Unreasonable Expectations?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Jun 2, 2013.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am trying to figure out if my expectations are uneasonable or if husband and the kids are being lazy and saying whatever to get me to shut up so they can do what they want. Your opinions would be welcome.

    House rule is that you check with an adult before baking/project cooking. This means any cooking that is not part of normal meal prep. If husband or I ask a child to make something like brownies or rice krispie cookies, they can be considered 'normal' depending on use of final product. Often he or I will do the dishes for these requested items with no problems, grumping, etc...

    We are taking the knobs off the stove each night so that jess cannot cook while not fully awake/aware. I posted a couple of weeks ago about her turning on the oven, stove etcc and not being awake/aware and tthe dangers it was presenting. That is working well and is NOT this issue.

    The house rule started because J would cook and then refuse to do the dishes because she hurt too much, was tired or whatever. She does have limited endurance due to the health issues an this is not faked at least half of the time. But if you make a big mess and then cannot clean it up, and often no one else knows about it or only crumbs are left when husband and thank you would come home after school/work, it isn't fair.

    Lately rice krispie bars are the treat of choice. I will NOT buy these premade due to cost, additives and the nasty taste of the store bought ones. None of us really lke them and why eat a treat you don't truly enjoy, Know what I mean??

    When husband or I give the okay to bake, it means we will go and make sure the cleanup is done and food is put away. husband whines and whines about how much $ is wasted because food is not put away but will NOT put food away with-o making it a big deal and expecting praise as though he just mowed the back 40 acres with a pair of embroidery snips. Seriously, he seems to expect that much praise from sixty seconds of work or less. I refuse to do this - he eats here, he can put food up. He KNOWS he won't get praised, mostly because it won't get him to do it again. This battle was settled for the last time about ten yrs ago when I demanded equal praise and he thought I was being a toddler about it. He did laugh when he realzed that I was only doing what HE did. He is good that way.

    The follow up is agreed upon by husband and I, and has been agreed on, rehashed every year or two, again agreed on, for years. Lately? No follow through. with-o follow through, the kids don't clean up after the project. I cannot always be there to insist on it.

    I am in the middle of a long migraine. husband gave the okay for rice krispie treats last night. I found one marshmallowy streaked pan on the stove and went looking. An entire 4 qt saucepan was used as a bowl (cause heaven forbid we wash a real bowl when we want to cook, that would be asking WAY too much) and had half stirred rice krispies hardening in it. I tried to get the wooden spoon out and it snapped in half. It was a cheapie, but still.

    Where was it? On the living room FLOOR. Seems it was too hard to get it out of the pan, to cover it, to wash the pan, etc...

    I am LIVID. I did wake her highness up to say "WTH???" and ask if she had the okay from husband. She says she does. which means they are BOTH in trouble with me.

    How hard is it to fully stir them? Sure, it would be easier if you didn't use the same recipe that you have used that does not really have enough marshmallow to cover the amt of cereal. Gee, four times in two weeks I have said to not use that recipe or to decrease the amt of cereal by 1 cup. I even wrote the dang thing down on teh cereal bag.

    But it is too hard to make a change like that. I guess it means cutting off the toe you use to count the number of cups or something.

    Oh, THAT is why she couldn't reduce the cereal. She didn't want to get blood all over the floor from the home amputation procedure!!! She probably didn't get the home amputation kit for recipe correction that has the bandages in it. the nickel-ninety-eight extra would break the bank and we would be homeless. How Thoughtful!!!

    Can you see that days of migraine with little help from the medications is making me extra sarcastic?

    Anyway, is it realistic to expect basic cleanup to be done after project cooking? To expect the results to be actually mixed together and put into a pan and covered, and not just left to harden into concrete in a saucepan on the floor???

    Am I asking too much? Cause you would think I was demanding home amputation without bandages from the reaction I have been getting. I keep hearing that I am only 'fussing' over this because I have a migraine, not because it is a problem. To hear this from Mr. We-Are-Going-To-Be-Homeless-Because-10-Cents-of-Ketchup-Was-Not-Eaten is making me want to throttle people in their sleep after performing those home amputations.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh man - that is not fair! I for sure have a better suggestion! Have her look up microwaving the marshmallows for the treats...no pans to clean, just pour the cereal into the same bowl.....AND they are better tasting believe it or not. And easier to stir!

    I hope that helps!

    And no, you are not being unreasonable. Having to walk into a room and see a pan covered in sticky hard to clean marshmallow would make me go crazy! !
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugh! I would be livid!

    But....let me just share a few things that work in my household:

    First - men DO get praise as though they just mowed the back 40 with a pair of embroidery snips. It costs me nothing to lather praise - and it seems to be a great incentive to get them to do it again, and again, and again... Hey - clean the whole house! Knock yourself out! I will be sure and tell you just how darn SEXY you look holding a mop with your dishpan hands!

    Second - if your cooking ruins something (accident or not) you are responsible for replacing it. Broken spoons, bowls with solidified gunk in them - well, somebody has to go out and get new.

    Third - This is a family. There are no "treats for one". You make it and share with all - or you do not make it. Period.

    Fourth - If you cannot do something...whether because you do not know how, are you haven't the stamina, whatever...you must wait for someone to assist you. No half-started projects that go to waste because one person couldn't handle it.

    Hope this helps!

    Good luck!
  4. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Whichever adult approves the project is in charge of the cleanup, not the child. That migh be an incntive for the adult to follow up on the cleaning. If you find the dirty things, husband now should do it, he was resposibl for making sure everything was cleaned. Change the rules to that. If he does his job he'll never have to clean. difficult child is living large, she knows which parent to ask. Shut that right down.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    I agree with UAN. If he gave the permission it's on him to follow through. I would also put a temporary moratorium on this particular treat for a specified time of your choosing until she can learn to make it properly and it can be cleaned up properly. Also said responsible party needs to pay to replace that spoon.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thank you ALL!

    The reason I will NOT praise husband for putting food away is because in his mind that means he has taken care of it the one an ONLY time he will be responsible for it FOR A YEAR. Yes, he actually things (and only once had the cajones to actually say) "But I already put the food away once this year! It only needs to happen once, it should not need to be done by me again until next year!"

    He did NOT mean next year as tomorrow night because it is Dec 31. He meant 365 days later. I will NOT EVER praise someone for a basic task that they flat out will refuse to ever do again. My husband is really odd. For many things lavish praise does work. But for some things, nothing works but stone cold b itchiness. Putting food up and getting kids to do chores are the two big ones. I have no clue why. I usually use lavish praise to motivate husband, with common sense sprinkles to help him see WHY something must be done, but if I get no results or stupidity like the once a year koi, that praise is GONE for quite a while for that task.

    I did get a bit more info. Seems these were made earlier and husband 'forgot' he said okay. He actually told thank you it was okay and thank you got J to do it. thank you totally Tom Sawyered her to get her to make them. After the marshmallow was poured in, she had a seizure and stared into space for several minutes before trying to stir. thank you, who has made these four times in the last 2 or 3 weeks, claimed he thought she was 'supposed to let them sit before stirring". Total nonsense of course, he knows how to amke them. He just didn't want to bother but wantd to give some to a friend who was moving away that night.

    You are very right that I need to make husband do the cleanup if he okays the project and he doesn't make them clean up. I actually thought we had agreed on that, but husband thought I was somehow 'joking' when I told him that if he would not make them clean then he had to do it. Sure I did. Just like I climbed up onto the roof and jumped off, only to fly insead of falling like a rock to the ground. He was NOT happy when I told him that if he could not get the kids to clean up,then I was going to insist that HE do all the cleanup to my standards.

    He sure got the kids up and moving after church, lol.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Susie, the cook who could not clean up around here did not cook.

    As in, if easy child or Nichole made brownies or whatever they were expected to leave the kitchen the way they found it. If they couldn't manage to do that, then they were not allowed to cook. easy child did not do much cooking at home. Nichole on the other hand did a LOT of cooking/baking and managed to follow the rule just fine.

    This just didn't apply to cooking/baking but other snacks too. Make a mess? Clean it up. It just is NOT that difficult.

    And yes, if husband ok's a project and he doesn't make the kids follow through with clean up, then he needs to be in there cleaning up after them.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Additional rule, maybe?
    You can't "hand down" permission. If thank you has permission to do it, then HE can do it. If he wants J to do it for him then J needs to get the permission. The parent needs to know which kid is responsible. Therefore... as thank you "gave J permission"... thank you is responsible for the clean-up, and for the damages.

    In our house... anybody but the chief cook in the kitchen means... the sub-cook is supervised. Either full-time or intermittently. From start-up to clean-up. Chief cook is supported by the clean-up crew (husband <grin>). Sub-cooks will be supported in clean-up, IF AND ONLY IF they follow the first rule which means, chief-cook approved and supervised. Which means... we leave stuff "ready for the clean-up crew". (And as husband is extremely detailed and very particular... that means soaked/scraped/rinced/organized. every. single. time. )