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unchecked anxiety & relapse
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 695328" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>Karisma - this is very interesting to read, the 3 - 4 month itch. Well, his relapses occurred right in the middle of that.</p><p></p><p>I never saw low self-esteem in son when he was a teen. He always acted very self-confident, had many friends, was on wrestling team, did football for one season...super handsome - so lots of girl attention. You just never can tell. Maybe his low self-esteem now, at 23, has resulted from the <em>9yrs of addiction</em>, and so, is from <em>that</em>? </p><p></p><p>Or, I read that many boys, whose fathers sort of aren't there as they grow up, or abandon them, can grow up to have low self-esteem. Boys need that male bond, from their bio father. I read that if they do not GET that from the father, the boy can then internalize this in a negative (and incorrect) light. "IF my own bio father, who is supposed to love me, does not love me, or find interest in me...I must not matter, I must be a reject, there MUST be something wrong with me...or he WOULD love me." As young boys, they are unable to rationalize and put into proper, truthful context that maybe the father is MIA because HE has serious issues. It's sad! </p><p></p><p>I have not heard from him, nor have I called the place he's in. Aside from angry, I just am numb right now. It's faith-based, maybe that's a good thing. I don't know what or who his 'higher power' is, as he has said he's agnostic for years now.</p><p></p><p>I'm angry that he wasted these past 4 months, in residential inpatient setting, IOP setting and sober living with-one-on-one therapist each week, and never brought up his anxiety. Until last week. When, it has been clear to me since seeing his Google searches, that anxiety CONSUMES his days. I suppose better late, than never.</p><p></p><p>Seems it's clear now, what his anxiety stems from. Social. Unless you're a recluse, social is EVERY DAY. How can one have a history of addiction/alcoholism, self-medicating<em><strong> and</strong></em> unchecked, untreated social anxiety and not relapse over and over and over?</p><p></p><p>He's an intellect, magnetic and a super funny guy but has a dry sense of humor, which can border on sarcastic. He doesn't find humor or interest in the superficial, usual day to day occurrences, chit chat or jokes one might tell to him. His 'comeback' might be that of total intellect, sarcasm or something philosophical - which many ppl don't identify with, or it's over their head. So, they might not know how to respond or what to say back. And maybe there's awkward silence. Or something. Or, then the result might be that he gets a funny, odd look or a <em>'what? dude, why would you say <strong>that</strong> (sarcasm)? </em>The resulting silence, odd look or comeback is what he then will go and ruminate on in his very cerebral mind...and he will <em>personalize</em> it. "Is there something wrong with me, socially? why can't I just fit in...or say '<em>normal</em>' things?" He tells his therapist (who's the sharp as tack one) that he is <strong>not</strong> affected by these reactions to his dry wit, sarcasm. But, he IS. He's rationalizing, trying to make light of it. She says she thinks he likes the way he is, but is just not comfortable with how he is different, socially. Yet.</p><p></p><p>Personalization is also something he does often, which is an unhealthy type of distorted thinking. And it also adds to his anxiety. Because usually most of the time, what he is personalizing, is not actually what transpired. The thinking is distorted. With time, & C B T, he can learn to identify the distortion, see the reality and improve on this.</p><p></p><p>As a funny note, back when my last child was a baby and I was still breastfeeding/pumping...one night he had 2 friends spend the night. He was in HS. He and the one friend wanted to make milkshakes. So, they whipped some up for the 3 of them, while the 3rd kid was in the room playing video games. Only for the 3rd kids shake, they used my breastmilk. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite9" alt=":eek:" title="Eek! :eek:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":eek:" /></p><p>And another time, he told me he and some friends were at the mall, and they bought several $1 mice @ the pet store, walked to Victoria's Secret, and let them loose in the back by the fitting rooms. And left.</p><p></p><p>I needed that giggle.</p><p></p><p>I don't know, but wonder, is this an Aspie trait, he has? [USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] do you think? You seem well-versed on this. He's also obsessively clean with his hygiene, very organized i.e. his room and things are just right. When he has interest in something, he researches the hell out of it. Back in HS, he was really in to Led Zeppelin and taught himself how to play many of their songs on his guitar. He also knew every fact, tidbit about each member, etc.</p><p></p><p>I just keep trying to tell myself that this is his journey. He knows he has anxiety, he has the tools at his fingertips to get help. Now, he needs to use them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 695328, member: 19966"] Karisma - this is very interesting to read, the 3 - 4 month itch. Well, his relapses occurred right in the middle of that. I never saw low self-esteem in son when he was a teen. He always acted very self-confident, had many friends, was on wrestling team, did football for one season...super handsome - so lots of girl attention. You just never can tell. Maybe his low self-esteem now, at 23, has resulted from the [I]9yrs of addiction[/I], and so, is from [I]that[/I]? Or, I read that many boys, whose fathers sort of aren't there as they grow up, or abandon them, can grow up to have low self-esteem. Boys need that male bond, from their bio father. I read that if they do not GET that from the father, the boy can then internalize this in a negative (and incorrect) light. "IF my own bio father, who is supposed to love me, does not love me, or find interest in me...I must not matter, I must be a reject, there MUST be something wrong with me...or he WOULD love me." As young boys, they are unable to rationalize and put into proper, truthful context that maybe the father is MIA because HE has serious issues. It's sad! I have not heard from him, nor have I called the place he's in. Aside from angry, I just am numb right now. It's faith-based, maybe that's a good thing. I don't know what or who his 'higher power' is, as he has said he's agnostic for years now. I'm angry that he wasted these past 4 months, in residential inpatient setting, IOP setting and sober living with-one-on-one therapist each week, and never brought up his anxiety. Until last week. When, it has been clear to me since seeing his Google searches, that anxiety CONSUMES his days. I suppose better late, than never. Seems it's clear now, what his anxiety stems from. Social. Unless you're a recluse, social is EVERY DAY. How can one have a history of addiction/alcoholism, self-medicating[I][B] and[/B][/I] unchecked, untreated social anxiety and not relapse over and over and over? He's an intellect, magnetic and a super funny guy but has a dry sense of humor, which can border on sarcastic. He doesn't find humor or interest in the superficial, usual day to day occurrences, chit chat or jokes one might tell to him. His 'comeback' might be that of total intellect, sarcasm or something philosophical - which many ppl don't identify with, or it's over their head. So, they might not know how to respond or what to say back. And maybe there's awkward silence. Or something. Or, then the result might be that he gets a funny, odd look or a [I]'what? dude, why would you say [B]that[/B] (sarcasm)? [/I]The resulting silence, odd look or comeback is what he then will go and ruminate on in his very cerebral mind...and he will [I]personalize[/I] it. "Is there something wrong with me, socially? why can't I just fit in...or say '[I]normal[/I]' things?" He tells his therapist (who's the sharp as tack one) that he is [B]not[/B] affected by these reactions to his dry wit, sarcasm. But, he IS. He's rationalizing, trying to make light of it. She says she thinks he likes the way he is, but is just not comfortable with how he is different, socially. Yet. Personalization is also something he does often, which is an unhealthy type of distorted thinking. And it also adds to his anxiety. Because usually most of the time, what he is personalizing, is not actually what transpired. The thinking is distorted. With time, & C B T, he can learn to identify the distortion, see the reality and improve on this. As a funny note, back when my last child was a baby and I was still breastfeeding/pumping...one night he had 2 friends spend the night. He was in HS. He and the one friend wanted to make milkshakes. So, they whipped some up for the 3 of them, while the 3rd kid was in the room playing video games. Only for the 3rd kids shake, they used my breastmilk. :eek: And another time, he told me he and some friends were at the mall, and they bought several $1 mice @ the pet store, walked to Victoria's Secret, and let them loose in the back by the fitting rooms. And left. I needed that giggle. I don't know, but wonder, is this an Aspie trait, he has? [USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] do you think? You seem well-versed on this. He's also obsessively clean with his hygiene, very organized i.e. his room and things are just right. When he has interest in something, he researches the hell out of it. Back in HS, he was really in to Led Zeppelin and taught himself how to play many of their songs on his guitar. He also knew every fact, tidbit about each member, etc. I just keep trying to tell myself that this is his journey. He knows he has anxiety, he has the tools at his fingertips to get help. Now, he needs to use them. [/QUOTE]
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