I dont get it. According to the principal in our meeting today, we are not on the same wavelength even though we like each other. She has been pretty accommodating this school year- so maybe it is that I have a communication problem. I know someone here posted before that it sounds like shes just trying to pacify me- its looking more and more that way. I went to meet with her today so she could review difficult childs report from MDE herself and to discuss a couple of other things. She seemed to take everything I said like I expected them to never discipline difficult child. And at one point she asked straight out why I wanted her to review this report. Now I know that if I hadnt brought it in, I would have been accused at some point of withholding information from the school- Ive had this happen before. The point I had been trying to make with her regarding difficult child is that if hes become disruptive, dealing with him in certain ways will escalate problems and dealing with him in certain ways will minimize problems. Her response was that if he does something wrong, hes going to get suspended. I tried to discuss that from holidays until spring break is his bad period and for the last two years, this is the time period when hes unstable and can lose it. I asked if we could discuss ways to be prepared to deal with that. She said we cant predict everything that might happen, so if it did happen we would meet and get a BIP in place. Well, last year their idea of a BIP was a contract saying nothing more than if difficult child got into trouble again, he would be put out of school. I did not sign it. He got in trouble and was put out of school. I told her I didnt want to go down that route again. This is when she said she thought we werent on the same wavelength. Their idea of an IEP meeting is to decide what they are and arent willing to do, then bring me and now, difficult child, in to get us to buy into it. (Yes, they have actually used that phrase when referring to their ideas on more than one occasion.) I know Ive caused friction over there, but it is hard for me to view this as me being the cause of the communication problem. They seem to act like they think difficult child shouldnt be on an IEP and can control all of his problems. For instance, when I mentioned recent testing for ADHD and previous neuropsychologist testing (done 2 years ago) and that results on both came back with difficult child all over the board- from high average to impaired, and that I didnt know what that indicated- cycling?- but obviously, there was something going on. She said well, it could just be typical hormones. She discussed a student who has autism (difficult child had mentioned something troubling about him so I discussed it with her to see if difficult child was telling me the truth and to see if they were aware) anyway- she said they were all aware that he masturbates in class and that when a teacher sees him, they redirect him. No problem, she says. And that they know his triggers and do their best to prevent them. Ok, then why wont they make an effort to prevent my difficult childs triggers and redirect him? Why does he get the he does something wrong, hes written up and gets the same punishment as any other student. I didnt ask for him not to be punished, I asked for prevention and redirection, which would probably take care of some things, and then some understanding of his issues when assigning punishments and discussing incidents with him. She also mentioned, again, that there used to be a boy there with bipolar but he was on a 504 (I think thats what its called) and not an IEP and the only accommodations they made for him was that his mother would keep him out of school if he was manic and they required a letter or call from psychiatrist or therapist that day telling them that the student had full blown mania and it would not be safe for him to come to school. So, I take this as her message to me- that they dont want to accommodate anything that happens to fall between complete stability and full blown mania. HUH Well my difficult child is on an IEP. I feel like giving up on this sd but I dont see how I can. And I know were headed for a rough road right now- difficult child isnt getting to sleep until 11:30 or 12:00 (trouble sleeping is a sign of things to come with him), and there are a couple of other tell tell signs I see. Am I expecting too much to think the school should be aware and handle things differently? Am I expecting too much to think an IEP meeting should be a real discussion- with no minds made up until after the discussion and that if I tell them he could be entering a bad period, that doesnt mean crack down harder on him? Last year when he started coming to school half asleep, hair uncombed, unmotivated, they came down on him so hard- just for that. Well, I know its not good, but its not a violation. And then he started becoming disruptive and the whole pattern starts. Suggestions?