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Unfeeling - normal or bad person?
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 676082" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>You’ve reached a good point of detachment. It is normal to have a lack of "feeling" when we get this point. Our hearts have been broken so many times by our difficult child that our hearts develop a callous. It's a way to protect us.</p><p></p><p>I had a similar moment when I realized that I was losing any emotional feeling for my son. As he was moving out from our home, he reached to hug me and I did not want to even hug him back. It was a strange feeling to realize I felt differently, that I really felt like I did not want to even see my son anymore, that I no longer really even cared what was going to happen to him when he left my home (And at that initial moment, I thought, “<em>I don’t like to feel this way about my own son, but I just do not like the person he is now. I don't want to be around him or think about him.”</em>) I did not like feeling this way about my own son. This was not like me. And it made me wonder, how could a mother feel this way, and will this feeling ever change back.</p><p></p><p>It’s now been almost a couple of months since I felt that initial realization, and I have since had very limited contact and communication with my son since then. Since he’s not been around, I think of him even less, and realize that the only way I will probably ever have the loving, concerned, close or friendly feelings for him again, is if he himself steps forward to want to reconnect with us and have some sort of closer connection. Since we stopped enabling him and asked him to leave our home, I guess he knows there is not much for him to use us for anymore, so he does not come around or want to have much contact.</p><p></p><p>For me, this detachment and “not feeling” anymore is a good progress for me right now. I needed to let go of my emotions, fears, expectations, and “feeling” regarding him. I needed to get him out of our house and forget about him and stop enabling him. </p><p></p><p>Now, when it’s necessary to communicate, I try just to be matter of fact and keep to the facts and information, and not bring any feeling / emotions (good or bad) into it. He mentioned recently to me (with a tiny hint of friendly manner) to “call me sometime, mom.” He seems to want others to keep up a contact with him, but he never initiates a social / cordial call to us on his own (unless maybe for something he wants . Same old ...) Hmmm?</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I do catch myself wondering if he is alive and where he is and what he is doing, but I have released a feeling of worry or concern about it. It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>My sentiments exactly. Don't worry. This feeling of "<em>unfeeling</em>" is normal. You are going to be alright.</p><p>It's all good. Take care. ~ Kalahou</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 676082, member: 19617"] You’ve reached a good point of detachment. It is normal to have a lack of "feeling" when we get this point. Our hearts have been broken so many times by our difficult child that our hearts develop a callous. It's a way to protect us. I had a similar moment when I realized that I was losing any emotional feeling for my son. As he was moving out from our home, he reached to hug me and I did not want to even hug him back. It was a strange feeling to realize I felt differently, that I really felt like I did not want to even see my son anymore, that I no longer really even cared what was going to happen to him when he left my home (And at that initial moment, I thought, “[I]I don’t like to feel this way about my own son, but I just do not like the person he is now. I don't want to be around him or think about him.”[/I]) I did not like feeling this way about my own son. This was not like me. And it made me wonder, how could a mother feel this way, and will this feeling ever change back. It’s now been almost a couple of months since I felt that initial realization, and I have since had very limited contact and communication with my son since then. Since he’s not been around, I think of him even less, and realize that the only way I will probably ever have the loving, concerned, close or friendly feelings for him again, is if he himself steps forward to want to reconnect with us and have some sort of closer connection. Since we stopped enabling him and asked him to leave our home, I guess he knows there is not much for him to use us for anymore, so he does not come around or want to have much contact. For me, this detachment and “not feeling” anymore is a good progress for me right now. I needed to let go of my emotions, fears, expectations, and “feeling” regarding him. I needed to get him out of our house and forget about him and stop enabling him. Now, when it’s necessary to communicate, I try just to be matter of fact and keep to the facts and information, and not bring any feeling / emotions (good or bad) into it. He mentioned recently to me (with a tiny hint of friendly manner) to “call me sometime, mom.” He seems to want others to keep up a contact with him, but he never initiates a social / cordial call to us on his own (unless maybe for something he wants . Same old ...) Hmmm? Sometimes I do catch myself wondering if he is alive and where he is and what he is doing, but I have released a feeling of worry or concern about it. It is what it is. My sentiments exactly. Don't worry. This feeling of "[I]unfeeling[/I]" is normal. You are going to be alright. It's all good. Take care. ~ Kalahou [/QUOTE]
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