Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
United front?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 761514" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi. I am sorry your son is choosing to make bad choices and that you feel you have to bail him out. That was me for ten years and I did NOT always tell my husband because I was a codependent, trying to please everyone. Of course my daughter blew her rent on drugs ("The dealer said he'd kill me"...this after she called again for MORE rent money) and my husband found out and he eventually moved out.</p><p></p><p>I personally was only saved when I went for help, therapy and Naranon. God help me, I was as sick as Kay. I was addicted to taking care of a 30 year old women at the expense of my husband and two other kids who had a crazy stressed out mother for Christmas and every other day. Kay was all I cared about and worried about. I only sometimes got sane and remembered that Kay could choose to get government benefits and professional help, which we both agreed we would pay for. But instead "poor kay" who may have felt stressed like me, did NOTHING to make her life better. "I am not a welfare person" she told me more than once. "You guys have money! Selfish %#$&." </p><p></p><p>So I almost lost my sanity, my good common sense, my husband and my two other kids because Kay made herself indigent and without any benefits. We were her benefits.</p><p></p><p>Once I went for help to get well from my own illness, we closed The Bank of Dad and Mom. In ten years of giving most of our retirement to Kay, she did not one thing to improve her situation. As of now she is homeless in a very old motorhome that a cousin gave her and her useless husband Lee. I would bet it no longer runs. It is parked somewhere in the SW states. </p><p></p><p>I recovered and am doing well, even though she is still homeless. What helps me is that some cousins she FBs with tell me she likes being homeless, out of the "rat race" and, as she calls it "free." She gets benefits now.</p><p></p><p>We as parents have choices to how we respond to our loved ones who don't try to make things better. I personally wish I had realized that everything we bought and gave to Kay did not help her one bit. I see no stories here where the kids change due to our money and nervous breakdowns. A few changed by their own choices. That is the only way people change. We can't change an unwilling person. </p><p></p><p>My daughter's idea of comfort is way different than mine. Your son, like all of us, has to walk his own.path. These kids tend to spend our money on things they desire rather than their stated reasons for "needing"money. Very often it's drugs. But they are not going to say "Mom, I am desperate for drugs." They are hungry or homeless or need a warm blanket. They know how to do it.</p><p></p><p>Next time your son says he needs rent, my suggestion is to give him NO money...send the rent directly to the landlord. You may find out he doesn't even live there anymore. We did twice! Kay was furious we didn't give the fake rent money to HER. It's crazymaking.</p><p></p><p>I wish you peace and love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 761514, member: 23706"] Hi. I am sorry your son is choosing to make bad choices and that you feel you have to bail him out. That was me for ten years and I did NOT always tell my husband because I was a codependent, trying to please everyone. Of course my daughter blew her rent on drugs ("The dealer said he'd kill me"...this after she called again for MORE rent money) and my husband found out and he eventually moved out. I personally was only saved when I went for help, therapy and Naranon. God help me, I was as sick as Kay. I was addicted to taking care of a 30 year old women at the expense of my husband and two other kids who had a crazy stressed out mother for Christmas and every other day. Kay was all I cared about and worried about. I only sometimes got sane and remembered that Kay could choose to get government benefits and professional help, which we both agreed we would pay for. But instead "poor kay" who may have felt stressed like me, did NOTHING to make her life better. "I am not a welfare person" she told me more than once. "You guys have money! Selfish %#$&." So I almost lost my sanity, my good common sense, my husband and my two other kids because Kay made herself indigent and without any benefits. We were her benefits. Once I went for help to get well from my own illness, we closed The Bank of Dad and Mom. In ten years of giving most of our retirement to Kay, she did not one thing to improve her situation. As of now she is homeless in a very old motorhome that a cousin gave her and her useless husband Lee. I would bet it no longer runs. It is parked somewhere in the SW states. I recovered and am doing well, even though she is still homeless. What helps me is that some cousins she FBs with tell me she likes being homeless, out of the "rat race" and, as she calls it "free." She gets benefits now. We as parents have choices to how we respond to our loved ones who don't try to make things better. I personally wish I had realized that everything we bought and gave to Kay did not help her one bit. I see no stories here where the kids change due to our money and nervous breakdowns. A few changed by their own choices. That is the only way people change. We can't change an unwilling person. My daughter's idea of comfort is way different than mine. Your son, like all of us, has to walk his own.path. These kids tend to spend our money on things they desire rather than their stated reasons for "needing"money. Very often it's drugs. But they are not going to say "Mom, I am desperate for drugs." They are hungry or homeless or need a warm blanket. They know how to do it. Next time your son says he needs rent, my suggestion is to give him NO money...send the rent directly to the landlord. You may find out he doesn't even live there anymore. We did twice! Kay was furious we didn't give the fake rent money to HER. It's crazymaking. I wish you peace and love. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
United front?
Top