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Unfeeling - normal or bad person?
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 676071" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" way to feel. Anyone who judges your feelings has never had the kind of Difficult Child those of us here have and cannot understand the storm of emotions they put us through. For me, realization has threw me into a grief process that has cycled many times - anger, resentment, shock, denial, bargaining...and acceptance.</p><p></p><p>Most of the time I feel anxious, nervous, and fearful every time I speak to or interact with Difficult Child. I feel like interactions are emotional land mines that are invisible to me and the wrong look, phrase, or gesture will cause an explosion. I always feel relief when it is over. Does that make me a bad parent? No - I have just taken enough abuse to know what to expect if I am not very, very careful - and may get anyway even with all of my tip toeing.</p><p></p><p>I question every word that comes out of DCs mouth, looking for lies and manipulations, attempts at guilt, or contradictions. I evaluation whether the "I love you" is valid or a set up for a request later or an "understood obligation" I was accidentally trapped into. Does that make me a bad parent? No, just a trained one.</p><p></p><p>I often feel deep sadness, worry, guilt, desperation, hopelessness and self-doubt. I mourn the loss of the child I once had and the potential that has been thrown to the wayside. I feel completely disconnected from this person she has become, and I feel like she is a stranger to me. Does that make me a bad parent? No. She IS a stranger to me, and one of her own creation through her past and continued choices.</p><p></p><p>The few, few times I feel numb, I welcome. I wish they would come more often. Does that make me a bad parent? No, just an exhausted one that instead of being trapped in the storm of negative emotions that keep me locked in place and unable to (at times) function in the rest of my own life would rather feel nothing at all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 676071, member: 19905"] I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" way to feel. Anyone who judges your feelings has never had the kind of Difficult Child those of us here have and cannot understand the storm of emotions they put us through. For me, realization has threw me into a grief process that has cycled many times - anger, resentment, shock, denial, bargaining...and acceptance. Most of the time I feel anxious, nervous, and fearful every time I speak to or interact with Difficult Child. I feel like interactions are emotional land mines that are invisible to me and the wrong look, phrase, or gesture will cause an explosion. I always feel relief when it is over. Does that make me a bad parent? No - I have just taken enough abuse to know what to expect if I am not very, very careful - and may get anyway even with all of my tip toeing. I question every word that comes out of DCs mouth, looking for lies and manipulations, attempts at guilt, or contradictions. I evaluation whether the "I love you" is valid or a set up for a request later or an "understood obligation" I was accidentally trapped into. Does that make me a bad parent? No, just a trained one. I often feel deep sadness, worry, guilt, desperation, hopelessness and self-doubt. I mourn the loss of the child I once had and the potential that has been thrown to the wayside. I feel completely disconnected from this person she has become, and I feel like she is a stranger to me. Does that make me a bad parent? No. She IS a stranger to me, and one of her own creation through her past and continued choices. The few, few times I feel numb, I welcome. I wish they would come more often. Does that make me a bad parent? No, just an exhausted one that instead of being trapped in the storm of negative emotions that keep me locked in place and unable to (at times) function in the rest of my own life would rather feel nothing at all. [/QUOTE]
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Unfeeling - normal or bad person?
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