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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 60922" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi Twisted,</p><p>your dtr sounds much like mine was at that age (she is now 19). She too had her therapist twisted around her little finger and we were trying to do what the therapist told us to do (such as my husband changing his work hours so he could drive her to school since she wouldn't go on time by herself). The more we tried to accomodate her the worse she treated us. We ended up sending her to residential treatment when she was 16 and she did well there but relapsed after coming home. When she was 17 she was basically living on the streets and doing drugs. She was arrested and sent to rehab. When she was 18 she moved out and did a lot of stupid things but now she is 19 and has a job, an apt., is totally financially independent from us and very nice to us.</p><p></p><p>Along the way we depended on the "system"--we filed a PINS on her (person in need of supervision) and she had a probation officer to report to. We documented every violation--staying out past curfew, not going to school, not going to therapy, etc. She had rules to follow and we knew she would not follow them but we had a higher authority to follow through. It took time--many violations before they decided to arrest her and ask the court to send her to rehab. </p><p></p><p>I would say you need some sort of outside help--she does not recognize your parental authority. My dtr didn't care what consequences we gave her--we took everything away from her and she just didn't care--just ran away. Rules meant nothing to her and she lied to everyone too. We had to just keep reporting her violations and let the police and court handle it from there.</p><p></p><p>After rehab she was nearly 18 and she moved out of our house. But, she kept finding ways to get money from us and she would sometimes come and stay for a few weeks. Finally we wised up and really kicked her out and quit providing any sort of help for her. That is when she started making real changes. She is now independent and we have a pleasant relationship. It doesn't matter if she lies to us or not because we have no stake in what she does. The lieing used to bother me tremendously, especially because it impacted what we did for her. I felt used--she would lie to get money from us and when we found out she lied we felt dirty and betrayed. Now when I talk to her she tells me things but I don't really care if they are true or not--it is such a relief! I can take her as the person she presents to me, nothing more, nothing less.</p><p></p><p>HOpe this may have been of some help--</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 60922, member: 3450"] Hi Twisted, your dtr sounds much like mine was at that age (she is now 19). She too had her therapist twisted around her little finger and we were trying to do what the therapist told us to do (such as my husband changing his work hours so he could drive her to school since she wouldn't go on time by herself). The more we tried to accomodate her the worse she treated us. We ended up sending her to residential treatment when she was 16 and she did well there but relapsed after coming home. When she was 17 she was basically living on the streets and doing drugs. She was arrested and sent to rehab. When she was 18 she moved out and did a lot of stupid things but now she is 19 and has a job, an apt., is totally financially independent from us and very nice to us. Along the way we depended on the "system"--we filed a PINS on her (person in need of supervision) and she had a probation officer to report to. We documented every violation--staying out past curfew, not going to school, not going to therapy, etc. She had rules to follow and we knew she would not follow them but we had a higher authority to follow through. It took time--many violations before they decided to arrest her and ask the court to send her to rehab. I would say you need some sort of outside help--she does not recognize your parental authority. My dtr didn't care what consequences we gave her--we took everything away from her and she just didn't care--just ran away. Rules meant nothing to her and she lied to everyone too. We had to just keep reporting her violations and let the police and court handle it from there. After rehab she was nearly 18 and she moved out of our house. But, she kept finding ways to get money from us and she would sometimes come and stay for a few weeks. Finally we wised up and really kicked her out and quit providing any sort of help for her. That is when she started making real changes. She is now independent and we have a pleasant relationship. It doesn't matter if she lies to us or not because we have no stake in what she does. The lieing used to bother me tremendously, especially because it impacted what we did for her. I felt used--she would lie to get money from us and when we found out she lied we felt dirty and betrayed. Now when I talk to her she tells me things but I don't really care if they are true or not--it is such a relief! I can take her as the person she presents to me, nothing more, nothing less. HOpe this may have been of some help-- Jane [/QUOTE]
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