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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 703594" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Alb,</p><p></p><p>I too have often feared that my son would freeze to death with the toxic combination of substance abuse and cold. It is an unshakeable and honestly not totally unreasonable fear. I think you are hitting the right path. </p><p></p><p>My biggest fear was that my son would die thinking I didn't love him or care about him. With that in mind I tried to reinforce to him that I cared whenever I could (sometimes I was too mad at him to make that choice). I let go of the idea that he might make choices that would end in his death, because I knew that nothing I could do could prevent that from happening. I did ask him pretty regularly to be sure that he had my phone number on him somewhere, so that if he did die some one would call me (also there is that time when my street-tough boyfriend threatened to tattoo his own phone number on Difficult Child so that the coroner would call him him and I wouldn't hear it from a stranger...a weirdly fond memory). </p><p></p><p>My other fear is that if he died or permanently disappeared I would drown in regrets. I work hard to be sure I can prevent that. On the surface it would surely seem that the path of enabling is the surest way to have no regrets should the worst happen, but I am a True Believer that our enabling is part of their illness, so I've let go of that too. </p><p></p><p>In your situation I would need to be sure I wasn't being suckered (because that idea would make me angry and sleepless and set me back on my journey to health). I would want to do what I could to feel like I didn't stand by and let him freeze to death. And I would need to let go of the outcome once I made my choices. I feel you are right on target for all these goals (which are my goals, after all, and not yours).</p><p></p><p>Good luck to you in this Alb. I suspect he will not provide his half of the ticket, but maybe he will. We never really know what will happen next, do we. </p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 703594, member: 17269"] Alb, I too have often feared that my son would freeze to death with the toxic combination of substance abuse and cold. It is an unshakeable and honestly not totally unreasonable fear. I think you are hitting the right path. My biggest fear was that my son would die thinking I didn't love him or care about him. With that in mind I tried to reinforce to him that I cared whenever I could (sometimes I was too mad at him to make that choice). I let go of the idea that he might make choices that would end in his death, because I knew that nothing I could do could prevent that from happening. I did ask him pretty regularly to be sure that he had my phone number on him somewhere, so that if he did die some one would call me (also there is that time when my street-tough boyfriend threatened to tattoo his own phone number on Difficult Child so that the coroner would call him him and I wouldn't hear it from a stranger...a weirdly fond memory). My other fear is that if he died or permanently disappeared I would drown in regrets. I work hard to be sure I can prevent that. On the surface it would surely seem that the path of enabling is the surest way to have no regrets should the worst happen, but I am a True Believer that our enabling is part of their illness, so I've let go of that too. In your situation I would need to be sure I wasn't being suckered (because that idea would make me angry and sleepless and set me back on my journey to health). I would want to do what I could to feel like I didn't stand by and let him freeze to death. And I would need to let go of the outcome once I made my choices. I feel you are right on target for all these goals (which are my goals, after all, and not yours). Good luck to you in this Alb. I suspect he will not provide his half of the ticket, but maybe he will. We never really know what will happen next, do we. Echo [/QUOTE]
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