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Update -- Been Awhile
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 715801" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Our visit went better than I feared. I spent a lot of time beforehand trying to figure out what would happen, what *I* wanted to say and how I wanted to say it, etc...then realized I was focusing on what I wanted *FROM HIM* and how I could make that happen.</p><p></p><p>Nope, I don't control that part, that's why I'm so nervous....try again.</p><p></p><p>I realized what *I* want is to just get to know him again, SOBER, and let our relationship evolve from there. It has been such a long time since he's been sober for any length of time.</p><p></p><p>Once I was able to drop all the other expectations, I was very excited about the visit.</p><p></p><p>He looked great -- has gained about 30 pounds since we saw him last (but still underweight), clear eyes, clean, well groomed, much more engaged. He is still complaining/blaming somewhat, but overall a huge improvement. The program keeps him very busy, and he's a little uncomfortable with their heavy focus on religion.</p><p></p><p>For our part, we tried not to engage -- no soothing, no fixing, no advice. Just let him talk, and he would eventually catch himself and move on.</p><p></p><p>Overall it was a really good afternoon.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 715801, member: 17720"] Our visit went better than I feared. I spent a lot of time beforehand trying to figure out what would happen, what *I* wanted to say and how I wanted to say it, etc...then realized I was focusing on what I wanted *FROM HIM* and how I could make that happen. Nope, I don't control that part, that's why I'm so nervous....try again. I realized what *I* want is to just get to know him again, SOBER, and let our relationship evolve from there. It has been such a long time since he's been sober for any length of time. Once I was able to drop all the other expectations, I was very excited about the visit. He looked great -- has gained about 30 pounds since we saw him last (but still underweight), clear eyes, clean, well groomed, much more engaged. He is still complaining/blaming somewhat, but overall a huge improvement. The program keeps him very busy, and he's a little uncomfortable with their heavy focus on religion. For our part, we tried not to engage -- no soothing, no fixing, no advice. Just let him talk, and he would eventually catch himself and move on. Overall it was a really good afternoon. [/QUOTE]
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