Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Oct 4, 2009.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child drives me crazy with his lack of gratitude. husband took difficult child to the double feature of the Toy Story movies in 3D today. They had a really good time and husband let difficult child play the video games he loves to play. difficult child also had popcorn and something to drink.

    Then on the way home husband had to stop to have his new cell phone set up (his old one went through the washing machine:tongue:) difficult child pitched a major fit because husband wouldn't buy him a cell phone (difficult child's has been lost for several months). He was swearing at husband and who knows what else. When they pulled in the driveway I saw difficult child give him the finger.

    husband was fit to be tied, he was so upset that after the nice day they had (husband went out of his way to make sure it was a good one) that difficult child would act like this.

    Grrrrr-I hate his lack of gratitude-doesn't surprise me (he acts like this all the time) just upsets me!
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Sometimes it is so hard when we do so much, and they never even realize it and take it for granted. Sometimes we get used to it, but we still don't like it.

    Wish I had some words of wisdom on how to make it better.
  3. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I think it might be time to strip difficult children life of ALL privileges except those required by law.

    He doesn't require electronics, not nice clothing, nor even a choice in meals. I think having a good reality check might be really good for him.

    The only 'goodies' he gets should be the ones he EARNS from you and polite behavior is part of that.

    Under no circumstances should that sort of disrepect be allowed, in my opinion.
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I feel your pain. It bites.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Yep. been there done that. And I hate it.
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Wow. Sounds like maybe he had a little too much fun today! Do you think the stimulation of the movie and the video games sent him over the edge? Then again, you say he's like this a lot... so maybe not.

    I'd be hugely p'd. o. too! Can't wait to hear what wonderful consequences you decide to dole out. :devil:
  7. bramblewoodbabydoll

    bramblewoodbabydoll Ambiguous Witch

    I can definately say I understand... I wish I had the guts to strip sprite of her privilages but I give into a lot just to avoid the fight. It does sound like he got overstimulated..I have to dole out my niceness to sprite in small doses. If she gets too happy she loses her shiggity more easily:sick: ya know?
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    this is not just difficult child behavior. All our kids have trouble with gratefullness from time to time. I don't buy that he was overstimulated - he's a little old for that and this is an ongoing thing with him.

    That certainly does't make it any easier to take. If there is a quiet molment this evening, perhaps you could talk to him alone and let him know how it made his dad feel. Maybe even get him to apologize to his dad.

  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone-I knew you would understand. With him, I agree with Sharon, it's not the over stimulation, it is ongoing with him. I'll try to have a talk with him tonight about it, hopefully he'll understand how much it hurt husband yesterday. I like Going North's idea of stripping all privileges, however, husband I don't think will go for it (but I told husband next time I think it's exactly what we need to do). I plan on having him lose the computer for the week, he isn't going to be a happy camper.
  10. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Wiped. The reason I mention the room-stripping is that I found myself on the recieving end of that at the age of 11 when I cursed my mother.

    I lost everything but a mattress on the floor, a few books, and all my preferred clothing. I also lost my chance to do anything fun with family or friends. I went to school, came home and read, or went outside but had to stay in the yard.

    Granted electronics were not an issue. Computers and cell phones didn't exist and it was very unusual for kids to have their own TVs.

    It made enough of an impact on me that I still remember it clearly to this day. I still think difficult child needs a reality check, but this won't work unless you can get husband on the same page as you.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sharon ~ not sure about difficult child but the tweedles were masters at this & triangulation.

    They would sabotage anything fun or decent we did for them; be it outings, gifts, new clothes ~ you name it.

    On top of that they would choose a parent (mostly me) that they would dump on & become total jerks. For wm, it may have been the stimulation but I no longer believe that.

    Having said that, husband took wm aside & let him know that wm would no longer be treating "his wife" in this manner & that wm didn't want to know the consequences if he did. husband or I had to continually remind the tweedles that husband & I were partners & wouldn't allow our partners to be treated like difficult child treated your husband yesterday.

    As much as we want to see the positives with our difficult children sometimes they just go to far. It's no fun for us - I hated feeling so isolated at times.

    I bet you resent hearing from therapist's that your difficult children feel safe & that is why they act out toward you & no one else. I told the therapist a couple of weeks ago (for wm) that I no longer wanted to feel be that safety net for wm.

    I finally stopped with little surprises or gifts. Outings were few & far between. It's taken time but kt & wm are getting the idea that I deserve respect.

    Sorry to go on & on but I feel your pain.

  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Been there. STILL there. No matter what I do, I'm "mean" if I don't give into every demand.

    Tink's therapist also suggested the room stripping thing. I've got a busy couple days ahead of me, this kid's room is a danger zone.

    Hugs, you are not alone.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Doesn't this just slurp the fun out of everything? It is a constant struggle to continue to be nice to them when they treat you and your partner with such disrespect.

    I have been known to force a child to reimburse me for an outing that they ruined with that sort of behavior. Not every time, but enough times that it got Wiz' attention.

    It worked even better than giving him chores as a consequence. chores he could do a lousy job on if he was mad. Cash is cash. For my difficult child, and probably for many difficult children, hitting them in the wallet is what is most effective.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    GN-I agree/but it will be hard to get husband on the same page. He is good, overall, with consequences and we always support one another but I'm not sure I can get him to go for it. I did read him your post and told him I thought next time we should do exactly that.

    TL-Yep, I'm tired of being that safety net!

    BBK-Thanks for the hugs-worry you are dealing with the same.

    Susie-It does slurp the fun out of things! The cash idea is a good one!
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wiped Out. If he is reluctant to try it, maybe have him read the posts about the process in the archives. There are posts about the Full Riley in there.
  16. jal

    jal Member

    WipedOut - I just read your post and thought I wrote it. husband took difficult child on Saturday to see Cloudy with-a Chance of Meatballs...bought difficult child soda, popcorn and candy AND let him play the video games at the theater after the movie. husband stopped to get a coffee on the way home and difficult child pitched a fit because he couldn't have a 5 cent peppermint patty. difficult child then went on to tell husband he was a "bad" dad. Once they came in the house and I heard all of it, I lit into difficult child for his attitude towards husband and had to explain about how his terrible attitude towards his father after him doing something special for him, make us not want to do other special things for him. I had him apologize to husband, which he did. It is infuriating to provide them with-something special and not have them appreciate it. Our difficult child is only 7, but still, I can't recall mysef having such a lack of gratitiude for when my parents did special things for us. Our difficult child is an only child and maybe a touch spoiled, but to ruin it over a stupid peppermint patty? Yikes, I know, only a difficult child can rationalize that!
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aaargh. been there done that. Too many times.
    I'd give it to him with-both barrels. (In fact, I usually do!) He cannot get away with-that. Too bad husband didn't react immediately. One thing about these kids ... you often have to react immediately or they will forget, or at least understate the moment later. Even after giving it to him with-both barrels, I will wait for a quiet moment and talk with-him. My son needs both.
    Sigh. Best of luck, whatever you decide.