Update- difficult child 1 fine

[Liahona]

Thought those of you following the visitation saga would like an update. After the e-mail saying they wouldn't do scary stuff and after difficult child 1 was with him X sent another e-mail to me saying (I'm paraphrasing) nope I never really said we wouldn't do scary stuff. We might or might not. Of course this was just to upset me. difficult child 1 is fine. He had lots of fun. I could tell X told him not to say that they forgot the medications once over the weekend. (Because of the way the info came out of him.) Because difficult child 1 had fun he now thinks everything is fine and this will never happen again. I know better and am still keeping the appointment with the lawyer.

This roller coaster is really wearing me out.

 

[TerryJ2]

Great update. You are doing great! So glad you're following through with-the lawyer.
Hugs and calm for the rollercoaster.

 

[DDD]

Glad that difficult child is fine. Are you keeping full records (copies of emails etc) so you have a full journal? You have so much on your plate that I thought I'd make that suggestion as it is so easy to forget. Hugs DDD

 

[buddy]

it is great when at least part of a plan comes together! You did what you needed to do and he stayed safe. You got him through this and it sure seems that until something big changes, you may have to go one step at a time like this but you obviously know this guy inside out so your son is really really lucky to have you. I am really impressed by how you handled all of this and how you keep plugging along. I can't even imagine it. Thanks for the update. I know many of us were praying and waiting to make sure he was safe.

 

[Steely]

There was a recently a horrific case of abuse uncovered in the Portland area. Two twins, that were 16 had been abused for 10 years. Neighbors and school called cps many times - and cps had been out over 8 times to investigate. Every single time the twins swore they were fine. Cps hands were tied until the kids could confirm the abuse (this is the part I don't understand about our system) really was going on. Anyway - finally the 16 year old handed a cop a note that she was in danger and the whole case exploded. Within hours the parents were in jail, and the kids were removed from the home.

I thought of you and this case, and I had not realized how much weight cps puts on the kids. The kids who are already being brainwashed into being victims and to lose their voice - are responsible, essentially, for saving themselves. UGH.

However your case is a bit different, since he did tell someone, a mandatory reporter what went on. And therefore the judge and lawyer have to listen to that - that holds clout. I am so glad you are continuing with going forward with all of this.

I would also start coaching difficult child on what to do if he ever feels unsafe - in any situation. Tell someone that has "authority" - a cop would be awesome if there was one in his school or something. But I also thought the note concept was an exceptional idea. Maybe getting difficult child to start writing down some of the things he feels, is an idea???

In some ways the fact that he charmed the socks off difficult child this weekend makes me even sicker. He is playing mind games, and messing with his head - and that makes me so mad.

Anyway, I will get off my soapbox - I know you are living it - and it is really, really rough. Hugs.

 

[Liahona]

Yes, I'm keeping a journal of the behavior/hallucinations/visitation schedule. Insanecd suggested it awhile back (days flow together for me sometimes) and I put it together and now I'm keeping it up.

Thanks Buddy. I'd rather not know X's mind inside and out. Its a weird and scary place. But at least his focus will be off of difficult child 1's behavior.

Steely, I agree. It is way to much for a kid to handle. It's to much for most adults to handle. I don't know what the answer is though. If you give cps more authority then kids get taken away from good families. Give then less authority and abuse can't be stopped. I think cps is not the answer but I don't know what would be.

 

[AnnieO]

CPS has its place, but yes, too much weight is put on the kids themselves.

Document, document, document! You'll have piles of paper (or TERAbytes of files), but you'll have them when and if you ever need them. And they do come in useful.

 

[Steely]

And try to get difficult child to start journaling!!! That seems to be the key is to get the kids to write down what is really going on. Perhaps you just have him write a sentence or 2 at night before he is going to bed? Tell him journaling is something that is very therapeutic and often helps people sleep better and function better - which is totally true.....lots and lots of people do it, therapists suggest it, and in your case it has a very powerful double edge sword.

 

[Liahona]

We've tried to get him to journal before. He ends up drawing all over the book. On the computer it might work. He just thinks the computer is for games. It'll be worth working on though.

 

[keista]

Glad difficult child 1 is safe.

The computer can be a very powerful tool. Wen son was depressed, he was pretty much mute, but was able to communicate via computer. I'd ask him questions and he'd type them out. Then erase, and we'd move on to the next question. He had to do this at school as well.