Ungrateful adult daughters

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tracy Walker, Sep 3, 2018.

  1. Tracy Walker

    Tracy Walker New Member

    Please bare with as I do not express my thoughts well in writing. Recently, I had surgery a complete hysterectomy well 8 days after my surgery my daughter needed me to sit at her house for the movers to pack her things. So I went over there the first day and sat for 11 hours for them to pack there things then turned around and went back that Sat. for them to load it which took 8 hours. Apparently, I missed some a few things during the last walkthrough. She had asked me to do a video walkthrough with her but my phone was going dead I was exhausted had already locked the door the movers were getting ready to leave and frankly my insides were hurting. She has had her things for well over a week and calls me yesterday while unpacking and chews me out for forgetting her silverware. Her silverware and glass pie plates were missing. I asked her can't your husbands grandpa mail them to you. She then replied you pay the money and mail them to me. i said hey don't you have a walmart or dollar tree you can go to and pick up some utensils and silverware. And are you seriously gripping me out and have and attitude with me after what I just did for you. At this point she hangs up on blocks me from her phone and facebook this way I no longer have contact with her but I cant speak with my granddaughters either. Please does anyone have and advice for this behavior. I 'm really tired of my daughter putting me through hoops.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My advice is to not do anything for her ever again. She is going to hold her kids against you no matter what...bet she has done it or threatened to do it before. This was probably going to happen.

    If she has a nice SO who understands how mean she is and has sympathy perhaps keep in touch with that person.

    What a nasty thing to do to a mother. I would put lots of distance between you and her even if she HADNT blocked you. Simetimes our adult kids are not good people and we and the grands are punished for it. But we can not change anyone but us and your daughter wasnt even concerned that you had surgery, I would bet. Why didnt she stay home and watch the movers??

    If you are not in therapy for yourself, I highly recommend it. I am so sorry you are being treated like this. A lot of us have learned to go on and live good lives despite having challenging adult children. We have no choice...we cant let them break us. You matter as much as she does!

    Love and light!
     
  3. B’smom

    B’smom Member

    Tracy,
    I unfortunately don’t have any advice to offer you. My kids are still young so I haven’t gone what you are going through. I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. I am very sorry to hear that you’re going through all of this. I can’t imagine how isolating it must be for you. Here if you ever need to vent
     
  4. Bookwitch1

    Bookwitch1 New Member

    The only thing to do is to STOP DOING ANYTHING FOR HER! It will go against everything in you, especially if you are like me and have a hard time establishing boundaries and are super accommodating, also like me!!! I have one child, a daughter who is 25. I've had to face up to the fact that she isn't a very nice person a large part of the time, especially to me. Yes, she uses drugs. No, I was far from a perfect mother but loved her and did the very best I could like all you moms out there reading this. I made a living, finished college, rented then bought the house she was raised in; she was very well taken care of......she is grown now and I could not take the abuse anymore. My life is a happier, more peaceful place. We must consider them NOT as our babies, but as full-grown adults. We would not put up with the horrible treatment from anyone else. Much love and support to all you out there going through this; it comes down to YOUR life.....it's short, make YOURSELF happy and leave it up to THEM to make themselves happy. Love them, but do it from afar if needed and it IS usually needed. AGAIN, DO NOTHING FOR HIM/HER......so easy to fall back into it.....I've done it a thousand times.....they are masters of manipulation. When you stop doing for them they usually stop coming around or calling, this may take a few tries of them calling/texting/emailing always needing/wanting something but NEVER asking about how you are doing or any of the family.....that's a dead giveaway. As I write this it sounds like I'm dealing with a psychopath, perhaps in a mild way, I am. Seems to me this is happening far more often than it used to.....I wish I understood the psychological or societal reasons for it. SUPPORT to you all and much love.....my heart goes out to you all!