Underwear and my son.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Fran, Sep 28, 2007.

  1. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    difficult child closed down his apartment and moved to NC temporarily. He packed his gadgets with great care and brought them. Unfortunately, he only brought 3 pair of underwear. Not essential I guess. :nonono:
    I sent him to a less expensive dept. store to purchase underwear. After he arrives home I ask "how much". He said about 20.00. I'm thinking "hmmmmm that seems a lot for a package of underwear". The next day he finally gets around to bringing in the bag from the car. I look inside at the receipt. 19.99 for 2 pair. :slap: He bought 64.00 of underwear that won't even get him through the week. It's not like he is a GQ kind of guy and likes nice underwear. He could care less!
    Just shoot me and put me out of my misery!!! :hammer:

    I explained that he worked more than 10hrs to buy underpants. difficult child only sees that I am not happy with his purchase. It takes him great effort to go to a store, look for the right dept, and buy anything that isn't a gadget. It is a cause for some stress for him. For me to not be happy reinforces that he screwed up.

    We talked about how this is life. We make mistakes and we take them back and get our money back. He was not happy to return them. (another stressor) but he did do it.

    I'm looking for 6 pr of undies for less than 20.00!!! difficult child thinks underwear is underwear. What's the big deal?

    I hope he marries someone who can handle the money because this is definitely not his strength.
  2. blb

    blb New Member


    How about 14 for $21.98? And see below, I've made it simple for the male mind :smile: in your favorite phrase


    to get

    I hear they have a nice gadget department too. :hammer:
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Haha - sounds like my difficult child. She needed, wait, SCRATCH THAT, she wanted undies and instead of going to kohls, walmart or target to get some cute panties, say, 3 for $10...she went Victoria's Secret and bought 3 pair for $25!! Duh. Her money, she has to learn the hard way as always. Now she buys them at kohls or burlington coat factory where they are super inexpensive.

    It's okay to splurge, but c'mon.
  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    If he hasn't worn them, can he take them back?

    My daughter recently bought a Coach purse. Cost her two Benjamins. I about had a stroke. I told her I hope she really likes it, because at that price she needs to carry it until she's a grandmother.

    Hopefully these underwear are 280 count cotton and last him several decades. If so, it wasn't such a bad investment. LOL
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Oh no, they were returned. Although it is his money he is so disabled when it comes to money and time that he will end up short for something like electric bill or deposit on rent. We still have to help him out. He is oblivious. No way can he manage on what he earns and the SSI.

    If he wanted and planned and bought something he really wanted, it would be one thing but this was totally a lack of shopping skills and money skills. It was as if he threw the money down the garbage disposal.
  6. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    Fran, I understand how frustrating that must be...but I have to say, its kind of cute...i can picture, do, da, day, meandering thru the store, look underwear! my size, mission accomplished.

  7. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Your subject line certainly got my attention!

    When school started I took my 14 year old son out shopping and when we got to underwear he stood there not knowing what to do or where to start. I asked him the questions you would expect (regular, briefs, color) and my usually pretty sharp kid gave me one "I dunno" right after another making me wonder if something about shopping for underwear made young males totally unintelligible. Finally I resorted to "Walk up and down these aisles and point to what most of the guys are wearing now". Put like that he walked straight to the boxers and said "These". Now we had a starting point to work from.

    Maybe Underwear Shopping Disability (USD) should be in the next DSM. Or maybe it's like shopping for toothpaste--so many choices that people stand there helplessly trying to decide.
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    :rolleyes: OK, I may be the only person that wondered this but, where did all his other underwear go?? :faint:

  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    SRL,roflmbo! Underwear Shopping Disability. I think you may be on to something.

    Beth, he is cute in his absolute lack of guile.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    LDM, I wondered the same. How long has he been getting by with 3 pair?

    2 for $20, huh? That should not even be allowed.
  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    His other clothes are coming on the moving van. Not sure how but I'm not going there.
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member


    I hope there are boxes on the moving van. Can you imagine him just throwing stuff in?
    That would be my difficult child.
  13. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    3 pair is perfectly adequate. Heck, that's even one extra. You really only need 2. :)
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    How funny. My difficult child can (and will, if forced) shop for anything. I quit taking responsibility for his clothes years ago. We go, and he knows his current size (Sometimes I ask if they are tight), decides what is cheapest per pair, and gets them.

    BUT it took 2 years of homeschooling and FORCING him to do this on a weekly basis with the grocery shopping. I went alone to do the big shop, but kept a small list to take him to shop for. He had to evaluate cost per unit, quality (taste, how clothes were made, did that brand last well last time we bought it, etc), and if he had enough in his budget to get it or if it was a luxury we could do without.

    He made some mistakes, and some strange to me choices, but danged if at 15 he can't take care of this. But it was really important to me to force it, and this may be one of the few skills he really got.

    Good luck with your difficult child, glad he could return them.

  15. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    I was told that one pair of boxers can last a guy 4 days, right?

    wear them forward, wear them backwards, them flip them inside out, do it all over again...
  16. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    This sounds like something my difficult children would do, especially difficult child 2!!! :hammer: :hammer: :hammer: Although I think things are tough now, I'm beginning to see that I'll have my work cut out for me when he graduates high school. I have a hard time picturing him on his own!!! (This is the understatement of the day!!!)

    I wish I could just get inside a difficult child's head for one hour. Their thinking processes absolutely amaze me!!! :hammer: Yesterday, difficult child 2 came home with gum stuck to his backpack (compliments of a fellow 9th grader). He asked me for a plastic fork. I asked him what he wanted a plastic fork for. He said he needed it to scrape the gum off of his backpack!!! :hammer: :hammer: :hammer: He honestly didn't understand why a flimsy plastic fork wouldn't work!!! :hammer: :hammer: :hammer:

    If you figure out how to get through to your difficult child in the financial dept., please share!!! I can use all the help I can get!!! WFEN
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Fran. Sorry, but your post made me chuckle. I know how exasperating it is, but my husband is like that. Yup. Not difficult child.
    He bought me a very expensive wool dress ($200) when I was pregnant with-easy child. First off, I can't wear wool, second, it was stretch (I refuse to do stretch for a pregnant body) and third, it was way too expensive. He said, "Oh, is that a lot of $? I don't know anything about women's clothes."
    difficult child is being raised "properly." (Ha!) We never go anywhere with-o my saying, "How much is it? Compare it to the one next to it."
    Now, easy child even compares prices on his baseball cards. Amen!
  18. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I haven't discussed it with him in recent years but the last I heard my brother didn't wear underwear or socks. Including under jeans and boots.
  19. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    WFEN, my difficult child doesn't see the obvious either. This is one of the "best of difficult child".

    When difficult child filled out the application for a driving permit, it asks what color is his hair. He left it blank. I asked why? His response was "no one knows what color their hair is. It's on the top of your head". :hammer: Made perfect sense to difficult child.

    His difficulty with money is a very real disability and not irresponsibility. He wouldn't grasp that 3 pr for 9.00 is a better deal that 2pr for 10.00. If we work it step by step he will get it but it's not easy for him. I can't go everywhere with him so he sometimes makes expensive mistakes.

    Terri, your husband sounds like a nice guy regardless of stretch wool dress for 200.00 when you are pregnant. LOL. My difficult child was given the guideline of no gift with a plug or for the kitchen. :faint: He is so practical that he would think I would be delighted with a vacuum cleaner. LOL.
  20. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Fran, I wonder if difficult child can get services for that. It really is a disability. A highly intelligent friend of mine in Indiana has trouble budgeting because of executive function issues, is receiving disability for Complex PTSD and someone comes out once a month or so to help him with his finances. I can't remember what branch the person works for. Maybe check with adult services? Although they can't go shopping with him every time he goes, it might help take some of the responsibility off your shoulders.