unchecked anxiety & relapse


Active Member
Son is neglecting his anxiety, still in sober living.

He says, and I TRULY believe that he does NOT want to be in active addiction, drinking again.

He just does NOT have a grip on his anxiety. And is sucking at managing it on his own.

He has all the resources, at this finger tips, right now, to do so. Yet, he's NOT utilizing them. Still, no sponsor. He's proven himself over and over, he does NOT have this, on his own.

Last week, he confirmed to me, his anxiety is more than he'd been admitting. Said he 'unloaded' all his 'stuff' on his therapist, finally.

He seems to not be able to handle much stress at all, at once. If I start talking to him about say, finding a job, and I have some ideas...and I am going on about it for say 2 minutes; all of a sudden he'll say, 'Mom, I have to go...I'm getting stressed out.' And then, he's gone, off the phone.

Went for a (food place) job interview last Friday morning (has not heard back:(). Afterwards said he was 'excited' about it, so made a poor choice and bought & took small amt of dxm (cough syrup-elevates mood, etc). I didn't get the connection, if he was 'excited' why did he need a mood elevator? To me, it sounded like the interview was STRESSFUL to him, hence the need for dxm. (I did not bother to ask.)

Same phone call, told me that from now on, he wanted to 'be real and honest with me, to be able to tell me everything'. So, that was why he admitted to me, the dxm. I told him I really appreciated that and that honesty was healthy, after pointing out his poor choice in the dxm. He admitted it was a bad choice, and seemed regretful.

Couple nights ago, called me and described his latest (anxiety?) symptoms. Seemed bothered by them, like they consumed his mind when they were present. Some were: skin almost feels 'itchy' inside; canNOT relax sometimes (i.e.. when sitting in room with-roommates watching tv was one example he gave..or during group meetings); said feels often urges to 'stand up or stretch' when in group mtgs; cannot 'relax'; feels urges to bounce one or other leg when sitting still; feels like he wants to crawl out of skin; etc. It seems like he said many times this one: "I just seem to NOT be able to reLAX..."

Anyone have opinion on those symptoms? Anxiety?

That night, he said 'I think I am going to try Propranolol again, I don't like antidepressants or medications which alter your brain chemicals...but Propranolol doesn't do that.'

Ok, that is baffling because he'll smoke weed or take DXM- which totally alters brain chemistry. :cautious:

I recommended that he go to the MD he has access to, as soon as he could get in. He said 'well, I want to 'research' what other similar (to Propranolol) medications I could try, first.' Ugh.

Yesterday, he has some fillings done at the dentist. I paid what insurance did not cover. I transferred the $ over to his account, and he was to pay on the spot, the balance. Well, last night, I checked his account to confirm the amount he gave me, make sure he paid it in the office. He paid it, but in actuality, he asked me for $5 more than the bill was for. Smart, huh?

Then, the next, and last place he used his card (last night) was at a liquor store. It was barely over $4, but what does it seem he would buy at a liquor store? A Coke? :mad: I'm thinking a few of those plastic sample, shot-sized liquor bottles?

How does this work, when you're living in a sober living home? Which breathalyzes nightly? You hide it in car and drink it later after breathalyzer is done for that night? OR, the next day, when your body has time to burn up the alcohol before the next breathalyzer?

I'm deflated right now. To say the LEAST. I am not going to say anything to him about my findings. No use.

Another thing is, is that I feel that insurance is going to cut him off soon, re: IOP. Then, he will have to move on to independent sober living, halfway house. He's not ready to be cut off. But, he's not doing this the right way. He hid his anxiety from all therapists for the past 4 months...until last week. Now, he could be cut off and still no real solution to the anxiety. Which I feel is a HUGE propellant to his using. He also has no job. Still.

I feel a little angry. I so suck at the anger thing. What I do feel is numb, blank. And, that this is far from over.

Do I ignore his calls for now? I just don't feel like talking to him...yet, he does not know that "I know". So, he will think 'what's up with mom, she never ignores my calls?' I'm always hyper focused on not hurting him. Is my focus wrong, here? I think I know the answer, but need support right now. :redface:


Well-Known Member
I have had serious anxiety all my life serious. I wonder if he's just feeling withdrawals...some of his symptoms sound suspicious to me.

Also if you can't handle some stress, you can not survive in this world. THERE ARE GOOD THERAPIES FOR ANXIETY AND IT IS very treatable. Stress won't kill him. I had agoraphobia and got over it. AnxietyAnxiety is easier to treat than addiction. Most addicts have other stuff going on. in my opinion, having had such bad anxiety and panic myself, it should neither cause you to not work or use drugs.
I was too nervous to try drugs or even drink.
He's not nervous about dying but you mention a job and he freaks out? Doesn't make sense to me.

My guess is that maybe he has a little or a lot of anxiety. So what?
You get therapy aimed at that and keep living..or you don't live. I'm guessing that he knows this anxiety causes you to feel soft toward him so he uses it for that reason. And it works.

Millions of people have anxiety
It is the most common and a highly treatable mental illness and it's uncomfortable but it doesnt lead to, say, schizophrenia. I think he's using it for manipulation
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Active Member
No doubt he can be manipulative. But I don't think so in this area.

Remember weeks ago I discovered I had access to all of his recent Google searches? 75% them contained the word 'anxiety'. Yet he was telling nobody about it, including myself. Hiding it. I think he considers anxiety (in a male) to be a 'defect' of sorts. And so is embarrassed by it.

Good point about the possibility of those sensations, restless urges being from withdrawal. He's 4 months in from real heavy using. Wld that still be possible this far out?
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100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

My son has horrible anxiety also and I know that is what led him to drug use. He takes Effexor and says it helps. He has never said anything else helps. But how could he have known if he was using drugs intermittently anyway! We think that is the root of his problems.

I can SO relate to your post.

My son is not using the resources at his IOP wisely either. It makes me very angry.

I do not know what YOU can do for him if he doesn't really want to get to the bottom of it. I agree with SWOT, anxiety is no excuse for drug or alcohol use (for my son or yours) but I do remember my son's first psychiatrist telling me that if you go into a prison, almost every one in there suffers from anxiety and/or depression. That is frightening.

My son has said that his anxiety makes him feel very weak also. I think drug abuse would make ME feel weaker than anything though!

Sometimes I think total openness with our addicts is not always the best way to go. And right now being TOO close to my son emotionally for me is not good for ME. At all.

I have always been super focused on not hurting my son either or letting him know how much he has hurt us. As Darkwing says, that is not good. I'm rethinking all of that now. I no longer am trying to keep him in that bubble.

If you feel you need to take a break from him to regroup - then do it! You need to tell him you are overwhelmed right now. That is what I did and it helped me a lot. I still have no plans to get in cozy with him for now. Not until I see SOMETHING - some of the changes I told him I need to see. I don't think he can work on growing up if I am hovering or he knows we are there to catch him each time. I told him yesterday he is an adult and he'll figure it out. And I wish he would.

This is so hard and I wish I had some answers for you (and myself)! Hugs and stay strong.


Hi, I also have extreme anxiety at times and have turned to alcohol in the past as a way to relieve the feeling. From my own experience of numerous attempts to gain freedom from addiction, and many failures, I can tell you that having 3 or 4 months clean is a tricky place to be. For me, there was a war that waged inside me non-stop between the desire to stay clean and the desire to feel better (to take away the depression and anxiety). This non-stop war is also a cause of anxiety and once I would relapse, the one relief I had was at least one side had won and the turmoil had stopped, for the moment.

Its a terrible place to be. The medication that finally helped me is called Abilify, unfortunately it also makes me gain a lot of weight.

I do not think he bought a soda at that liquor store, but it is possible if it was the only store open nearby. He might also be testing himself as in "okay, I went in the liquor store but didn't buy any alcohol, therefore I am doing okay and have this thing licked" That kind of thinking is really indicative of relapse though. They say "If you hang around a barber shop long enough, you're going to get a haircut"

Anyhow, I'm sorry for your struggling. I am also overly concerned with not hurting my son, always feeling like it might be the last time I see him and how could I live with myself if this or that happened to him. Another form of anxiety really.


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

Forgot to mention that my son had told me in IOP house that the guys knew how to beat the nightly breathalyzer. I think drinking early in the day or something.

Just wonderful news isn't it?


So sorry for your stress.. My son is on two antidepressants for anxiety and panic. The itching he had was detoxing.

In his sober living home they are tested all the time!!!!! Now, he lapsed with pot, but says he's going back Thurs. Therapist told me excellent he didn't use opiates. Can your son get on meltraxone? Alcohol blocker..cannot get drunk.

My son desperately needs cognitive behavior therapy...he has not enough tools to deal with life, us great with people and working, but so not ready to be on own. We believe he will be better at home with proper treatment in place.

But I have paid til end Aug...and this week he is proving himself.

Does your son have someone to talk to there? Staff, therapist, a sponsor might help...but they are not really there for everyday support.

Communication is good.. Yes, my son has gained 50lbs on medications, diet probably not great...but not skin and bones heroine user either. We have a journey...he says he wants this.

I wonder if you son just doesn't know where to turn? They want to be independent... But they can't...they need a team behind d them.
Sending hugs!!


Crazy Cat Lady
Is your son on any psychiatric medications? Or street drugs other than DXM and weed. The symptoms he describes, especially not being able to keep still, and feeling like he's going to crawl out of his skin, are called 'akathesia'. It is a common side effect of antipsychotic drugs and other drugs that affect dopamine, which DXM does. DMX also does a number on seratonin.

He NEEDS to be under the care of a psychiatrist, AND he needs to be under the care of an addictions specialist. Akithesia, if it gets bad enough, can lead to suicide.

I've had it twice from atypical antipsychotics and it is one of the worst side effects I've ever experienced from a medication.

He has to get help for this before it worsens. Meanwhile, Benadryl (Diphenhydramine HCL) dosed 50mg at a time helps with akathesia for a lot of people. It's what doctors most often prescribe for mild cases.


Active Member
Important update since this morning. He relapsed AGAIN last night. Curfew was 9pm. He and 2 other "new" guys to the SL house, all ''supposedly'' went out together. The word is they hit the beach, a house party, were hanging with some girls...and they were all drinking. Way after 9p sometime, the house mgr started calling all 3 and my son was the only one who picked up. Said he sounded 'inebriated'. They got home late, son and 1 of the guys failed the breathalyzer and the 3rd guy refused and said he was 'outta there', he ditched the SL house.

The PHP, stabilization house associated with his sober living place was full so they brought son and the other guy to a different Faith-based PHP. That was early this morning. He will be there for 2wks. I heard all this around 4pm, from his SL therapist-who he's only seen twice. She is sharp as a tack. She has already figured out his problem, and can put it into context that truly makes sense to me. She says it's a mixture of social and generalized anxiety. She told me that from what she knows so far about him, he needs more inpatient to deal with his anxiety. She says until and unless he gets that under control, he won't be able to move forward. She said he acts tough and says he's got it under control, but he DOESN'T. She said she (like I) truly believes he wants sobriety. He just really needs to get the anxiety under control, FIRST.

so made a poor choice and bought & took dxm (cough syrup-elevates mood, etc).
Is your son on any psychiatric medications? Or street drugs other than DXM and weed. The symptoms he describes, especially not being able to keep still, and feeling like he's going to crawl out of his skin, are called 'akathesia'. It is a common side effect of antipsychotic drugs and other drugs that affect dopamine, which DXM does. DMX also does a number on seratonin.
GN - you are very knowledgeable. I do not know what is going on with what he was describing to me. He does not take any prescription medications. I do know he said the restlessness is situational. It seems to occur when he's in the presence of other ppl, and when the setting is that they are all sitting down. In IOP group, is one setting he said, another time it happens is when he's in the tv room watching tv with the other SL guys. He said when he's at other places alone, or like at the gym when he's working out solo...and he sits down in between reps or to rest - the restlessness does not occur. So, could it be the anxiety of sitting in a room with others, when it's quiet? Or, like SWOT said, a symptom of PAW (post acute withdrawal), which can last up to 18 months? OR, perhaps it was akathisia - possibly brought on by some DXM that he took that day but didn't bother to tell me about? It is a psychoactive, and they can cause akathisia, I read. I just don't know. He is an intense person and can sometimes embellish things and at the same time withhold details that would be important to add, helpful for me to know. :cautious:

My son is not using the resources at his IOP wisely either. It makes me very angry.
Does your son have someone to talk to there?
Yes, he's been in recovery since end of March. However, he's not been transparent at ALL with any of the staff regarding the anxiety. From the psychologist to the therapists to the sober living house mgr, staff, etc. He's kept it hidden. In essence, he's wasted the past 4 months of help he's had at his finger tips. At least NOW, he sees that that was a mistake. And, I and his therapist, think now, that he sees he does NOT have this. Does that mean he'll be eager to try a medication? OR, spill out all the beans? No. But, I can hope.

Sometimes I think total openness with our addicts is not always the best way to go.
This is a good point. My husband tells me to not give him my opinions on different things like I do. I know I need to just 'listen' more. But, as moms, we want to "help". So, sometimes, I will chime in with something I might think is causing his situational anxiety...like could it be 'claustrophobia' in the settings noted above? Where he gets the restlessness. Knowing he's 'stuck' there (IOP group) or has to sit still, (with-guys watching tv) causes him to feel trapped maybe. Is what I shared with him. Hub says to not say that stuff as I am not a 'therapist'. He is right.

I have not talked to son. I'm a bit disappointed, that he has literally wasted the 110+ precious days he's had in inpatient, SL, IOP, etc., where he could've been really getting some deep help for his anxiety. But, with each setback, I think they learn 'some thing'. It's usually a long process, that you cannot rush, I hear.

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Crazy Cat Lady
I'm quite knowledgeable on "psychiatric" drugs as I'm a consumer of them. I have bipolar disorder and take medications for it. Over the years, I've taken a variety of medications and had a variety of side effects. I set myself to learning as much as possible about the medications since I will be on psychiatric medications for the rest of my life.

As regards "recreational" drugs, that stems from having volunteered for "Mother Sunshine" back in the seventies, which was a drug hotline. I was recently again exposed to modern drug users and set myself to learning about modern drugs, modern drug users, and modern addicts (not much has changed other than the drugs and the terminology).

I was quite "wild" for several years, and I did come of age in the seventies, but escaped without becoming addicted to anything. I cherish Darkwing Psyduck's presence here on the board, as while I am not happy that he went through addiction and recovery, he provides a perspective that I cannot, and is well spoken and CARES.


Well-Known Member
FYI, Zoloft caused me to have severe akethesia. I couldnt sit still for a minute. I had to take a chip of benzo every hour not to end up in the hospital and it was my son's graduation night from eighth grade. Zoloft is an antidepressant, not an antipsychotic. I never took antipsychotics. But it had the same effect. I literally felt as if I was jumping out of my own skin. It was not anxiety. It was a side effect of a medication that did not agree with me, to say the least!


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

I think a point to mull over here - and I hate to say this, but usually addicts don't get it the first time they are in rehab. I remember when I heard this when my son was in rehab (he was only 15) I was very upset (what do you mean?? now what??) but I figured he'd be different. I also learned for the first time that he had "low self esteem". I was mortified, how could he? He had a great life and a wonderful family. I remember you said you were upset by that also. I think addicts do not have high self esteem. How could they with all they've done to themselves and those that love them.

I think my son WANTS to be sober. Wants to do good. Wants to be successful. Wants us to be proud. He has said all these things to me. But does he really want to do the work? I don't think so.

It's good that your son is back in PHP. I hope you can try to detach more so YOU can be okay. I see my therapist tonight and I so look forward to the appointments. I cry every time I go even though I feel like I won't when I first get there. I guess I need to do that.

Where I am right now with him is that I will not accept that he accepts the person he is right now. He knows I will not accept that he is not working very hard to be the man that we know he can be. I do not call him now. I do not carry my phone around just "in case he calls or texts". We are really letting him do this on his own. This is the first time we have done it this way. Maybe in reality we are just trying another approach? I don't know but I feel a lot better than I have in a long time. I'm not taking responsibility anymore for this. I think I am slowly learning to let go. He knows we love him.


Active Member
I can tell you that having 3 or 4 months clean is a tricky place to be. For me, there was a war that waged inside me non-stop between the desire to stay clean and the desire to feel better (to take away the depression and anxiety).
Karisma - this is very interesting to read, the 3 - 4 month itch. Well, his relapses occurred right in the middle of that.

I think addicts do not have high self esteem. How could they with all they've done to themselves and those that love them.
I never saw low self-esteem in son when he was a teen. He always acted very self-confident, had many friends, was on wrestling team, did football for one season...super handsome - so lots of girl attention. You just never can tell. Maybe his low self-esteem now, at 23, has resulted from the 9yrs of addiction, and so, is from that?

Or, I read that many boys, whose fathers sort of aren't there as they grow up, or abandon them, can grow up to have low self-esteem. Boys need that male bond, from their bio father. I read that if they do not GET that from the father, the boy can then internalize this in a negative (and incorrect) light. "IF my own bio father, who is supposed to love me, does not love me, or find interest in me...I must not matter, I must be a reject, there MUST be something wrong with me...or he WOULD love me." As young boys, they are unable to rationalize and put into proper, truthful context that maybe the father is MIA because HE has serious issues. It's sad!

I have not heard from him, nor have I called the place he's in. Aside from angry, I just am numb right now. It's faith-based, maybe that's a good thing. I don't know what or who his 'higher power' is, as he has said he's agnostic for years now.

I'm angry that he wasted these past 4 months, in residential inpatient setting, IOP setting and sober living with-one-on-one therapist each week, and never brought up his anxiety. Until last week. When, it has been clear to me since seeing his Google searches, that anxiety CONSUMES his days. I suppose better late, than never.

Seems it's clear now, what his anxiety stems from. Social. Unless you're a recluse, social is EVERY DAY. How can one have a history of addiction/alcoholism, self-medicating and unchecked, untreated social anxiety and not relapse over and over and over?

He's an intellect, magnetic and a super funny guy but has a dry sense of humor, which can border on sarcastic. He doesn't find humor or interest in the superficial, usual day to day occurrences, chit chat or jokes one might tell to him. His 'comeback' might be that of total intellect, sarcasm or something philosophical - which many ppl don't identify with, or it's over their head. So, they might not know how to respond or what to say back. And maybe there's awkward silence. Or something. Or, then the result might be that he gets a funny, odd look or a 'what? dude, why would you say that (sarcasm)? The resulting silence, odd look or comeback is what he then will go and ruminate on in his very cerebral mind...and he will personalize it. "Is there something wrong with me, socially? why can't I just fit in...or say 'normal' things?" He tells his therapist (who's the sharp as tack one) that he is not affected by these reactions to his dry wit, sarcasm. But, he IS. He's rationalizing, trying to make light of it. She says she thinks he likes the way he is, but is just not comfortable with how he is different, socially. Yet.

Personalization is also something he does often, which is an unhealthy type of distorted thinking. And it also adds to his anxiety. Because usually most of the time, what he is personalizing, is not actually what transpired. The thinking is distorted. With time, & C B T, he can learn to identify the distortion, see the reality and improve on this.

As a funny note, back when my last child was a baby and I was still breastfeeding/pumping...one night he had 2 friends spend the night. He was in HS. He and the one friend wanted to make milkshakes. So, they whipped some up for the 3 of them, while the 3rd kid was in the room playing video games. Only for the 3rd kids shake, they used my breastmilk. :eek:
And another time, he told me he and some friends were at the mall, and they bought several $1 mice @ the pet store, walked to Victoria's Secret, and let them loose in the back by the fitting rooms. And left.

I needed that giggle.

I don't know, but wonder, is this an Aspie trait, he has? @SomewhereOutThere do you think? You seem well-versed on this. He's also obsessively clean with his hygiene, very organized i.e. his room and things are just right. When he has interest in something, he researches the hell out of it. Back in HS, he was really in to Led Zeppelin and taught himself how to play many of their songs on his guitar. He also knew every fact, tidbit about each member, etc.

I just keep trying to tell myself that this is his journey. He knows he has anxiety, he has the tools at his fingertips to get help. Now, he needs to use them.

Sister's Keeper

Active Member

A few thoughts, and I don't want this to sound mean, but, don't let him use anxiety as an excuse. I am not doubting that he has anxiety, but so do many, many people, and they don't abuse substances.

I think, in a way, he knows that he can manipulate you through use of his anxiety so that you will feel sorry for him, not angry at him, for relapsing, or using your money to buy liquor, which you know he did at the liquor store.

The "skin crawling" thing could be many things from side effects of the DXM to alcohol withdrawal, to anxiety. I wouldn't put much stock in in or it's symptoms.

Recovery isn't supposed to be comfortable or easy. When you are in group or in therapy discussing addiction issues it will be uncomfortable they are discussing difficult things. Part of recovery is learning to deal with strong emotions and feelings without numbing yourself.

Never give an addict money. I get he needed dental work. Talk to the dentist personally and pay personally. Trust me, I have learned this the hard way LOL.

If it were me, I would absolutely confront him about this behavior. About lying about the amount of the dental bill, about using your money to buy alcohol. ...and, yes, they know how to beat the breathalyzer. It is very easy to google how quickly alcohol dissipates from your system and easy to figure out how long a period of time you have to allow between your last drink and the breathalyzer.

Remember, you know an addict is lying when their lips are moving.

I truly believe that they don't want to be addicts, that they are not happy and don't enjoy the life they lead. I also think that even though they are miserable, they don't want to do the work it takes to get sober.


My child was said to have low self esteem since 4....I see now he had anxiety all his life...Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)....but the depression I believe the drugs helped along.

He has to except help for those things or sobriety will be extremely hard.....medication can make him feel so much better.


Active Member
I think, in a way, he knows that he can manipulate you through use of his anxiety so that you will feel sorry for him, not angry at him, for relapsing, or using your money to buy liquor,
Yes, I can see this in the example of him using the DXM and then telling me he did it because he was 'excited about the job interview'. I told him, 'ok, then be excited...but I don't get the DXM use, that was not a good choice.' He admitted 'I know.' :concern:

A few thoughts, and I don't want this to sound mean,
No, not mean. There is a 'helpful' mean and then there's a downright nasty mean. It's not hard to decipher the 2. :playful: I come on here to get real input, not softened down, 'what I think the member wants to hear'. Lol.

I'm not doing this detachment thing well, at ALL. In all seriousness, I am truly sucking at it! :cower:

If it were me, I would absolutely confront him about this behavior. About lying about the amount of the dental bill, about using your money to buy alcohol. ...and, yes, they know how to beat the breathalyzer.
What ticks me off, is the fact that he is in a place, been in several places, for the past 4 months, but has not been unloading his 'stuff'. Now, granted this is his 1st time in rehab. I guess there's a learning curve.

medication can make him feel so much better.
Yes, it certainly can. The night before he relapsed, he mentioned to me that he might get back on the propranolol - which the residential facility gave him at night before bed. Instead of going to the MD the next day, which was available to him, he decided to go and drink with the 2 other fresh new to his sober living house, buddies. Grr.

He cannot take SSRI's. He says they make his mind race. Which, when this SSRI side effect happens, can be a sign of bipolar, I was told. But, his psychologist at the residential facility where he was for 45 days, said he did not see any 'outward' signs of that. Of course who knows if this decision is accurate, as son hides everything, from everybody. Tight-lipped. :concern:

His therapist said he will need to reconsider taking something 'in the interim' while he can come to better grips with his anxiety. Sometimes we need some 'help'...something to take off the anxiety edge...so we can either use C B T, or get some temporary relief from the anxiety before we can get to a 'calmer' place in order to change our distorted ways of thinking.


Well-Known Member
Therapy can change distorted thinking. Medication can make you slow your mind down but your thinking patterns don't change due to medication. CBT is good therapy but requires work. I even had weekly homework. You have to be all in or it won't help. Same as with rehab. Must be all in. Just showing up isn't enough for any change. Motivation matters, not being there because you have to go.


Crazy Cat Lady

Reading about your son doing DXM because he was "excited about a job interview" is concerning. Drugs have become a "go to" response to whatever happens in his life and that is scary.

I came close to becoming an alcoholic right after my husband died in 02. 2 things stopped me. One was realizing that a "beer to help me sleep" had become 4 beers, and the other was the day, driving back from visiting my mother, that I stopped and picked up a six-pack as a "reward" for making the long drive and emotionally surviving the visit.

I quit drinking, other than very occasionally, then. Your son doesn't seem to be dependent on any one drug and as far as I know, DXM isn't physically addictive, but he's DEFINITELY got the addict mindset going full force.

It's a matter of time before he becomes addicted to something.


Active Member
Thank you for these posts ^^^. A friend of mine flew in last night and we are going together, starting this afternoon, to a weekend retreat at a Monk Monastery. The topic is on "Overcoming Fear"! The particular monk that is running this weekend fear program is a veteran & used to be an alcoholic, very interesting man.

I am excited and really need this, as I am full of fears. [emoji17]

I hope that others post here over the weekend while I'm gone.

I will respond to the ones above when I am back in town. The different insight is very interesting & helpful.

I'm trying to stay strong and telling myself that it's OK if I do not contact my son or the facility where he is, to inquire about him.

I am angry at him but my anger needs to get to a higher level. [emoji17]

If he calls me I am going to do as SH recommended. And tell him I am angry that he misled (by $5) me regarding the dental bill, then used MY $ for the alcohol, and a few other things that I am ticked about.

Have a great weekend everyone.
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Crazy Cat Lady
Rebelson, it would probably be for the best if you do not contact your son for a bit. Let him do his work and you do yours.

Though I am not religious, I think the monastic retreat is a great idea. I hope you come back refreshed and with new tools.