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uncertain future on the spectrum
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 60095" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Independence is our ultimate goal, for ALL our kids. And they seem to be pushing themselves towards it also.</p><p></p><p>I look around and feel hopeful. For some time I was afraid for difficult child 1 as he didn't seem to ever be mature enough for a stable relationship. His first girlfriend was wonderful, they were an item for two and a half years, but she matured and he didn't so she moved on. He was devastated and took another two years before we felt safe to ease back on suicide watch.</p><p>Then GF2 - a bright, bubbly uni student who went out with him for one summer, then moved on. Again he was upset, but not so badly this time.</p><p></p><p>Now he has current girlfriend. She also has some issues but they complement each other. She understands him and his needs but he also supports hr with her emotional and physical problems. he has learnt patience and even more compassion.</p><p></p><p>His life skills still need work but he is serious about this girl, and if he is to make a life with her, he needs to be independent. He is trying to fast-track independence and I have to keep hauling him back a bit in some areas, and pushing him in others. Socially, I would put him at about the level of a 15 year old.</p><p></p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 still lives at home but sleeps in her BF2's space, with him. She's an adult - it's her choice. She says they want to move away from us and get an apartment of their own - THAT will make her grow up fast. If their relationship survives that, then I will have some hope for her. She still needs a lot of support in employment and organising herself.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 - will also need a lot of support for some time, but is also making progress. He's better in some ways with organisation. But it's early days for him, he's only 13. Socially - he's about 8 maybe.</p><p></p><p>I have easy child to fall back on, but I'd rather not count on her to step in if husband & I get hit by a bus. I want to see these kids through to independence. As they reach adulthood they are developing friends and connections that will stay with them for years to come. We don't just rely on family - we reach out to others as we slowly improve our skills and understanding.</p><p></p><p>We have a neighbour who, in centuries gone by, would be considered the village idiot. He is actually quite smart but he IS odd. His father used to do a lot of good things for people in the village, but his father died some years ago now. The son, now in his sixties physically, lives alone. People from church and others in the community check up on him; the pharmacist helps him with his medication, others help him with meals. His father taught him a lot about looking after himself especially when he knew he was dying. Although he has a sister, she never visits. He visits her occasionally, but still prefers to live alone.</p><p>He did have a live-in carer for a while, who tried to take advantage of him and get him to sign over the deeds to the house. But as I said, he's not stupid - he went to the church elders and told them. They got the 'carer' arrested.</p><p></p><p>We often see him walking past the house. If he's shaking his head and making strange noises we know to leave him alone, he's simply not able to be talked to. At other times we chat. He has people around who encourage him to drop in for coffee and a chat. He dresses rather oddly but it's his choice. Even in this cold weather, he wears shorts and sandals. Usually bright red shorts with a hot pink shirt - his current favourite "clothes for best".</p><p></p><p>Whatever he ends up dying of, it won't be unhappiness or neglect. He has his hobbies, his skills and his interests. Nobody pushes him around, but he is a gentle soul. A lovely man. I don't know his diagnosis apart from epilepsy, I strongly suspect Asperger's, especially with what I know of his family history and my own experience with him. And it's fairly severe. I suspect his parents were told he was "retarded" and raised him as such, but I think he is a genius, in his own way.</p><p></p><p>Always remember what John Lennon wrote in his song "Beautiful Boy" - "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 60095, member: 1991"] Independence is our ultimate goal, for ALL our kids. And they seem to be pushing themselves towards it also. I look around and feel hopeful. For some time I was afraid for difficult child 1 as he didn't seem to ever be mature enough for a stable relationship. His first girlfriend was wonderful, they were an item for two and a half years, but she matured and he didn't so she moved on. He was devastated and took another two years before we felt safe to ease back on suicide watch. Then GF2 - a bright, bubbly uni student who went out with him for one summer, then moved on. Again he was upset, but not so badly this time. Now he has current girlfriend. She also has some issues but they complement each other. She understands him and his needs but he also supports hr with her emotional and physical problems. he has learnt patience and even more compassion. His life skills still need work but he is serious about this girl, and if he is to make a life with her, he needs to be independent. He is trying to fast-track independence and I have to keep hauling him back a bit in some areas, and pushing him in others. Socially, I would put him at about the level of a 15 year old. easy child 2/difficult child 2 still lives at home but sleeps in her BF2's space, with him. She's an adult - it's her choice. She says they want to move away from us and get an apartment of their own - THAT will make her grow up fast. If their relationship survives that, then I will have some hope for her. She still needs a lot of support in employment and organising herself. difficult child 3 - will also need a lot of support for some time, but is also making progress. He's better in some ways with organisation. But it's early days for him, he's only 13. Socially - he's about 8 maybe. I have easy child to fall back on, but I'd rather not count on her to step in if husband & I get hit by a bus. I want to see these kids through to independence. As they reach adulthood they are developing friends and connections that will stay with them for years to come. We don't just rely on family - we reach out to others as we slowly improve our skills and understanding. We have a neighbour who, in centuries gone by, would be considered the village idiot. He is actually quite smart but he IS odd. His father used to do a lot of good things for people in the village, but his father died some years ago now. The son, now in his sixties physically, lives alone. People from church and others in the community check up on him; the pharmacist helps him with his medication, others help him with meals. His father taught him a lot about looking after himself especially when he knew he was dying. Although he has a sister, she never visits. He visits her occasionally, but still prefers to live alone. He did have a live-in carer for a while, who tried to take advantage of him and get him to sign over the deeds to the house. But as I said, he's not stupid - he went to the church elders and told them. They got the 'carer' arrested. We often see him walking past the house. If he's shaking his head and making strange noises we know to leave him alone, he's simply not able to be talked to. At other times we chat. He has people around who encourage him to drop in for coffee and a chat. He dresses rather oddly but it's his choice. Even in this cold weather, he wears shorts and sandals. Usually bright red shorts with a hot pink shirt - his current favourite "clothes for best". Whatever he ends up dying of, it won't be unhappiness or neglect. He has his hobbies, his skills and his interests. Nobody pushes him around, but he is a gentle soul. A lovely man. I don't know his diagnosis apart from epilepsy, I strongly suspect Asperger's, especially with what I know of his family history and my own experience with him. And it's fairly severe. I suspect his parents were told he was "retarded" and raised him as such, but I think he is a genius, in his own way. Always remember what John Lennon wrote in his song "Beautiful Boy" - "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Marg [/QUOTE]
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