Dearest Overwhelmed,
No wonder you are Overwhelmed. What you describe is domestic violence. It doesn’t happen overnight, it creeps up on us, until we lose sight of our own value and worth and fall into what I call the swirly whirly. For whatever reason the children we raised with love and care have grown up to feel entitled. My two daughters descent into the rabbit hole started at a young age with marijuana use. They became sullen and moody at home. In particular my eldest, she acted as if she hated me. It was awful. I ended up showing her the door at 18.
I am glad you found this site. The kind people here have helped me tremendously in finding my way back to myself. I feel that is a lifetime journey as life’s challenges have forced me to redefine my role. Your plan to remodel is awesome, I am glad to see you taking proactive steps to reclaim the peace in your home. I remember not wanting to go home after work, chaos loomed over hubs and I. It wasn’t a restful place by any means due to the troubles with my two and our revolving door with them taking turns moving in, only having to make them leave when things got too crazy.
Our homes should be our sanctuaries. You deserve to have peace in your life. You are not stupid or any of those negative things you tell yourself. You have slowly been beaten down by unappreciative adult children. Our love for them forgives and forgives. But there are boundaries in love. I am glad you are seeing that and ready to find your way back to self love. When we are in the web our entitled children spin, self love seems selfish, but it is not. It is the concept of “putting the oxygen mask on first” if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t begin to care for others. Self love is healthy boundary setting. Self care, not allowing others to take advantage of us. Through demonstrating self love, we are modeling what we wish for our kids, that they would take proper care of themselves, their children. This means learning to be self sustainable in this world. We won’t be around forever to pick up the pieces of their poor choices. In this we set them free to learn and be responsible.
It’s hard at first to break old habits. But the more you know, the more you grow and that is a valuable lesson and example for your kids.
Keep up the good work.
Towanda!
(((Hugs)))
Leafy
Ps. I had to channel my dad, who was loving but firm. He would never allow the shannagins my kids pulled. Out we would go!
