Up all night _ check in please

Star*

call 911........call 911
I know you said if you had a chance you were going to pop in here -

I was thinking about you last night and wondered how in the world things were going and why you had not posted a progress report. I'm hoping for good things. It's been about a month....let's have it sister.

See my avatar? All smiles.

Hugs & Love & Support -
Star:D
 

1905

Well-Known Member
I came home yesterday. I had to gain 13 pounds, on a 6,ooo calorie a day meal plan. They gave me Abilify thinking it would help with the body dysmorphic thoughts. I spit eveyone out into my make-up bag after i took it. I could fake it, and win an oscar. Now that I'm home I started taking my old medicine from Renfrew-Kalonopin. I ate nothing yesterday. husband is the beggest idiot, I have had it. He can divorce me, I don't even care. How would you like to weigh 13 pounds more?????I am seeing a p-doctor next Wed. and will tell her the truth about everything. That whole class of drugs is not for me. If it wasn't for my kids i would kill myself. I can't leave my house this fat. Nobody will see me. I can't even go to the gym- my favorite because poeple will know. I never type here except when I 'm messed up. I have to eat this Kolonopin like it's candy so I can be drunk and stupid. I faked it and now I'm home. No one knows any of this. I can't live like this. 10pouns will take me a month, I can hang on for a month. I am so so sorry for not having something nice to sa-' Alyssa Star your card was so very, very special to me-Thank you!
 

totoro

Mom? What's a difficult child?
I was just thinking about you last night as well. I don't know if my thinking about you means much but I wanted you to know I was. I wish I could read that you had found a bit of relief in your life.

I still believe in you and know you are strong, shoot if you are strong enough to pull off all of this **** on these people in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)! I am grateful you checked in, thank you
 

trinityroyal

Well-Known Member
Alyssa, I too have been thinking and worrying about you. I'm glad that you're seeing a psychiatrist and that you're willing to tell her the truth about everything you're thinking, feeling and doing.
The recovery process is so hard. You're trying to heal your mind and body all at the same time. It's a catch-22. Your body needs to be healthy in order for you to have the strength to work on your mind, but your mind has to be healthier in order to accept the changes to your body. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) focuses on getting your body into a healthy state, but if your mind isn't ready for that, you end up fighting with yourself. I know that the changes in your body are very hard to deal with, but they are good changes, healthy changes.

I think we've talked about it before. The numbers on the scale seem to be a trigger for you as they are for me. Can you let go of the numbers? Work with your docs and specialists to get you into a healthy zone without focusing on the numbers? (Or possibly, without telling you what the numbers are?)

Sending you many healing thoughts, and strength, and saying many prayers. As LDM said, don't keep fighting against yourself. Fight for. We're all in your corner fighting with you.

Trinity
 
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