Un-believable!!!

[DaisyFace]

I finally heard back from the state supervisor.

Respite is denied.

Why?

Given difficult child's hx and diagnosis, they feel she is too dangerous to be placed in temporary therapeutic foster care - so they cannot assume the liability for placement services.

BUT -

They are highly recommending that we attend parenting classes - which they will be more than happy to arrange for us.

Thank you and have a nice day.

 

[Bunny]

Parenting classes? What the are parenting classes going to do? And they feel that she is dangerous, but they won't help you with her so that YOU are safe? Fat lot of good they are!

I'm so sorry, Daisy. I wish there was some way that I could help you.

 

[AnnieO]

My jaw is bouncing off the ground.

PARENTING CLASSES?????

PLEASE!

How about they send her to a class entitled "how to be a normal teenager"?! Has a better chance of working, doncha think? (If only about 0.00000000000000000000000000000001%...)

Parenting classes. Oh My !!!

 

[Nikki88]

UGH, I'm so sorry that they are not giving you the services that your family is needing, and suggesting that YOU need a parenting class- WTH!!!

 

[Bunny]

Yet just another example of how people play the "blame the parents" game. If you only knew how to parent properly you would not be in the situation that you are in.

I can't stand that crap. Does it ever occur to some of these "experts" that it might actually be the kid and not the parents?

 

[lovelyboy]

This is just so so sad!!!!!
Just pile up ALL the guilt in the world on the parents!!!!! Yeh right!!!!!!
Ok....give the fantastic parenting lecturers 5 days with a difficult child!!!!!!They will cry, beg and plead for mercy!!!!!

 

[keista]

(((((HUGS)))))

I'm so sorry.

 

[Rabbit]

Sending HUGS Rabbit

 

[buddy]

Bring her to the class with you and ask them to demonstrate!

 

[keista]

Bring her to the class with you and ask them to demonstrate!

 

[InsaneCdn]

Ummm...
Actually, this is a good example of buraurcratic-speak.
No, she isn't too dangerous for therapeutic foster care.


They simply do not have available that level of care.

But they can't say that.


Hmmm... If they can't do "temporary", then how about "permanent"?
Not that you would, but... maybe that isn't even available?
In which case, if you and husband vanished from the scene (car accident, heart attacks, whatever)... what would they do in that case?

 

[DaisyFace]

Ummm...
Actually, this is a good example of buraurcratic-speak.
No, she isn't too dangerous for therapeutic foster care.


They simply do not have available that level of care.

But they can't say that.

Yes - I suspect you are correct about that. Regardless of what it says is "supposed" to be available for families in the program...they just don't actually have it in place.

It is the same sort of BS that I suspect klmno is up against, too.



Oh, and by the way -

Supervisor did want to offer me some good news:

She found a NEW, New Behavior Therapist. I asked if this BT lives in my town. No - she does not. So I asked if she will actually be able to *get* to my town.

Supervisor doesn't know - but she assures me that the woman is eminently qualified.

Sometimes stupid just goes beyond words.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Supervisor doesn't know - but she assures me that the woman is eminently qualified.

First reaction:

Second reaction: Go with it, anyway. Maybe, just maybe, you'll get somebody who will actually SEE what you are dealing with...

We found that all (all?) it takes is ONE person who actually "gets it"... and things CAN go in a different direction.
SO ... maybe. Just maybe.
I'm gonna up the "vibes" for ya.

 

[DaisyFace]

First reaction:

Second reaction: Go with it, anyway. Maybe, just maybe, you'll get somebody who will actually SEE what you are dealing with...

We found that all (all?) it takes is ONE person who actually "gets it"... and things CAN go in a different direction.
SO ... maybe. Just maybe.
I'm gonna up the "vibes" for ya.

Yes - but that person has to be able to actually "get" here in order to be able to work with us. A concept that SEEMS simple enough, but obviously is quite a stumbling block for this state agency.

 

[susiestar]

I am yet again completely flabbergasted, even gobsmacked, by the utter idiocy of these people. How many times are you supposed to take the parenting classes? Exactly HOW will that help a child who is so dangerously disturbed that she cannot even go to respite for a few days? Gee, maybe next they will give you a blank chart and some shiny gold stars. And maybe, if you left supervisor and difficult child alone in a room with the certificates, charts and stickers, then difficult child would shove them up the supervisors, um, well, not her nose, shall we say? a nd then supervisor might MAYBE have a clue about things???

I am so very sorry. there just is no real help out there. I wish I could make it be different for you.

 

[gcvmom]

Wow. Just wow.

 

[klmno]

That's BS and this is when it gets to the point where I really can't bel;eieve they are stupid enough to really believe that themselves. I swear sometimes I think your state agencies must have modeled themselves after the people in the state I'm in.

 

[Wiped Out]

No words-just shaking my head.

 

[Marguerite]

Many years ago I read a somewhat humorous book called "The Art of Coarse Acting" which had some useful advice on how to handle the sort of awkward situations that crop up in amateur theatre. I remember one suggestion, the way to handle things when the director is wanting you to do something really, really stupid and dangerous. You simply turn it back onto them. "I'm not sure what you mean, Richard - perhaps you could come up here on the stage and demonstrate for me how I am to 'ride the blow' when Nigel shoves the broken bottle into my face." According to the book, most such directors usually quickly decide they don't want to do it that way after all.

So if we extrapolate this - I do like the suggestion of taking difficult child along to the parenting course with you and ask for the teacher to demonstrate exactly how you are to implement the strategies they suggest, on this particular child. Or, perhaps better than taking the child - take video. Take your laptop with MP4 footage loaded on already. Wait until the best time to drop your earnest question. Perhaps just after the teacher has fatuously described how we need to learn to affirm our children for every little thing, including not killing us today... raise your hand and say, "Could you please advise us on how to implement this strategy in the following example?" and play your film. In front of everybody. Ask for feedback. From everybody. And remember - the teacher is not the problem, the people who said she was your only help - THEY are the problem. This method should recruit the teacher (and all the classmates, who may suddenly realise just how good they've got it by comparison) to your cause.

If nothing else eventuates, it should feel satisfying...

Marg

 

[Bunny]

She found a NEW, New Behavior Therapist. I asked if this BT lives in my town. No - she does not. So I asked if she will actually be able to *get* to my town.

Supervisor doesn't know - but she assures me that the woman is eminently qualified.

Just out of curiosity, what good does "eminently qualified" do for you is she can't get to your town to work her magic?