Son is neglecting his anxiety, still in sober living. He says, and I TRULY believe that he does NOT want to be in active addiction, drinking again. He just does NOT have a grip on his anxiety. And is sucking at managing it on his own. He has all the resources, at this finger tips, right now, to do so. Yet, he's NOT utilizing them. Still, no sponsor. He's proven himself over and over, he does NOT have this, on his own. Last week, he confirmed to me, his anxiety is more than he'd been admitting. Said he 'unloaded' all his 'stuff' on his therapist, finally. He seems to not be able to handle much stress at all, at once. If I start talking to him about say, finding a job, and I have some ideas...and I am going on about it for say 2 minutes; all of a sudden he'll say, 'Mom, I have to go...I'm getting stressed out.' And then, he's gone, off the phone. Went for a (food place) job interview last Friday morning (has not heard back). Afterwards said he was 'excited' about it, so made a poor choice and bought & took small amt of dxm (cough syrup-elevates mood, etc). I didn't get the connection, if he was 'excited' why did he need a mood elevator? To me, it sounded like the interview was STRESSFUL to him, hence the need for dxm. (I did not bother to ask.) Same phone call, told me that from now on, he wanted to 'be real and honest with me, to be able to tell me everything'. So, that was why he admitted to me, the dxm. I told him I really appreciated that and that honesty was healthy, after pointing out his poor choice in the dxm. He admitted it was a bad choice, and seemed regretful. Couple nights ago, called me and described his latest (anxiety?) symptoms. Seemed bothered by them, like they consumed his mind when they were present. Some were: skin almost feels 'itchy' inside; canNOT relax sometimes (i.e.. when sitting in room with-roommates watching tv was one example he gave..or during group meetings); said feels often urges to 'stand up or stretch' when in group mtgs; cannot 'relax'; feels urges to bounce one or other leg when sitting still; feels like he wants to crawl out of skin; etc. It seems like he said many times this one: "I just seem to NOT be able to reLAX..." Anyone have opinion on those symptoms? Anxiety? That night, he said 'I think I am going to try Propranolol again, I don't like antidepressants or medications which alter your brain chemicals...but Propranolol doesn't do that.' Ok, that is baffling because he'll smoke weed or take DXM- which totally alters brain chemistry. I recommended that he go to the MD he has access to, as soon as he could get in. He said 'well, I want to 'research' what other similar (to Propranolol) medications I could try, first.' Ugh. Yesterday, he has some fillings done at the dentist. I paid what insurance did not cover. I transferred the $ over to his account, and he was to pay on the spot, the balance. Well, last night, I checked his account to confirm the amount he gave me, make sure he paid it in the office. He paid it, but in actuality, he asked me for $5 more than the bill was for. Smart, huh? Then, the next, and last place he used his card (last night) was at a liquor store. It was barely over $4, but what does it seem he would buy at a liquor store? A Coke? I'm thinking a few of those plastic sample, shot-sized liquor bottles? How does this work, when you're living in a sober living home? Which breathalyzes nightly? You hide it in car and drink it later after breathalyzer is done for that night? OR, the next day, when your body has time to burn up the alcohol before the next breathalyzer? I'm deflated right now. To say the LEAST. I am not going to say anything to him about my findings. No use. Another thing is, is that I feel that insurance is going to cut him off soon, re: IOP. Then, he will have to move on to independent sober living, halfway house. He's not ready to be cut off. But, he's not doing this the right way. He hid his anxiety from all therapists for the past 4 months...until last week. Now, he could be cut off and still no real solution to the anxiety. Which I feel is a HUGE propellant to his using. He also has no job. Still. I feel a little angry. I so suck at the anger thing. What I do feel is numb, blank. And, that this is far from over. Do I ignore his calls for now? I just don't feel like talking to him...yet, he does not know that "I know". So, he will think 'what's up with mom, she never ignores my calls?' I'm always hyper focused on not hurting him. Is my focus wrong, here? I think I know the answer, but need support right now.