much quicker than he did when Ache taught them to them. Poor boy is close to tone deft (at least if you go by his singing attempts) so it really wasn't a surprise. But because he sees himself as a smart one in the family and birds are his thing, it was a major upset. And especially when Ache told the big sister how quick she was to learn.
Part of it is clearly competitiveness towards big sister and he really seems to think he is much smarter than her. In reality he is not. In tests he performs above average in some tests and not so well in others, but not in real gifted range in any. Then again Girlie, while not tested, seems to show some patterns of thought and leaps in her thinking that make me suspect she may be in gifted range. He is of course advanced in areas of special interests and Girlie on the other hand is more interested in less academical stuff.
Till now we have corrected his misogynist talk rather gently, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. Hubby wants to have a serious talk with him how people are allowed to speak to his wife, but I fear that would just strengthen Boyo's sexist attitudes.
He is a sweet kid but this is getting irritating.
You have to understand that in our society chauvinist attitudes are frowned like using n-word in polite company would be in USA. People may think whatever and utter those thoughts in private, but saying things Boyo is saying is big no-no in public. His aspergers of course gets in the way of him understanding that distinction, but doesn't explain where he gets the ideas.
He is likely trying to partly suck up to hubby and our boys and again his disability and age gets in the way of noticing it doesn't work. I mean, I'm sure my boys are fluent in 'locker room talk' but they also know it doesn't fly outside of locker rooms. Nor do they have any real misogynistic attitudes.
Some of it is likely to be lashing out against his know-it-all big sister. But he aims his sexist talk also against adult women (mum, me, teachers etc.) His dad also comes from very patriarchal culture where status of women is weak, but he has never seen his dad (he left before he was born after scoring citizenship and has sent them couple postcards since.) Nor does he have much contact to his dad's culture.
He likes to tell how women or girls can't do this or that or how boys and men are better in this or that. He got really upset when hubby asked me to count something because math, especially mental arithmetic, is not his strongest suite. Apparently girls do not know math. Birds are his special interest and he had a huge meltdown when his big sister picked up the songs of different birds much quicker than he did when Ache taught them to them. Poor boy is close to tone deft (at least if you go by his singing attempts) so it really wasn't a surprise. But because he sees himself as a smart one in the family and birds are his thing, it was a major upset. And especially when Ache told the big sister how quick she was to learn.
Part of it is clearly competitiveness towards big sister and he really seems to think he is much smarter than her. In reality he is not. In tests he performs above average in some tests and not so well in others, but not in real gifted range in any. Then again Girlie, while not tested, seems to show some patterns of thought and leaps in her thinking that make me suspect she may be in gifted range. He is of course advanced in areas of special interests and Girlie on the other hand is more interested in less academical stuff.
Till now we have corrected his misogynist talk rather gently, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. Hubby wants to have a serious talk with him how people are allowed to speak to his wife, but I fear that would just strengthen Boyo's sexist attitudes.
He is a sweet kid but this is getting irritating.
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