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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 703482" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>These are the questions that create the struggles for us. I'm so sorry Albatross, being stuck not knowing which way to turn is a nightmare.</p><p></p><p>Albatross, I read your post a couple of times.....thinking perhaps something would pop up as the appropriate response.... but what I am left with is that there is no "right" thing to do. That is the truth of all of this for us, there is no handbook that says when your adult difficult child does this.....this is what you do. We're all winging it. If it were me I would ask myself what I can live with in this situation. </p><p></p><p>In my case, even though I am essentially detached from my daughter, life just isn't so black and white that I never consider stepping out of that detachment mode to assist her if the situation feels different to me. It's not a linear experience, at least for me, I have to look at each incident and make a determination as to what my response is going to be. In the spring my daughter stayed with us for a week, something I would definitely not have done before, but the situation was unusual and I made decision that she would be safest with me given all of the parameters. After a week, I left town and dropped her off at her old place........another choice I found hard to do, but it also felt appropriate. That's how it works for me, I have to think through each situation and make a choice, it just isn't always only one way. That makes it more difficult too.</p><p></p><p>None of us are in your shoes.......if you feel strongly that in this particular situation, you want to step in and buy him a bus or airline ticket, then do it. </p><p></p><p>Tanya's suggestion of keeping your boundaries intact but perhaps offering to give him the ticket out for Christmas sounded reasonable to me. And, at the same time, letting him figure it out has merit too. </p><p></p><p>It's a tough call. It's YOUR call. Do what you can live with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 703482, member: 13542"] These are the questions that create the struggles for us. I'm so sorry Albatross, being stuck not knowing which way to turn is a nightmare. Albatross, I read your post a couple of times.....thinking perhaps something would pop up as the appropriate response.... but what I am left with is that there is no "right" thing to do. That is the truth of all of this for us, there is no handbook that says when your adult difficult child does this.....this is what you do. We're all winging it. If it were me I would ask myself what I can live with in this situation. In my case, even though I am essentially detached from my daughter, life just isn't so black and white that I never consider stepping out of that detachment mode to assist her if the situation feels different to me. It's not a linear experience, at least for me, I have to look at each incident and make a determination as to what my response is going to be. In the spring my daughter stayed with us for a week, something I would definitely not have done before, but the situation was unusual and I made decision that she would be safest with me given all of the parameters. After a week, I left town and dropped her off at her old place........another choice I found hard to do, but it also felt appropriate. That's how it works for me, I have to think through each situation and make a choice, it just isn't always only one way. That makes it more difficult too. None of us are in your shoes.......if you feel strongly that in this particular situation, you want to step in and buy him a bus or airline ticket, then do it. Tanya's suggestion of keeping your boundaries intact but perhaps offering to give him the ticket out for Christmas sounded reasonable to me. And, at the same time, letting him figure it out has merit too. It's a tough call. It's YOUR call. Do what you can live with. [/QUOTE]
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